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What Are You Thinking About?

20 Aug

The other night Magnus was sleeping early so Abe & I were snuggling; enjoying the quiet time together. After a few minutes of silence I asked what he was thinking about. “Nothing much, just you”, he replied. I laughed; it figures that is the answer I would get. Abe isn’t big on sharing what goes on inside his head. Many times I feel like some sort of mind-reading machine trying to figure out what’s up with him.

After a few more minutes Abe asked what I was thinking about. “I’m a girl; there are hundreds of thoughts floating around in my brain. In fact, I really wish I could just shut it off for awhile”, I turned to look at him, “You really don’t want to hear all the stuff that’s floating around up there”. We bantered back and forth for a bit about it. Abe kept insisting he wanted to know what I was thinking; I kept telling him that letting that loose would ruin our quiet mood. Finally to end the discussion I started listing things that were popping up as thoughts. (I have heard the brain described as an intricate filing system. Men can have 2 maybe 3 drawers open at a time; any more & their filing cabinet tips over making a mess. Women can have dozens of drawers open at one time & quickly flip between them. Not only that but women can leave drawers partially open while men shut each drawer firmly.) Here in no particular order are some of the thoughts that I expressed last night….

I’m wondering about moving again, how we will manage the actual move, the logistics of packing with an additional person in the family, how we will manage to clear snow this winter since we don’t have a snow blower & it’s a much larger area than Abe can realistically shovel, how I’m going to furnish/decorate the new house, how Magnus will like the new house, how the dogs will like the new house, that I need the psychologist to call me back so I can make an appointment to discuss taking different meds for my depression, my depression doesn’t seem to be helped by my current meds so what difference does it make if I take them, I need to do my laundry, what to make for my family reunion on Saturday, will the weather be decent on Saturday, how will Magnus deal with traveling that far, will Magnus be in a good frame of mind, what should I wear to the reunion, I hate my hair–I wish it looked nicer, I feel defectivebrokendented, will I ever feel like “myself” again, I need to start back on my WiiFit, I don’t have the motivation to start back on the WiiFit, I need a job, I need to be able to stay home & take care of Magnus, I wish I could get paid to write, how can I get paid to write when I can’t even manage to update my blog on a semi-regular basis….

You get the idea anyway. As I was listing off things that I was thinking about more & more popped into my head. It was a bit like that scene in “Ghostbusters” where the poltergeist makes all the cards fly out of the card catalogue. I told Abe that I felt like my brain was full of posty notes randomly stuck all without any discernible pattern. He laughed as I went on a spiel about how with all those posty notes stuck everywhere it was no wonder my brain wasn’t working right & that I was forgetting things…new posties keep getting stuck on top of old ones.

That’s some of what I’m thinking about…what are YOU thinking about?

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Posted in I should be in therapy, Patently Ridiculous, What's in my Head

The Birth of Magnus Troy

19 Jul

When we last saw our heroine she was lying in an extremely hard birthing bed on day 3 of being induced for the health of both Baby & momma. As we resume the doctor has decided to break the water in hopes of speeding up the labor & subsequent delivery.

It was apparent that I was going to need an epidural before my water was broken. I was incredibly happy to hear that as anything that would ease pain for even a short time had reached DefCon 5. Abe stood in front of me & held my hands as the epidural was placed in my back. I abhor needles so having a giant one inserted into my back was not one of my most favorite things but I did much better than I thought I would. There was very little flinching & no embarrassing crying or fainting.

While we waited for the epidural to take effect & the doctor to come back Abe headed out into the waiting area to tell some family what was happening & to take care of some business with his paycheck. In the meantime the doctor came back & a team of people were with her. It was time to break my water. Of course I immediately wanted Abe with me but he was not to be found. The procedure was completed (I will spare you my description of it) and suddenly I was rolled onto my left side while a nurse slapped an oxygen mask on my face & began talking me through some slow, deep breathing. I could tell something was wrong but didn’t know what. Through all of this my cell (my Blackberry, my tether, my line to the outside world) was clutched in my right hand. When I was rolled onto my side I remembered the phone & quickly sent a text message to Abe. The gist of the message was “Get your ass in here RIGHT NOW!”.

Abe showed up right quick & was there when the doctor came back to discuss our options. The doctor explained that when my water broke Baby’s heart rate dropped to 50. It came back up but would decelerate every time I had a contraction. They stopped the pitocin for a while and the heart rate remained where it was supposed to be but I stopped having contractions. Dr U explained that we could continue the pitocin & try for a natural delivery but that every time the pitocin was used it would take a toll on Baby. On the other hand there was the option for a c-section. As with all surgery there are inherent risks but we concluded that taking time to do a c-section while Baby wasn’t in distress made the most sense for everybody’s well-being.

The team got right to work getting me ready to head down to the OR for surgery. They worked on increasing the epidural along with getting me to sign all kinds of release forms. Then I was wheeled down the hall to surgery; Abe had been ushered off to scrub & don the gown, mask and hat so he could join us. Once in the OR the anesthesiologist worked on getting a new IV placed so that I could handle the drugs. It took a bit of work but the new IV went in perfectly & soon I was taking all the drugs that were needed. With the epidural flowing (like a trickle of cool water sliding down my back) I was soon numb to my sternum. The blue barrier went up & the doctors came in with Abe.

Abe was seated to my left & could reach out to hold my hand which was very necessary as I was freaking out in a corner of my mind though I was working very hard to breathe & remain calm on the outside. Waiting for the first cut was nerve-wracking — Dr. F & Dr. U were great though & soon put me at ease. There was this wonderful atmosphere of joy in the OR. The whole team was chatting, smiling & laughing. Abe & I joined in on the chatter discussing whether the baby was a boy or girl, name choices, how long we waited to become parents etc. Dr. U told me she was going to have to perform a vertical incision which “will mess up your bikini line”. “Right, because I’ve worn a bikini so much recently”, I retorted.

As the surgical team went about performing the C-section I was talking with them, Abe & generally feeling better than I had in several days (mostly due to the fact I could lie flat on my back & I had an excellent supply of drugs being pumped into me). In what seemed like a long time but was really only 6 minutes Dr U commented on how wrapped up the baby was. Then came the big announcement… “It’s a boy”! Abe & I were surprised & overjoyed. I had thought for sure that we would be having a girl. Of course it didn’t matter at all…a healthy baby was all we really wanted. As the doctor held the baby up over the blue barrier I glanced up to see our son — beautiful & perfect with just a bit of dark hair. The nurses quickly cleaned him off a bit & wrapped him up in a blanket before handing him off to the proud father.

While the nurses were getting him clean they asked if we had a name. Glancing at Abe I said Magnus Troy is his name. We had started out joking about naming a boy Magnus as it is such a strong name & we figured it was a name that could be for any profession. Who wouldn’t love to hear a kickass prog rock/metal band called Magnus? Cheering for a ball player (football, baseball or basketball) named Magnus… absolutely! However, what started out as a bit of a laugh for us quickly became a name that just seemed to fit; it grew on us & one look at the little man sealed the deal.

Anyway, I’m still on the table and can “feel” the doctors working on me. I can feel tugging & pulling in my abdomen. I heard someone ask “Can someone cut this suture left-handed”? “Yes, Dr F can cut that left-handed”. Me, being the smartass that I am, pipes up with “Just don’t let Dr. F use the kindergarten plastic safety scissors”. Dr U chimes in, “Oh, didn’t we tell you? We only let Dr F use the kindergarten safety scissors”. “Well in that case I am out of here,” I laughed. Leave it to me to joke with and taunt the doctor who is in the middle of stitching me back up.

At the same time part of me is detached & watching Abe with Magnus. It was a surreal feeling to be gazing at my husband & newborn son while a bunch of people were cutting & sewing on me. I was absorbed in seeing the two of them together…it was (and will always be) one of the best most complete moments of my life. We were a family — after years of hoping, praying & trying — there was a child in our family.

The surgical team was finishing up on me and the nurses came over to take Magnus for weighing, measuring & a better bath. I could see them out of the corner of my left eye & realized there was a lot of whispering. Just as my brain started to panic the nurses announced that due to a lower level of oxygen then they really liked Magnus was going off to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Before Magnus was whisked off (Abe went along) I got to have him rest on my chest for a few seconds as we had our first family picture taken. Then I went back to the room I had been in earlier to recover over night & Magnus was off to NICU where he was put on oxygen, had a chest x-ray & had antibiotics etc through IV.

There’s more to the hospital stay…several more days for both of us as I tried to recover from the preeclampsia & c-section and Magnus was weaned off the IV & onto breast-feeding. Maybe I will share all that another time. Right now I have a little boy who needs his mom….

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Posted in Baby Stuff, Family, Memories

A Preview of Upcoming Posts

12 Jun

Every small town in this area (in fact in the country probably) has some type of summer weekend fling. They celebrate the town’s heritage etc. Here we have “Wheels & Squeals”…a combination car show & rib fest weekend. There are quite a few events along with food, requisite beer garden & live music. After reading the proposed events it has been decided that in spite of my bed rest requirements we must attend some of the events. Obviously I will be taking my lawn chair as well as my camera. I could not in all good conscience •not• bring my beloved readers a look at what is sure to be a white trashy good time. I mean who wants to miss the burnout contest, ugliest/loudest car contest, greased pig chase and so much more.

All of this occurs next weekend (coinciding with a visit from my mother-in-law) so stay tuned for what is surely going to be a weekend of ….well quite possibly abject horror.

I also need to recap our trip to RockFest in KC last month. We had a good time & enjoyed seeing Hubby’s brother. I will take the time to post the pictures I managed to take along with a full description of all the craziness we witnessed.

Of course there is always baby stuff for me to carry on about but we shall see if I have the energy to hash over how I’m doing in that department.

In the meantime I highly recommend that you check out the following blogs for something entertaining, thought-provoking & just plain good reading.

Check out my friend Mary at Fit This, Girl! for fitness tips, encouragement, good recipes & general boosting of spirits.

A Twitter friend, Sugarwilla over at her blog is working on 30 Days of Gratitude. Stop for a bit & leave a comment.

Another Twitter friend, Amy over at Taste Like Crazy always has something fun going on. Check her out for wild & crazy stories about being a mom, writer, wife etc.

For a look at what’s happening with one of my favorite bands check out Shadow Gallery. I know they are rehearsing for a trip to Europe where they will debut live at ProgPower Europe 2010.

Another place to check out some great music & writing is over at The Mutant Mouse Chronicles. The head Mutant Mouse has been writing a lot & also has links to where you can get his music. I highly recommend you get some (or all) of what is on offer.

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Posted in Miscellaneous, Musings, Out & About, What's in my Head

Plus Eight

06 Jun

So here’s the deal…eight is rather a magic number in my family. My dad is one of 8 kids (2 girls, 4 boys, 2 girls); I am one of 8 kids (2 girls, 4 boys, a girl & a boy) and now my child is going to be one of 8 grandkids (2 boys, a girl, 3 boys & 2 yet to be determined).

It’s funny that it has worked out this way. In fact after four years of no new grandchildren suddenly we are doubling them in a matter of months. Two new additions in the last 2 weeks alone. Grayson Joseph Jay was born 5/25 (3 weeks early) weighing in at 6lbs 15oz & 20″ long. He has fuzzy dark hair & is perfect. We were glad to see him & rejoice with my brother R & his wife as they had a long hard road getting pregnant. Thankfully the pregnancy went pretty well. Then on 6/3 Micah Joel made an appearance (2 weeks early) weighing in at 6lbs 14oz & 20″ long. He has long brown/blonde hair & looks like he’s recently had some highlights added. Micha joins his brother Asher who will be 2 this fall. My sister-in-law J went in & had her water broken at 12:30 pm…she delivered at 2:38 pm after some serious back labor but since she only pushed 4 times I don’t feel too badly for her.

One very special thing about Micah’s delivery is that his brother Asher was in the delivery room the whole time. He helped J with her breathing at the start. He would stand by her shoulder & go “hee hee hee hoo” with her. By all accounts he was a big help & even managed to sleep through the most intense parts of the labor. Asher woke up just as Micah was being delivered. After catching a VERY quick glimpse of the birth he pointed, made a face & pointedly said, “Mess”! I love how honest & forthright kids are even if they don’t know all that’s going on. Other than that Asher seems to have embraced being a big brother (we’ll see how long it is before they fight over trucks).

So now we wait….it is a month to the day until my official due date. I am hoping that this last month goes smoothly & I’m refusing to think about labor & delivery or I may just refuse to give birth. After my (our) little one makes an appearance we have to wait until September for the last baby to arrive. It is going to be a busy Christmas for the family this year but we are excited to have all these little people joining the older cousins.

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Posted in Baby Stuff, Family

Cowboy Day & Flapjacks

03 Dec

We are staying at my parents’ house for the rest of the week/weekend as we attempt to find housing for the big move which is coming up fast. So far we’ve had lots of great prospects but unfortunately there seems to be something odd or not workable each time we get close….but that’s a whole other “Dr. Phil”.

Last night while making pancakes for supper (with fresh blueberries….. *drools*) we needed more butter. Mom got some out & put it in the microwave to soften it. She placed it next to me as I dropped 2 piping hot pancakes onto my plate (everybody else had already had their first round). I grabbed the knife & proceeded to find that the butter was NOT soft…. ”Well it’s not frozen any more”, Mom retorted to my observation. ”You know how I feel about butter on my pancakes.” With the long suffering sigh only a mother possesses, “Yes I know….” Growing up Mom always made the best pancakes (she still does) and would always spread just the right amount of butter on each one, letting it melt into the golden brown before adding the syrup. They were always light & fluffy, melting sweetly on your tongue. It was the best thing in the world to wake up to the smell of the griddle heating for pancakes. Sometimes we’d get pancakes with faces or ones that looked like Mickey Mouse.

Here’s the story of me & my pancakes….

When I was in kindergarten we had Cowboy Day. Everybody dressed up like a cowboy or cowgirl & we had flapjacks. I was so excited for Cowboy Day…Mom even made me a special outfit to wear with my boots (I think I even took a six shooter cap gun…..my how times have changed. Nowadays a kid taking a cap gun to school would surely be arrested & placed on a terrorist watch list) & of course I had a red handkerchief too. It was all fun & games til it came time to eat. One of the mothers who was helping gave me my flapjacks….with a big blob of butter in the center (all cold & unmelty) and promptly doused it in an overly large amount of cold syrup. I was aghast! Never had I witnessed such an atrocity….so I did what any 6 year old would do…pitched the mother of all hissy fits. I was adamant that I would not eat a lukewarm flapjack with a cold butter blob & enough syrup in which to bathe. There was no admonition, no threat, no “There are starving kids in Africa” speech that would move me….I wasn’t going to eat that flapjack.

I don’t remember what happened after that…it’s possible that I just went without & if so I would have done it with a sense of deep satisfaction at getting my way. I do know that upon my return home that day Mom asked how my day had gone. Bursting into tears I recounted my tale of woe & flapjacks improperly prepared. No doubt Mom comforted me & reassured me that it was indeed okay to not eat the flapjacks. I am equally sure that I was told to be more polite about not wanting to eat something.

To this day I have a difficult time ordering pancakes in a restaurant because often times they come in a haphazard pile (pancakes should be neatly stacked) with a giant blob of butter in the center. At least they provide me the option of adding the syrup on my own.

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Posted in For the Love of Food, I should be in therapy, Memories

Honest Scrap Award

10 Nov

For the love of Aunt Carrie’s corset I got my first ever blog award yesterday. My awesome friend Mary over at FitThisGirl was more than kind to award me one of her coveted 10. ”Becci!! I am nominating you for the Honest Scrap award!! I love your blog honest and raw humor, it is refreshing!”, says the cool girl with the rocking blog. Well I’m flattered & a little taken aback to be thus noticed. Anyway, I am here fulfilling my part of the bargain with a post of my own.

honestscrap1

The Rules

? “The Honest Scrap Award” must be shared!

? The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves.

? The recipient has to pass this prestigious award along to 10 more bloggers.

? Those 10 bloggers need to be notified they have received this award.

? Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog from where they received their award.

1. I am afraid of heights! I mean terrified, petrified, completely phobic about heights yet I still want to walk to the edge of the cliff & look down. I guess I’m trying to face my fear but it never seems to help…instead I’m just paralyzed at the edge of a cliff which seems like a bad thing….

2. I am also terrified of drowning…needless to say while I love the architecture of bridges crossing them can be my own personal Waterloo. The Aerial Lift Bridge in Duluth, MN is a classic example…I never get tired of looking at or photographing it. Crossing it is just plain out of the question….

Aerial Lift Bridge

walking under the Aerial Lift Bridge

3. I have 2 tattoos. One on each shoulder. My first tattoo is a head shot of Betty Boop & I’ve had it for something close to 12 years. My second tattoo is a grouping of 4 flowers…each represents a grandparent that Hubby & I have lost. I am anxious to get a 3rd tattoo which will be a representation of my life with Abe. If I’m lucky I would also like a 4th tattoo designed by Abe…I have to be patient & wait though as Abe has some ink of his own he’d like to have added on.

Betty Boop tattoo

flower tattoo

4. I am an incurable insomniac. Even though right now I’m so tired I’m sliding out of my skin I’m typing away on my laptop. It’s very hard for me to turn my brain off at the end of the day…even lying in bed trying to clear my mind often ends up having the opposite result. This will lead to me wide awake in the dark listening to Abe softly snore & wondering if I should have worn different shoes with a particular outfit when I was 14.

5. I am terrible at keeping my own secrets. Yours I will take to the grave (maybe I’ll tell Abe but you can trust him…he talks a lot less than I do) but mine I blurt out all the time. I want you to know what I’m getting you for your birthday/anniversary/Christmas etc so that you can be excited too.

6. I am slightly envious (ok, maybe I’m really envious but in a totally good way) of anybody who is an artist. I wish that I had the talent to paint, draw or sculpt. Unfortunately I can’t even draw a decent stick figure so I’m out of luck. I do however love the feeling of movement & swirl of emotion I get when looking at someone else’s creation. It’s a truly intimate thing to share what comes out on canvas or marble (or any other media) with an audience & I applaud those who do it.

7. Kids….I adore kids. There are few things I won’t do to earn a smile & laughter from a child. Nothing in this world is more fleeting & pure than the sound of a child or baby bubbling over with joy. It melts my heart every time.

8. Someday I want to own the following: a motorcycle, a horse, a sailboat & a late model Chevy Corvair convertible. Preferably all at the same time…yes I realize that it’s impractical because where exactly can one own a horse & sailboat and but them both to use? I have no idea but in my land of make-believe it’s not only possible but mandatory.

9. I knew (but wouldn’t admit) the first time I saw Abe that I would marry him. He picked me up at my apartment, walked me to his car & opened my door, holding it until I was in & then closing it for me. I leaned across to unlock his door & as I did that I knew I wanted to do it for the rest of my life. How a nice quiet guy like him ever decided to put up with a crazy, insecure girl like me I will never know.

10. Books…what can I say? First off I guess I should mention that some people (looking pointedly at Abe) think I read fast. I don’t know why anybody would come to that conclusion…just because I can read & retain major portions of books of 500+ pages in a 24 hour period does not mean that I read fast. Seriously, didn’t all of you read the 7th Harry Potter in 18 hours? Second I should mention that since I have been a rabid, ravenous, rapacious reader since the age of 3. I vividly remember checking out the complete works of Shakespeare at age 10. Both the librarian & teacher looked at me as if I were mental…yet I devoured it–enraptured. I can read a book with a singular focus…blocking out all things around me (including natural disasters, fire drills & screaming in my ear).

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Posted in I AM, I should be in therapy, Musings, My Comptuer & Me, What's in my Head

Seen Your Weiner or Why I Prefer Hooters

09 Nov

Lately life has been hectic & overwhelming to the point where I’m a hot mess. Recently I’ve been off work quite a bit (ok in the last 2 weeks I’ve worked a total of 5 days) and it has reinforced my need to be done at my current job. However I digress…this post is a review. As a recent music reviewer (which I so enjoyed & hope to do again) I now take pen in hand ….ok keyboard in hand…to give you a review of a new restaurant in Sioux Falls, SD. If you are looking for an adventure in eating I will admit that Señor Wiener is an adventure. However, it’s a frightening adventure filled with double entendre of the lowest caliber. There is nothing clever about the innuendo & even less cleverness in the menu.

Purporting to be a novelty hot dog restaurant this place lays on the schtick with a trowel. Wieners, wieners everywhere & no relief in sight (bring your R O L A I D S–just so you are prepared).

the front window

Now from the outside there’s room for a few snickers & groans at the over the top signs. Just inside the door is a large statue of Señor Wiener along with posters of our “hero” in iconic places/events. The menu is basic & has the potential to be pretty good & seemingly inexpensive. The offerings start with bratwurst, all beef hot dogs, corn dogs or Polish sausage. Choose your white or whole wheat bun & whether you want grilled, boiled or fried. For $2.50 it seems like a good deal…then the pick-pocketing begins. For every additional topping that’s hot (chili, cheese, grilled onions etc) or every cold topping (onions, pickles, peppers, shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, mushrooms, olives etc) it is an additional $.50 & sauces (mayo, hot sauce,barbecue sauce, gravy) are an additional $.25 with the exceptions of traditional ketchup & mustard. Seriously if you want a Chicago-style dog with all the fixings: onions, relish, tomato, kosher dill pickle & sport peppers your hot dog now costs $5.00 plus tax. Add in fries at $2.50 & a soda at $1.50 and you are looking at $9.00 plus tax for a very mediocre meal.

Now for the rest of the restaurant…okay I get why Señor Wiener is funny in the most sophomoric of ways. I mean the first time I heard it & saw it I snickered like a 13 year old. It’s funny but the over-the-top nature makes Hooters seem less absurd. Here’s a small taste of what I encountered ….

the booths

the bonfire accessories

using the bonfire accessories--umm YIKES!

for the girl with no shame

stating the obvious

stating the obvious 2.0

I don't know what he's doing but I don't want him parked in front of my house....

All in all I will take a trip to Hooters any day. Sure there’s more butt cheek on display there than I really care to see & if I wanted to look at that much cleavage I could do it for free at home but their wings are pretty damn tasty. If I am going to tolerate body parts (or pseudo body parts) with my meal I want something that is more like actual food & less like a chew toy for my dogs. Besides let’s be honest–I’d much rather have some hot girls serving my food than a snotty nosed teen with a wiener complex.

4 Comments

Posted in Embarrassing stuff I make Abe do to entertain me., For the Love of Food, Oh WOW!, Out & About, Patently Ridiculous

Self-Cleaning Oven

18 Oct

Last weekend when I had my head in the oven (no it was not a Sylvia Plath moment) at my brother-in-law’s house I was struck with the overwhelming memory of me as a very young girl in another kitchen.

I have such vivid memories of the first house I really lived in (the first house I lived in was for such little time I don’t even count it) that it still seems like “home” to me although I haven’t lived there in over 20 years. I remember the hot pink shag carpet in my bedroom, the Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy lamp (which I still have somewhere), the way we could race from room to room in a big circle, Dad’s brown recliner, the gold couch & the pea soup green carpet.

We had blonde wood cabinets with large copper-looking knobs. When I was very little I would sit on the top shelf of one of the lower cupboards and play in there. I’d pull all the pots & pans out, banging away like a rock n roll drummer. I also liked to have Mom shut the doors & just curl up inside. Another thing I remember very well is the oven. We had a built in oven in that house…a sort of reddish-brown color that sat on the far side of the kitchen from where you normally entered, right next to the doorway for the back living room.

Since Mom always cooked & baked a lot it was inevitable that the oven would need to be cleaned. One day in particular I was watching Mom clean the oven…since it was not self-cleaning she was using an oven-cleaning spray & a lot of scrubbing. I was underfoot observing all the scrubbing & gross black gunk being removed…not being a fan of icky things I voiced how much I disliked the process.

“Mom, that’s gross”, I said in my little voice, “when I grow up & have an oven of my own you’re going to have to come visit & clean my oven for me.”

Sadly Mom doesn’t come clean my oven but luckily I can turn it on & let it self-clean….

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Posted in I AM, Memories

Cave-ing

11 Oct

I’m feeling like a trip down memory lane again today & this is another one the that makes me laugh ’til I cry &/or snort. Whenever Abe really wants to make me laugh he will mention our one & only “real” vacation. Back when life was good & full of promise we decided to take a vacation…so I planned a week long trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota. I booked online & we chose the first week in October. (I will never go there during the summer again if I can avoid it…it was heavenly to be there & avoid the crowds.) A lot of the tourist traps were closed but the good stuff was open & we were able to wander around without feeling like we were in a herd of cattle. When I booked online I chose a package which included passes to the Badlands, Mount Rushmore, Wind Cave & Custer State Park among a few other things.

The Badlands was amazing & we spent a glorious afternoon off-roading through the southern part–totally alone on the windswept buttes & as we drove out at sunset we were lucky enough to drive through the herd of buffalo. We were so close we could nearly touch them. They were completely undisturbed by our presence so we coasted along for quite awhile watching them. I was lucky enough to experience a truly primitive moment when one of the large bulls looked me right in the eye as we drove past…

Anyway, one day we drove to Wind Cave National Park…this was my first time in a cave & although I am a bit claustrophobic I was a trooper (at least I think so….) and just held my breath when I got scared. It was amazing & beautiful — some of the best scenery I’ve ever had the pleasure of photographing. Someday I’ll get ambitious & post them here. One of the most memorable things about the tour was our guide….

Picture, if you will, a tall woman…ordinary in every way, very pleasant manner & the speaking cadence of Keanu Reeves in “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”. Yes you heard me…suddenly all I could see was Keanu in drag…it is a memory that both haunts & amuses me. In order to give you the full experience please take a trip with me into the cave….(this is all in a California surfer voice…very nasal from a woman born & raised in the Midwest) It went a little something like this–

“So, like there’s tons of cavers (I’m thinking what in the world is a caver?) in like Russia & Mexico. They’re super great & like laid back and stuff. So if you think you wanna go caving (the English major shudders even thinking that word) like just go & you’ll like have the awesomest time. I mean I went caving in Mexico right? It was just really like so fun. All these people just like hang out in caves, ya know, and explore. There’s just so much cool stuff to do when caving….there’s the tunnels & the crawling around….and then there’s like just all this really cool stuff to see.”

Now I understood what she meant when using “caving”….I am fairly well-read & I love words so it wasn’t that I had trouble grasping the definition. However, I am much more familiar with the term spelunking ….the word “caving” falls into that horrible place where words are turned into verbs for no good reason. I personally don’t understand it…just saying. Well, the monologue went on like that for some time…since just typing like that has given me a nervous tic I must stop there. ( It was amusing & yet horrifying as Abe & I had to listen to that for over an hour. I nearly threw myself into a pitch black hole to avoid it but Abe restrained me & promised me a stiff drink if I could soldier on. If I can find the video we took (I believe we have audio of the guide talking) I may have to attempt an upload so you can get the full effect.

We did have a great time & it was fascinating to see all the formations. The one thing that always comes back to us though is the “caving” & the “cavers”….so like anybody wanna go caving & like totally have the funnest, most awesomest time ever? (in my best Valley Girl accent).

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Posted in Embarrassing stuff I make Abe do to entertain me., Memories, Out & About

Non-Addictive Cigarettes

09 Oct

I have to tell this story & I apologize to the other person involved–you know I love you girl but this is too funny not to share.

Lately with all the depression & think-y time I’ve had memories have been washing over me–some of them have been like a storm-tossed wave from the depths of Lake Superior. Others have felt like warm gentle waves kissing my toes on a beach in paradise. The following story falls somewhere in between….but it makes me laugh & that has been in short supply so I’m going to recount it.

Back in my singleton days, when I was wild & crazy living in the Cities, I spent a lot of time with my best friend from college. The two of us were inseparable in a lot of ways. My 23rd birthday was our intro to the world of partying. For the two of us that involved drinking & *gasp* cigarettes. We had our share of rowdy nights & days wandering around Uptown & Downtown Minneapolis. With cigarettes I have the odd ability to smoke them or not. Never got hooked on them & I count myself very fortunate for that.

My friend was a different story. One day as we were standing waiting for a bus in Uptown I mentioned that I thought she was smoking an awful lot. In true Roar fashion she looked at me and stated, “I can smoke as many as I want”. This stunned me & I asked why she thought that. ”Look”, she brandished her brand new pack at me, “they are non-addictive”.

To this day there aren’t words for the initial shock I felt upon hearing those words. My mouth agape & tears pouring down my face from laughing, it took me at least 3 minutes to answer the now frantic Roar, “What….WHAT….WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT”! I finally managed to grab the back & slowly point out the word on that pack of American Spirits (yellow pack)~~ Non-additive….

That’s right, my dear friend (who is a very intelligent woman) had mistaken these “natural” cigarettes as non-habit forming…needless to say she was shocked & as concerned as I when she realized the extent her non-addictive habit had reached. I am happy to say that we are both smoke-free these days — older, wiser & able to laugh still at those wild & crazy days roaming the city together.

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