When I met Hubby it was one of those things that you know at the time are going to affect the rest of your life. I was proven correct in that within a few short months. By the time we had known each other for a year we were engaged & had 6 months to plan a wedding. It was a challenge & there were times we both thought about just running away to somewhere new.
After the wedding (which mostly went pretty well) we were immediately thrust back into the harsh light of reality. Not that it wasn’t great but nothing was different other than I had to remember what my last name was. He worked long hours at various construction sites & I searched for a job (I had been laid off 6 weeks before our wedding when the e-business I worked for went belly up). After a month or so I found a job & off I went to the office every other day. I worked part-time for an eyeglass frame company. We sold wholesale to distributors & shops around the globe…and it was stressful at times. Then I’d get home & try to be a housewife. (I’m awful at housewifely duties…I detest cleaning, doing dishes etc. I am always willing to procrastinate until it MUST be done.)
After a couple years we decided to make a big change & move out of the city to northern Minnesota. That little thing threw a whole new spin into our marriage. We went from being together every day to seeing each other only on the weekends. Abe would leave early, early on Monday morning to commute to the Cities & stay there until after work on Friday. Then after a 2 hour drive home I’d finally get to see him. We spent two years with that routine.
Talk about putting strain on a marriage. (Yes I know people do that all the time. That doesn’t make it any less hard on their relationships or on mine.) I would spend all week alone, taking care of the puppies & the house. We both learned to sleep alone…something that was a challenge to overcome some nights when we were together. With my inability to lie in one spot & his talking while kicking and punching it was a free-for-all. Mostly we managed to take it in stride though I was often lonely. Finally we reached the point where the stars aligned & Abe found a job near our home.
Sometimes I wonder how much strain a marriage can take though. After getting a really decent job near our home, I also got a part-time job & things seemed to be heading toward something good. Surprise!! but not so much. Instead after a year Abe was suddenly without a job & no prospects on the horizon. Job opportunities got more & more scarce. He went to work with his dad on their own company while I continued in my office job. We made ends meet for the most part, then I got sick. I pushed on for over a year after my first vicious gallbladder attack.
Then this past August I ended up hospitalized for a week. I had dozens of tests & after 5 days was sent home with some meds for pain. At the same time we were making the decision to move again…this time to a different state. As we began working on that plan I struggled to deal with a work environment that was more than difficult. The stress was palpable everywhere I went. Abe did what he could to help me & encourage me to recover from being so ill.
Then in the midst of finding a place to live, jobs and all we got what is the most amazing, joyful news–we were pregnant. More stress piled on as we processed the idea of becoming parents. Then we moved, I continued to fight different illnesses, Abe interviewed for different jobs & finally found one.
There’s so much strain & stress that we’ve gone through the last few years. Now it seems like there’s more piling up every day. He works long hard hours building houses & I’m dealing with a challenging pregnancy. On top of that I’m battling depression which sucks my ambition & joy right up. It’s all I can do to get out of bed many days. Abe struggles to understand what I’m going through and what his role as “Dad” will be.
I’m not saying that we’re breaking up or that things are awful. Rather there’s this strain…a stretching of our bond that doesn’t seem to have an end. We are more irritable toward each other; less forgiving that the dishwasher isn’t empty or there’s muddy footprints on the floor. Life has inundated us with a lot of the ick & the good is drowning. We push back but are getting tired of it. The strain is starting to tell & while it is just a phase it is a phase that can’t end quickly enough.