Something Creative » random http://nil17.com Ruminations on my life... Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:59:40 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Hard to Love http://nil17.com/2011/07/hard-to-love/ http://nil17.com/2011/07/hard-to-love/#comments Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:56:00 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/2011/07/hard-to-love/ I’m tired.  Not just physically but emotionally & mentally.  My week is always a challenge when Abe is out of town.  This week is no different. I have spent a couple days with my brother and his family which helps me feel less alone. Magnus is fun, makes me smile and gives me great snuggles.  [...]]]> I’m tired.  Not just physically but emotionally & mentally.  My week is always a challenge when Abe is out of town.  This week is no different. I have spent a couple days with my brother and his family which helps me feel less alone. Magnus is fun, makes me smile and gives me great snuggles.  It is hard work but I love having Magnus around most of the time.

A thought struck me tonight though.  I’m more lucky than I maybe realize that I have Magnus.  He loves me.  It may sound like the most simplistic statement ever but it bears repeating.  Magnus loves me.

It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a clean t-shirt to wear, my hair is a mess, I’m hormonal, growing bigger by the second, struggle with depression, have a short fuse on my temper some days or that I fall short every day.  To Magnus I am comfort, fun, happiness and of course food.

I’m hard to love for other people (I think)… I wish I weren’t.
To be the happy-go-lucky, always smiling, positive outlook, fuzzy warm baby snuggles girl would be great. I often wish I were that girl…instead I work hard to have something nice to say. With my friends I really strive to be encouraging, to have the words that will make a positive impact on them.

Whether or not I’m successful remains to be seen. I know I don’t always succeed. Also, because I’m not prone to seeing the positive for myself it is difficult for me to accept when others do. I am (more so now while I’m pregnant) needy & insecure. I feel lonely & at times forgotten by those I consider to be some of my closest friends. I feel trapped outside of the amusement park of life.

There is part of me that realizes this is silly. Everybody is busy with life, work, spouses etc. I know in the logical (and smaller part of my inner voice) that everything remains steadfast…that I’m not forgotten. Still the insecure girl who so wants to be liked worries about whether maybe ~this~ time I really will be forgotten and left behind.

It makes me sad…I just hope that in spite of how hard it may be to love me that people will continue to do so. I give of my love as freely as I can. My hope is that in some small way it compensates those who have opened their hearts to me.

]]> http://nil17.com/2011/07/hard-to-love/feed/ 0 I’m a Crazy Hermit http://nil17.com/2011/03/im-a-crazy-hermit/ http://nil17.com/2011/03/im-a-crazy-hermit/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2011 23:44:26 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/2011/03/im-a-crazy-hermit/ This has been a busy week for me…I actually left the house twice! The first trip into town was to a gourmet grocery store & I will post on that soon. The other trip was a couple days later for a Target run. Both trips were productive but driving into my yard was a relief. Pulling into the parking space by my front door & turning the key off felt like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Breathing became easier and deeper-more natural. For those of you who know me well this all probably sounds like some bizarro world version of me. I assure you it isn’t. Rather it is me in my more true state. Hidden beneath my “vivacious” & “outgoing” exterior lies a true introvert. (waits while you all snap your jaws closed) But, but, but…I know what you’re all thinking…I talk a lot & laugh & joke…I always seem to have a comment…. All of that is behavior I’ve learned & cultivated…it is a mask that allows me to survive in social situations. By being quick with a turn of phrase, a smile, a wink it is very easy to keep people at arm’s length. No need to look deeper or ask questions…I must be confident & smart & fun… (okay writing those three adjectives just caused me to snort - those are the unlikeliest words I’d ever use to actually describe me). Perhaps my innate shyness is the root of the reason I never moved to Paris… (a common assumption my former high school classmates made. I learned this second hand but apparently when I slipped out the side door (figuratively) after graduation & wasn’t heard from again they all assumed I was living the life of the starving writer in Paris). Instead after spending 10 years living in the city I moved to the northern woods of Minnesota. I loved it up there…the isolation of the forests, the expanse of Lake Superior and the ability to feel tiny yet invincible. Now I live on the prairie & there’s a sweetness to that existence as well. The great stretches of open land, the unbroken sky littered with clouds. I’m embracing my hermit side more & more. The real me is far more comfortable in my own space than out & about. I don’t want to get dressed & comb my hair (and be judged) in order to visit with people. I want to stay in my comfy shirt & sip coffee on my couch. You’re welcome to visit just don’t expect me to put on pants.
]]> http://nil17.com/2011/03/im-a-crazy-hermit/feed/ 1 Cracking the Books http://nil17.com/2010/09/cracking-the-books/ http://nil17.com/2010/09/cracking-the-books/#comments Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:37:02 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=1374 As you may know, we are in the middle of another move.  This one is happening at a leisurely pace which makes it so much more pleasant. The living room is half moved, the upstairs will be empty tonight & all that is left in the basement is the washer & dryer.  Our bedroom, the kitchen & the bathroom are still completely untouched but we will move most of that this coming weekend.  This past weekend we moved some things including our books & book shelves.  Here’s a quick peek at that little piece of the move. Yes all those boxes are full of books…no we can’t put all of them on the shelves we have.  Not to mention that I seem unable to keep myself from adding to the collection on a regular basis.  Still the shelves will look very nice in my new sitting room.
]]> http://nil17.com/2010/09/cracking-the-books/feed/ 2 Art in Real Life http://nil17.com/2009/10/art-in-real-life/ http://nil17.com/2009/10/art-in-real-life/#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:12:18 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=899
Okay so I am beyond exhausted today (started this on Thursday…it’s now Saturday & everything still applies) & don’t really know what to say.  I wanted to get some writing done today but the fates were against me (like that’s news…those bitches are always against me) so I lieu of writing I’m going to post a bunch of pics I took while being drug through the Minneapolis area today.  I got to go to a super excellent place that is FILLED with stuff reclaimed from old houses & available for sale should you find the need to buy an entire study, confessional, baptismal font or front porch.  There were so many amazing things….welcome to the inner workings of my mind—you can see what I find interesting, beautiful & just plain too odd not to photograph for sharing with the world.
stained glass windows

sparkly beveled glass gothic chic random Jesus fancy front porch old time rocketship my throne! I loved this store so much! There were so many more things & I can’t wait to investigate a few more stores in Minneapolis.  I think it’s great that all this fantastic (and odd) old stuff is being refinished, refurbished & given new life.  There is so much we fail to appreciate from the past….seeing these get a second life gives me a hint of faith that our disposable society can find value in our past.
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/10/art-in-real-life/feed/ 0 To Be or Not To Be… http://nil17.com/2009/09/to-be-or-not-to-be/ http://nil17.com/2009/09/to-be-or-not-to-be/#comments Wed, 30 Sep 2009 03:13:27 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=876 Again I take pen in hand (figuratively duh) and prepare to do battle with all that has overwhelmed me lately. I am so confused, upset, hurt, scared, depressed & faithless right now.  I hurt so deep inside that it has become physical pain…not the gallbladder pain that I deal with too but a squeezing in my ribs & chest.  I feel like I’m being crushed from the inside.  Every morning I dread the alarm…I’m so unhappy at my job & I have no clue how to change it any more.  I’ve resigned myself to trying to push through & scolding myself for not just sucking it up, doing what I need to do & shutting up about being unhappy. I have lost what hope I used to have…there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel except the oncoming train.  Even the few moments of peace I have found seem to fade too quickly & I can’t even slip into the bubble of the memory to recapture that feeling. This is SO hard for me to write…I am so depressed! I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve been sad, blue & under the weather….I’ve been cranky, pre-menstrual & just plain in a foul mood.  This is something so different.  I feel hollow, empty & alone.  I sit next to the man I love & feel like he can never hold me tight enough.  I do my best to smile & be pleasant while inside I feel like crumbling.  I’ve always been the strong one, the leader, the oldest, the one in charge.  I was born to that role & assumed it from a young age.  Now I don’t know where to turn…some would say turn to God, to the church; others would say turn to friends & family; still others would have totally different advice.  The truth is I feel like God has better things to do than listen to me complain because I feel bad about myself.  The church hasn’t really had much to offer me other than a bunch of people who don’t seem to understand why I don’t just smile & be thankful.  I am thankful in many ways for many things.  How I feel isn’t about that.  If I could just tell myself not to feel bad believe me when I say it would be done in a heartbeat.  This depression (I have a hard time just saying that word) isn’t about being ungrateful or not knowing that I am blessed with a great many things.  It’s about feeling isolated because no matter how much I want to feel good I simply don’t. My family(the whole great big crazy lot of them) & friends (the few I have) are wonderful.  I love them very much! How do I tell them that every day is a struggle for me? It’s not that I don’t want every day that has been granted to me…as hard as it has been to get up every day not once have I thought about anything more serious than just staying in bed all month.  It’s so hard because I want to see my siblings, my nephews & niece…they are so precious.  I love the kids…their innocent smiles & silly antics.  Being able to play with them, toss them in the air & hold them close for hugs are delightful times.  Yet everybody has their own lives.  Just because I can barely find the will to face each day out of my room doesn’t mean I need to burden them with worry over me.  In fact I’ve worked my hardest to avoid showing how much hurt I feel right now.  It doesn’t always work because it leaks out of me like a punctured jellyfish washed ashore after a storm.  I know my family (and friends) can tell I’m not myself.  The fun, laughing, smiling girl who is always ready to take on life isn’t here.  Call back another time…leave a message at the beep. I have shut myself off in many ways because it hurts me even more to know that Mom is worried about me & that my siblings don’t know what to say.  It hurts me that when Abe wants to comfort me instead I feel worse because I’m not able to help him & encourage him.  He has dealt with so much—losing his job, working so hard to make a go of the business (disaster that plan is since the economy is completely in the toilet…no it isn’t getting better, trust me), searching every day for a job that will actually allow him to bring home a paycheck rather than just put it all into fuel to get to the job.  Then to top it off there’s me: sad, uncertain & sick to boot.  Abe works so hard to keep things going so that I don’t worry (ha, right me not worry) & so that I can feel safe and secure when I come home. Knowing he doesn’t understand (I don’t understand…how could he) makes me so sad because he gets me better than anybody else.  He puts up with my silly moods, the crazy stories I make up from my odd sense of humor and my weird obsessions/compulsions that can make buying a snack size bag of M & Ms an adventure.  Abe has always helped bring balance to me….I hate that he feels there is more he could do.  And my friends, well what can I say….the friends that I thought were around aren’t.  Boy do I ever feel stupid for falling for that yet again! I know it isn’t easy to be around someone who is constantly struggling…I’ve been on the other side many different times.  It is hard to be supportive when someone is depressed. So I rely on my “invisible” friends or rather my wonderful community of crazy, offbeat, intelligent, witty & downright talented Twitter friends.  (I know a lot of you may not “get” Twitter…all I have to say is it has to be experienced. There is truly no way to explain Twitter!) I admire so many of them for their fearless take on life—no matter where they are coming from—and even when they are feeling the fear, doubt and everything else the rest of the human race does it makes me feel like I’m not as alone as I sometimes think. Of course right now I feel more alone that ever.  I don’t know how to tell some of these friends what I’m truly going through. So why don’t I want to tell people I consider to be dear friends how I feel?  One reason is I don’t want to be a bother.  Yes we are dear close friends but they (like me) have their own lives.  Jobs, houses, cars, wives, husbands, children, parents, committees etc.  They all have stuff in “meat space” (a geek term for in real life or IRL for those of you uninitiated) that demands time & attention.  I’m just a girl from Minnesota who is falling apart at the seams—but when it all comes down to the bare facts does that really matter to anybody but me?  I want to matter…I want to believe that if our roles were reversed I’d step up & say, “I’m worried about you. My life is crazy & there are 42 other things I should be doing right now but first I need to know that you are okay.”  Maybe I would…after all I am the strong shoulder, the willing ear (or I was in another time in my life).  How do I say that I need those things now. Yes I can chitchat about weather, sports, politics & other random topics from the zeitgeist.  I can joke (easier to fake somewhat when you don’t have to look at anybody) although the more depressed I’ve gotten the more sharp & snide my jokes have become.  Meanwhile a lot of times I’m sitting in my chair at home (or like now I’m in bed with the laptop surrounded by a sleeping spouse & 3 dogs) and in between the banter I’m working my way through a box of tissues. Another reason I don’t want to say anything is I have had a terribly hard time admitting to myself that this isn’t just “the blues”.  Whatever is going on is much bigger & scarier to me than feeling a bit sad because it is gray & rainy.  I am so scared…I feel like I’m losing my mind, losing myself & who I want to be.  This spring I started several positive steps in my life.  I set goals to write, to get into a better shape & to really enjoy life.  Then summer hit me like ….well like something very hard & angry.  I lost my focus on exercise (I was doing great, had increased my stamina etc.), my writing I tried to maintain & as cold day after cold day slipped by my carpe diem attitude went with it.  I kept thinking that I’d feel better in a few days.  Then August rolled around & I ended up in the hospital.  After finding that there is apparently nothing “really” wrong with me I was sent home with a few bottles of pills.  One of those bottles contained a neat little drug called nortriptyline.  This drug was originally approved for use as a heavy-duty anti-depressant.  Wow did that suck!! Suddenly I’m taking this drug (which also works fantastic as an anti-spasmodic/IBS controller) & if I wasn’t already sliding into depression this flung me over like Bill Murray driving off that cliff with Punxsutawney Phil in “Ground Hog Day”. Suddenly I was having nightmares like nothing I’ve ever had before (and I’ve had some doozys….I even can recall in perfect detail to this day my recurring one from childhood). There were also some crazy mood swings….I’d be laughing & then suddenly crying.  It was exhausting.  Now I’m off the drugs…I have no plans on starting up with them again! So this post has taken me hours—over a full day has passed since I started writing.  It has been a happy/sad day.  I’m feeling a bit better for having decided to keep letting all this out. (Actually I’ve had several people give me great encouragement over the past 24 hours….that coupled with what seems to be an almost overwhelming need to write — I got a lot more post brewing in the brain box right now.) I just want…nay, NEED to write so I’m going to keep up as best I can. I realize there will be days where I won’t & that’s okay too.  I can’t keep holding all this (whatever “this” is) inside me….
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/09/to-be-or-not-to-be/feed/ 3 Giving Up Some Blog Love http://nil17.com/2009/09/giving-up-some-blog-love/ http://nil17.com/2009/09/giving-up-some-blog-love/#comments Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:26:33 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=860 Fit This,Girl! who wasn’t sure she wanted to join the blog-set.  She is now at [...]]]> Today I just want to give out some love to a few of the fantastic bloggers that I keep up with. First I’m going to give a shout out to my girl Mary over at Fit This,Girl! who wasn’t sure she wanted to join the blog-set.  She is now at her 100th post & rocking it.  I’ve known Mary for longer than either of us probably care to admit but she still rocks my socks.  For a hot new recipe (I promise they are good for you too) or the newest fitness clothes, shoes & workouts Mary’s got you covered.  Occasionally she even makes me think about working out…Fit This, Girl! is the place to be for inspiration in your battle against sloth. Another great blog that always has something interesting going on is Little Daily Escape.  Now if I’ve known Mary for a long time I know Megan doesn’t want me disclosing all the stuff we’ve gotten into together.  Meg & I have managed to stay close in spite of being cousins & only seeing each other on holidays, special occasions etc.  She’s a busy mom with 2 girls, a career as something engineer-y (yes it’s a real word…), a runner, a musician and a wife. Head on over to Little Daily Escape & keep up with all the adventures.  Guaranteed to make you smile. There are so many more & my humble words don’t really do them justice…check out the giant list of blogs on the right side of your page.  You’ll certainly find something to make you laugh, smile, think & enjoy.
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/09/giving-up-some-blog-love/feed/ 0 A Thousand Kisses Deep http://nil17.com/2009/09/a-thousand-kisses-deep/ http://nil17.com/2009/09/a-thousand-kisses-deep/#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:01:46 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=831
Sitting bound to my desk today my mind is wandering to where I would like to be instead.  As y’all know I’m a northern girl…born & raised in Minnesota.  I’ve lived here my whole life & I belong here like I could never possibly belong anywhere else.  Don’t get me wrong I love to travel & have many cherished dreams of living as a gypsy if I could.  However, for a dyed in the wool Yankee I have some very Southern sensibilities.  I love the South…2 of my favorite trips in college were to Mississippi. Now I know you are wondering what I’m on about…bear with me & I’ll take you on my daydream travels.
One thing I’ve always wanted is a big old fashioned farm house….like something out of the deep South.  Something you expect to see surrounded by giant trees dripping with Spanish moss.  I want the 2-3 stories, open floor plan on the main floor with spacious bedrooms on the 2nd floor & an attic filled with steamer trunks where my kids could play.  It’s a white house with blue trim & a bright blue front door.  There’s a deep shaded porch on 3 sides with a wide rail all around.  There are always a couple black labs laying there, watching & guarding our life.  The kids run through, chasing & yelling while playing some game or trying to catch lightening bugs on hot summer nights.  There are a couple rocking chairs (likely designed by Abe) but tucked in a corner is a well-used hammock.  That’s where I am today…
Because I love music there’s always something playing.  Depending on the mood I’m in or the mood I want to be in you can find a melange’ of styles in my collection.  I’m always excited to find something new that moves me in some way.  I have my favorites like anybody…the music that pulls at me, tugs me to the dance floor or running for some kleenex.  Since the weather here today is gray & cloudy I’ve pulled up some quiet slow music to flow with the pace of my day.  At my desk right now I’ve got all sorts of paper sorted into their tidy little piles, pens are strewn about & I’ve got posty notes everywhere. (I love pens…especially my fountain pens & my passion for posty notes is legendary.) The phone keeps ringing & my headset is firmly attached to my left ear.
My mind (or at least a large part of it) is off on that porch on a lazy rainy autumn day.  The kids are in school (naturally—this is my fantasy after all…I can put people wherever I want them) & I’ve got the day to myself.  So, I throw some Leonard Cohen on the record player (a real honest-to-goodess record player…vinyl just fits better here than an iSomethingorother) open the long wide windows & with a very large coffee, a dog-eared paper back & the afghan from Grandma B I curl up in my hammock.  One of the labs will inevitably jump up to share my space.  With the deep brooding tones of Cohen floating out into the gray misty day I stare out at the trees…letting the leaves blur around the edges until they appear like an Impressionist canvas.  Of course I tear my eyes away & start to read either “Gone with the Wind” or “The Thornbirds”.  A day of petulant skies calls for something filled with love & loss.  The sound of the rain dripping from the eaves, the call of geese flying south & the gently motion of the hammock combine to lull me to sleep.  My dreams will swirl with the color, light & sound of my story—drawing me into the world as a character.  After napping I’d find a little something to drink & then crawl back into the hammock with my pink fountain pen, my fleur de lys embossed leather journal and do some writing.  The pen scratching its pink life onto the creamy pages….words flowing into a meaning that the reader will be left to discover.
As the day melts to early evening a milky sun slides down to the west & I get up to greet the kids and make dinner.  As the kids do their homework (ok, now I’m certain this has reached fairy tale proportions as there is no way the kids would actually be doing homework—more likely they’d be reading, watching Looney Tunes or playing a video game) I will be in the kitchen, barefoot & dancing between counter and stove.  A homemade spaghetti sauce bubbles in one pot & noodles cook in another.  Garlic & butter melt into bread under the broiler while I uncork a bottle of wine.  I’m sure to be singing along with Leonard Cohen as I set the table….something like “A Thousand Kisses Deep” or “In My Secret Life” or my favorite “Dance me to the End of Love”.
Well that’s my trip to fantasy land for today…I need to go cook some dinner & find my fountain pens….
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/09/a-thousand-kisses-deep/feed/ 2 Updates/Farewell http://nil17.com/2009/09/updatesfarewell/ http://nil17.com/2009/09/updatesfarewell/#comments Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:21:19 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=817 Well it’s time for me to post some updates on a few things so I’m going to pack it all into one post…this means I’m going to really ramble (like you aren’t used to that anyway). First I’ll go way back to the spring & my good intentions for working out & getting more fit. I did well with that until late spring/early summer…then my constant battle with my gallbladder took over. The more I battled with not feeling well the less I was able to use my WiiFit. Not only do I not feel well but I’m exhausted. Just making it through a day of work wipes me out. It was disappointing to feel the the strength & stamina I was building slowly slip away. I did participate in & complete the 5k as was my goal. I didn’t finish any faster than the year before where I didn’t train at all however I did feel better & didn’t limp for a week afterward. I won’t be able to participate in the same 5k next year as I have a wedding to attend. However I am thinking about picking another event & trying that. Of course I also wanted to be ready for a night out on the town with Abe & his brother Pete & Pete’s wife Anne. Alas we have not yet had a night out on the town so I needn’t worry about finding a dress to wear. A brief update on how I’m feeling…I have good & bad days. Mostly I eat as little as possible as bland as possible. Think saltine crackers, applesauce, apple juice & water. Occasionally some toast or Cheerios. That’s about it. Needless to say I’m losing weight but not in the manner I would choose. Speaking of losing weight it’s getting so that I can barely find clothes to wear since mostly everything is too big. Not HUGE on me yet but definitely tricky to wear pants that only stay up because I’ve got hips (and they are smaller too). It is nice that I’ve been able to buy pants about 4 sizes smaller but frustrating because I can’t really go out & replace my whole wardrobe. For now I’m still hanging onto my dress pants (literally) and contemplating learning how to take the clothes apart, recut them to size & sew them back together. Also, we have reached a quick end to the kerfuffle with the bank president over payment for the signs. Two bank employees to whom I’m very grateful (they both spoke up rather vigorously on our behalf) have informed me that we should have the check by Monday. This eases a worry as now we shall be able to pay rent even if it is quite late. Fortunately we won’t be penalized for that since it was far beyond our control. Other than that there isn’t really anything of interest to say. Since I really fail to see the point of writing anymore this is quite possibly my last post. I don’t know if or when I’ll be posting here or anywhere else again. Thanks to those of you who have been reading…I hope you have enjoyed at least some of what I’ve shared. If I ever do decide to write again you shall be the first to know. Adieu.
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/09/updatesfarewell/feed/ 0 Goodbye To Summer-2009 http://nil17.com/2009/09/goodbye-to-summer-2009/ http://nil17.com/2009/09/goodbye-to-summer-2009/#comments Sat, 05 Sep 2009 20:57:31 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=800
Author’s Note: I started this nearly a week ago…as you can see it’s taken a while to finish this but I’m going to keep writing it as if no time at all has passed.  In fact it may not have as I could possibly have found a way to go back in time & finish this before adding this little blurb but you won’t ever know for sure.
Today being the first day of September & warmer than many of the days in August it seems appropriate to write a goodbye letter to summer.  It’s been a strange summer…much colder than normal so we didn’t do a lot of our normal activities.  No camping, no trip up the North Shore (we will get there before fall is over) and just the normal outdoor activites.  Of course the odd weather only was part of the reason we limited our activities….but that’s been discussed several times & I’m feeling really good today so I’ll let that go. I noticed today as I left the house at lunch that one of the trees across the way is already showing red…there have been frost warnings the last few nights so it won’t be long until more trees are also turning. first leaves change color As anxious as I was for the bright heat of summer I am nearly as anxious for it to be gone.  This is a much different outlook that normal as I am in love with summer.  I long for the long hot days & the sultry nights.  I have been known to bask in the humidity not unlike a hibiscus flower.  When others are running for the air conditioning I am lounging in state of bliss letting the heat penetrate to my marrow.  It’s the feeling of utter peace that decends on summer afternoons that I enjoy…the distant buzz of a lawnmower running, the grass almost crackling beneath my blanket, the bleached blue sky & the smell of the sun in my hair as I languidly turn pages in whatever book in which I am currently living.  Then the late supper off the grill, sometimes accompanied by a perfectly chilled bottle of wine…sitting back & relaxing as the sun slinks off and the thick blanket of night prowls in filled with lightening bugs & the distant planets winking at some secret. All of that was missing this summer.  The warmth that was promised in spring was naught but a shiny used-car salesman promise with a bad carbuerator & slow oil leak.  We experienced many days of downright cold days mixed with skies the color of sack cloth & ashes.  The long warm days were instead long damp days turning into nights without the light of stars or bonfires.  Rather than have the opportunity of showing off my pedicure (yes, I’m still obsessed with how cute my toes are) in sandals I often wore wool socks & my winter shoes to work.  The number of times I wore cute summer tops & dared to bare some skin is a woefully inadequate.  So I for one am not feeling a lingering lust for the dog days of summer…rather I am looking forward with hope at an autumn replete with chilly nights & Indian summer days perfect for tramping through my favorite wooded haunts & exploring new ones then ending the day with a blanket in front of the crackling fire of summer’s remains.
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/09/goodbye-to-summer-2009/feed/ 0 Back Out Into the World http://nil17.com/2009/08/back-out-into-the-world/ http://nil17.com/2009/08/back-out-into-the-world/#comments Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:32:55 +0000 Nil17 http://nil17.com/?p=787 I haven’t been up to doing much lately…mostly I can make it through a day at work & back home.  It’s strange to feel this tired & even worse this weak.  Slowly I’m doing my best to get back the strength that not feeling well has sucked out of me.  To that end I decided that a day outside –specifically in Duluth was just what I needed. 2009-08-27 canal park_00002 I love spending time along Lake Superior.  The more time I spend there the more I am amazed at all the different moods the water has.  Lake Superior is it’s own character…it is defined by itself & it defines Duluth (and a lot of other towns).  Driving into Duluth from the south on I35 there’s a point where you top the last hill before driving down into the city.  I still remember the first time Abe & I ever drove to Duluth because my eyes were immediately drawn toward the lake.  While Duluth may never be a picturesque city there is a drama that dwells there along the shores of Lake Superior.  But back to my original thought…. Last weekend was gorgeous weather-wise…so after working around the house on Saturday we took Sunday to enjoy a bit of summer.  That naturally meant heading to Canal Park in Duluth. 2009-08-27 canal park_00004(Everybody else had the same idea.)  We parked & made our way to the Lakewalk (something the city is constantly improving & adding to the Lakewalk extends from Bayfront Park Pavilion up past Leif Erickson park to the Fitger’s Brewery Complex & up to where the North Shore Scenic Drive begins…a distance of 4.2 miles).  We started our walk where the path enters Canal Park & headed south toward Bayfront Park.  Pete, Anne & the boys were along which is always fun. Anne & I took turns pushing the stroller while Pete & Abe were in charge of keeping an eye on A who was speeding along on his little bike.  We ambled along chatting & watching the crowd.  We watched some brave crazy teenagers jump off  the “Ice House” (a large wooden structure submerged just a little way off shore) into what I can assure you was cold water.  We stopped for a bit when we reached one of the Lakewalk’s food stands so A could get a hot dog.  We kept walking, past the Army Corps of Engineers building & the Lake Superior Maritime Visitors Center and then under the Aerial Lift Bridge. 2009-08-27 canal park_00020 I enjoy studying the Aerial Lift Bridge. It’s a fascinating bit of construction & the architecture of it is beautiful.  If Lake Superior defines Duluth the Aerial Lift Bridge is the symbol of Duluth.  However, as fascinated as I am by the bridge I am also terrified of it (in fact I have the same love hate relationship with all bridges) and have only managed to cross it twice on foot & never in a car. Walking under it always give me the heebie-jeebies as not only can you hear the traffic that is mere inches from your head but you can look up through the openwork metal & watch the wheels zzzzzhhhhh past. 2009-08-27 canal park_00006 2009-08-27 canal park_00007 Once under the bridge we walked toward the William A Irwin (a tour I will take one day) and over the slip bridge for the Vista Tours boats.  From there we made our way to Bayfront Park where we stopped for a bit to enjoy the day & decide what to do next. 2009-08-27 canal park_00032 2009-08-27 canal park_00041 After awhile we headed back toward the cars this time walking along the busy sidewalks.  By the time we got back to the cars I was exhausted…it was a lot of walking for me but I pressed on (I thought about trying to ride in the stroller but Anne said she wouldn’t push me) and was glad to make the whole walk.
I’m hoping to convince Abe to take me up along the North Shore this coming weekend…it’s a trip me like to make at least once a year & I’m thinking we’re overdue.  Hopefully I can keep up & explore all our old haunts (maybe find some new ones).  Besides both of us need the boost we get from spending that time out in the world.
]]> http://nil17.com/2009/08/back-out-into-the-world/feed/ 1