It has been just over six weeks since Magnus was born. He was just a little peanut when he came home…and while he has grown he is still a little peanut. We are blessed that he is healthy & so aware. He loves to be held where he can look around. There are times where my arms are exhausted but I love that Magnus is a snuggly baby. He loves to snuggle with both of us. Magnus is our sweetie baby…he has the sweetest smile & is a bit of a flirty boy already.

I had my six week post partum check-up today. My doctor says I’m in good shape for going back to being active. I’m excited to be able to start doing yoga again. In fact I’m going to have my good friend Mary over at Fit This! Girl put together a work out regimen for me.  Since I’ve already lost 50 pounds I think I’m well set to get more fit so I can keep up with Magnus as he gets more active.  This summer has been hard for me to be so inactive.  The sweltering weather has made me feel a bit better about being housebound.  It has been far to hot & humid to be outside during the afternoon (morning too for the most part).  I do miss the hiking & other activities we used to do up at the North Shore.  Hopefully we will be able to make a trip up there to visit this fall.

Other than that I’m trying to put a positive face on when facing the “public”.  Reality is that I’m not coping all that well emotionally.  As much as I have always wanted a baby & as much as I’m completely head over heels in love with Magnus I wonder if maybe I was meant to be a mom.  Many times I feel that Magnus would be better off with a different mommy…that someone else would do a better job than I. In light of that I’ve talked with my doctor & we have increased my meds twice.  Now I’m under orders to see a psych to discuss what my options are for changing meds.  I’m not wild about this idea at all.  I’d much prefer my chosen method of ignoring it as much as possible.  If I won’t even talk about it with Abe I certainly don’t want to discuss it with a complete stranger.  However, I know that the better I feel the better I will be at being a mommy for Magnus.

Today I just want to give out some love to a few of the fantastic bloggers that I keep up with.

First I’m going to give a shout out to my girl Mary over at Fit This,Girl! who wasn’t sure she wanted to join the blog-set.  She is now at her 100th post & rocking it.  I’ve known Mary for longer than either of us probably care to admit but she still rocks my socks.  For a hot new recipe (I promise they are good for you too) or the newest fitness clothes, shoes & workouts Mary’s got you covered.  Occasionally she even makes me think about working out…Fit This, Girl! is the place to be for inspiration in your battle against sloth.

Another great blog that always has something interesting going on is Little Daily Escape.  Now if I’ve known Mary for a long time I know Megan doesn’t want me disclosing all the stuff we’ve gotten into together.  Meg & I have managed to stay close in spite of being cousins & only seeing each other on holidays, special occasions etc.  She’s a busy mom with 2 girls, a career as something engineer-y (yes it’s a real word…), a runner, a musician and a wife. Head on over to Little Daily Escape & keep up with all the adventures.  Guaranteed to make you smile.

There are so many more & my humble words don’t really do them justice…check out the giant list of blogs on the right side of your page.  You’ll certainly find something to make you laugh, smile, think & enjoy.

I haven’t been up to doing much lately…mostly I can make it through a day at work & back home.  It’s strange to feel this tired & even worse this weak.  Slowly I’m doing my best to get back the strength that not feeling well has sucked out of me.  To that end I decided that a day outside –specifically in Duluth was just what I needed.

I love spending time along Lake Superior.  The more time I spend there the more I am amazed at all the different moods the water has.  Lake Superior is it’s own character…it is defined by itself & it defines Duluth (and a lot of other towns).  Driving into Duluth from the south on I35 there’s a point where you top the last hill before driving down into the city.  I still remember the first time Abe & I ever drove to Duluth because my eyes were immediately drawn toward the lake.  While Duluth may never be a picturesque city there is a drama that dwells there along the shores of Lake Superior.  But back to my original thought….

Last weekend was gorgeous weather-wise…so after working around the house on Saturday we took Sunday to enjoy a bit of summer.  That naturally meant heading to Canal Park in Duluth. (Everybody else had the same idea.)  We parked & made our way to the Lakewalk (something the city is constantly improving & adding to the Lakewalk extends from Bayfront Park Pavilion up past Leif Erickson park to the Fitger’s Brewery Complex & up to where the North Shore Scenic Drive begins…a distance of 4.2 miles).  We started our walk where the path enters Canal Park & headed south toward Bayfront Park.  Pete, Anne & the boys were along which is always fun.

Anne & I took turns pushing the stroller while Pete & Abe were in charge of keeping an eye on A who was speeding along on his little bike.  We ambled along chatting & watching the crowd.  We watched some brave crazy teenagers jump off  the “Ice House” (a large wooden structure submerged just a little way off shore) into what I can assure you was cold water.  We stopped for a bit when we reached one of the Lakewalk’s food stands so A could get a hot dog.  We kept walking, past the Army Corps of Engineers building & the Lake Superior Maritime Visitors Center and then under the Aerial Lift Bridge.

I enjoy studying the Aerial Lift Bridge. It’s a fascinating bit of construction & the architecture of it is beautiful.  If Lake Superior defines Duluth the Aerial Lift Bridge is the symbol of Duluth.  However, as fascinated as I am by the bridge I am also terrified of it (in fact I have the same love hate relationship with all bridges) and have only managed to cross it twice on foot & never in a car. Walking under it always give me the heebie-jeebies as not only can you hear the traffic that is mere inches from your head but you can look up through the openwork metal & watch the wheels zzzzzhhhhh past.

Once under the bridge we walked toward the William A Irwin (a tour I will take one day) and over the slip bridge for the Vista Tours boats.  From there we made our way to Bayfront Park where we stopped for a bit to enjoy the day & decide what to do next.

After awhile we headed back toward the cars this time walking along the busy sidewalks.  By the time we got back to the cars I was exhausted…it was a lot of walking for me but I pressed on (I thought about trying to ride in the stroller but Anne said she wouldn’t push me) and was glad to make the whole walk.

I’m hoping to convince Abe to take me up along the North Shore this coming weekend…it’s a trip me like to make at least once a year & I’m thinking we’re overdue.  Hopefully I can keep up & explore all our old haunts (maybe find some new ones).  Besides both of us need the boost we get from spending that time out in the world.

Today was the big day…for the 2nd Annual Friends of Don Sather 5k Run/Walk.  Which I was pre-registered to participate in (along with Hubby this year).  First a little backstory on the whole event.

{The inaugural event was July 10th of last year (2008) & was put together to help raise money for medical bills associated with the treatment for ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) for a local man.  His classmates (Class of ’71) got together & decided to help Don out.  It was a great success & we raised a significant sum of money to help  him out (along with some of the proceeds going to ALS research).  This past spring Don passed away…but his hope was that our little town would keep the 5k alive in his memory & work to help find a cure for ALS…which brings us back to today.}

After last year’s walk (I did it alone…on a whim) I was determined to do it again this year.  I did set some specific goals for myself in the meantime.  I wanted to be in better shape & prepared to better my time this year.  Did that happen?…well not so much.  With my always irritating gallbladder & life too I rather lost my way in the “get in shape” plan.  I started out pretty good too…was working hard every day, building my stamina and looking forward to a good showing at this year’s race.  Then I got sidetracked, run down & my motivation took the last train out of Slugville.

Still I decided to go ahead & walk this year…while I don’t feel so awesome (damn gallbladder) I decided I could still do it.  So this evening I laced up my new Ryka’s (not brand new…I’ve been using them in my WiiFit workouts so they’re broken in just not road worn), stretched my body out good,

grabbed a water bottle (after I took the shuttle from parking to the starting line…which in this case was a very comfy Lincoln Navigator.  Ahh, I love riding in style) & promptly set off at the sound of the air horn.

This year the course was through Savanna State Park rather than on the highway.  There were pros & cons to the new course.  Being in the park it was much cooler and there was some shade.  Of course we were walking on a narrow gravel road rather than a newly paved two-lane highway…this meant some soft places where the runners especially had to watch out.  Since we were in the park there was no way to avoid any traffic either…this meant sucking on a giant dust cloud every time someone drove past.

As we walked…I picked a pace I was comfortable with which meant we were quickly left behind…the course wound downhill back toward the park entrance.  I was feeling good, enjoying the sunshine filtering through the trees & my mind was alternating between composing the beginning of this post and providing some encouraging thoughts.  We wound up & down hill (this was a con—too many hills!!) to the park entrance.  As we approached the turn I was feeling great…except for the blister I could feel forming on the outside of my right instep.  Our pace was reasonable & we didn’t seem to be too far behind some of the other walkers.  The official time announced for the 1st half was 32 minutes.  I felt pretty good about that…considering I’m almost completely out of shape (no wait round is a shape right?)

So we began our trek back to the finish line…up hill.  The sun was filtering down in longer shadows and the aspen leaves rustled impatiently at our passing.  Wanting to keep on pace I pushed myself up the hills (did I mention the hills?) and lengthened my stride on the few downward slopes.  Of course I’m starting to breathe hard, my legs are feeling it a bit & my gallbladder is hammering against my right side.  Abe in the meantime has had his headphones in, calmly keeping up with me…no accelerated breathing, no sweat pouring down his back.  He didn’t even have to lengthen his stride as I chugged up the hills (yep that’s right…it was hilly).  {Side note: Of course keeping to my pace Abe’s stride was pretty comfortable so unless for some insane reason I broke into a full on run he wouldn’t have to lengthen his stride very much anyway}

I was starting to wear out…my right foot felt like it was on fire (stupid random blister.  I even made sure I wore the right socks, my shoes were broken in properly…I did everything like I was supposed to do it.), my side was getting a bit tight &  I could feel the strain beginning to show.  Yet I kept going…not slowing my stride.  When we came to the final hill…yeppers that right, the end of the course was nothing but uphill all the way… I kept my head down & pushed myself the whole way.

After crossing the finish line I headed straight for the most secluded picnic table where I yanked off my right shoe & sock to reveal a 3″ long raw, blistered spot just below my instep.  Not pretty…it still hurts like crazy but in sandals it doesn’t rub so that helps.  All in all I feel pretty good.  I’ve got some sore muscles but nothing like last year!  My final time was 1:04 so I did just a little bit better than last year’s time without the feeling of an impending heart attack or stroke. Hmm, maybe I am in better shape….

A beautiful back drop to the end of my 5k day.

It’s that time again folks…yup, I’ve got a rant & it’s a doozy. This rant has nothing to do specifically with bras so you can relax. I’m not going to discuss my cleavage today. However, I am going to talk about women, their bodies & what the hell is wrong with people!

Mom called me the other night to relate the following story. She & my younger sister B went to visit my 92 year old grandmother. Grandma J does pretty well by herself although she is more forgetful than she used to be. Grandma still does a little (very little) driving, washes her clothes (at 5 am every Saturday, don’t try to use the machines then…she’ll cut you), and all the various other chores that a woman who lived her life working hard finds to keep herself busy.
(Yes those are stacks of bodice ripper paperbacks in the back closet. No you may not read them as she will be passing them along to the next old lady in her reading circle.) Anyway, Mom & B were visiting Grandma J and they were visiting in the living room. Grandma started to complain about how she feels, her health (remarkably excellent for 92), and her appearance.

Grandma’s specific complaint…Her stomach isn’t flat enough. Yes that’s right ladies…all that insecurity you feel over the flatness of your tummy is being felt by a woman in her 90s. She has lived through WWII, the Great Depression, the 60s, the death of family & friends, financial difficulties, raising kids, working on a farm (I could go on for ages with this) & yet her worry is whether or not her stomach is flat.

Of course I understand the desire to look good…and who doesn’t want one of those impossibly flat stomachs with nary a ripple or spot of unsightly flab. Still it disgusts me that we women are so conditioned by our culture that an elderly woman is trying to find the perfect exercise to achieve this impossible dream. Seriously! We live in a society where women who do not fit a specific ideal are treated like lower class citizens. As a height challenged, non-stick person I’ve learned that I can expect less from the general world than my tall, semi-stick acquaintances. It’s something I struggle with a lot–and yes I should put down this delicious croissant & cup of coffee with cream– but I’m too busy indulging in the sensory delights of fluffy, buttery delight chased with the dark creamy flavor of South American caffiene.

One thing this “ideal” doesn’t even come close to considering is basic genetics. It is impossible for all of us to be a perfect 5’8″, 110 lb stick person. As far as I’m concerned it’s good we aren’t all this “ideal”…(that’s not to say that sometimes I don’t curse my looks) I mean the world would be an awfully dull place if there wasn’t some variety. Can you imagine what it would be like if we only had one kind of tree? Just imagine if the only tree were a 30′ white pine. Or what if there was only 1 flower…only pansies (I love panises by the way. They hold a very special place in my heart & on my body). Creation would indeed be a very dull, dreary place if we determined to make everything fit some “ideal” that was randomly decided upon & then sold to the world at large as the way it should be.

I know so many women who are beautiful in their own unique ways. It really has very little to do with their physical appearance or at least JUST their physical appearance. There is much to be said for character, brains & a wacky sense of humor. I’ve known many women who had the physical ideal down solid…looking at them is breathtaking. It’s almost hard to belive they are real people…and after talking to them for 5 seconds I feel my own IQ plummeting like the stock market on Black Monday.

Back to Grandma J for a bit though…This is a woman who has trouble bending over & can’t touch her toes (it’s ok, she’s elderly & we don’t want her putting a hip out). However, in a bid to attain that flat tummy she will lie down on her living room floor & work on crunches. I’m 60 years younger than she is & I won’t do that. (Yep I don’t have a flat stomach.) It seems ridiculous to me that by the time I reach my 90s there is a distinct possibility that I will feel the need to follow this behaviour.

Kudos to Grandma J for attempting it though, she’s a better woman than I am. Of course she puts up with a lot more than I ever would. She had a colonoscopy not that many years ago ‘cuz they wanted to be sure they caught an cancer “early”. Really?!?!?!?! At 80+ years old she had a colonoscopy. At 91 she had a mammogram (see my post on that here).  I’m sure by the time she reaches 95 (if we are lucky enough to have Grandma J around that long) she’ll need a complete face lift, a tummy tuck (‘cuz the crunches aren’t working) & some laser eye surgery.

So tell me what you think….let’s see some comments on this. (I’m going to be avoiding the mirror as I don’t want to think about crunches & I can’t seem find a single thing about me that isn’t in need of a major overhaul.  If I don’t look in the mirror I can lie to myself that I’m a cute girl with some kickin’ curves & some awesome cleavage…Now where did that 1 bra that fit me go???)

So another month has passed…it’s almost truly spring here in Minnesota. The grass is turning emerald green now. Lush with the promise of warmer days, our lawn is fast approaching the stage where we must mow for the first time. Our birdfeeder has been very busy the last few days. We’ve even been able to see new birds this year. My favorite is the chickadee…I love the “feebee” call it makes. I’ve found if I whistle in reply I can get the chickadees to “talk” to me. It always makes me smile.

I completely gave up on my workout this past month. First I had tweeked my back & needed to rest it before I did anything. Then when that healed I was just plain tired & stressed from work. Basically I’ve managed to find an excuse not to work out all month. I have done a lot of walking, hiking & throwing the nephews around so I’ve counted that as my exercise for the month. I’m going to get back to it in May.

We celebrated a wedding in the extended family on the 25th. I played photographer & it was good fun. We also celebrated my dad’s birthday with a great day of family, food & fun. It’s always good to get together with everybody & laugh. We tell our wild stories & memories with much joy.

Recently we’ve gotten letters from my bro-in-law who is at boot camp in Fort Knox, Kentucky. He’s managing ok. Not quite what he thought it would be…and he misses his family something fierce. We are proud of him for working so hard but cannot wait for him to come home! We will be having the biggest party ever when he does come back to his family.

Other than that life continues to be interesting. I picked up some great books of poetry & will be reading them for some time. I read some Chaucer for the month of April (I did slack a bit toward the end but will finish soon) and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am doing some freelance editing for an online magazine. I continue to write here & have other irons in the fire as it were. All in all I’m looking forward to more warm weather (no shoes time for me) and a trip to visit family in Missouri at the end of May. We are going to RockFest which promises to be fun (at least that’s what I’m told) & something of an adventure for me as I’m not big on crowds.

It’s been a while since I posted my intention to get in shape.  Of course at that time I didn’t really say what shape I was going to get into.  After a false start in February I worked hard to get into a routine in March.  While I didn’t go hard every day I was consistent enough to start feeling good about my efforts.  But first let me backtrack to the beginning of February.

I had decided to work on getting more fit.  I have some very specific goals in mind and I’m confident that they are fairly realistic. One of the goals is to be stronger, more flexible & have more stamina as I know that will serve me well in all aspects of my life. I won’t bore you with all the other goals…if you really want to know ask me.

What I  really want to mention is that February was full of good intentions & little else.  By the end of the month I had done little if any exercising to justify the new shoes I had purchased.  To be fair to myself (I know, I’m as shocked as you are…being fair to myself is an unusual occurance.) I started strong.  I strapped on my brand new Ryka’s, put in my new Wii workout disc & set about getting fit.  Of course I barely made it thru the setup process where I was tested on different exercises…let alone the 1/2 hour of aerobics I attempted to complete. This was enough to thoroughly discourage me.  I was excited & set my initial goal a bit high.  Going from total workout reject to an hour of shredding is insane.  One attempt at that & the shoes went back into their box. I was ready to admit defeat before even getting going.

As February ended & March began I could feel the cold fingers of a spring depression creeping in on me.  In order to combat what can become a viscious cycle for me (Feel bad, eatsleepread repeat), I got stern with myself & pulled out the new shoes, the workout pants & my WiiFit.  Since I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress I decided that sweating & boxing were good choices to start.  I’ve also added some yoga poses & aerobics to the routine so that I feel I’m covering the basics to build my stamina, flexibility & strength.

Now after a good, fairly consistent month of exercise I find it has done me some good.  I feel more energetic (when I get the appropriate amount of sleep but that’s another story).  I have noticed that my posture has improved & I walk more fluidly although I am not (and probably never will be graceful).  Some people have even mentioned that I’m starting to look more toned in some areas (I don’t see it but that’s no surprise…I have a blind spot where any of my good qualities may reside).  I do feel a teeny bit pleased that my legs seem to be getting more toned, my derriere is starting to show the advantages of all the step work I’ve been doing (I have a long way to go but it’s a start) & my ab area feels much stronger.  I don’t pant when I jog across the parking lot to my Jeep at the end of the day.  Don’t think I’m really putting a ton of effort into running (This would be sheer insanity on my part if for no other reason than my ankles have been bad since high school track).

Lately I’ve increased the intensity of my workouts as I can tell that I’ve become used to how I started & I need to continue to push myself.  I do longer, harder boxing routines, more step aerobics (with standing crunches, toe touchies & leg kicks added in) & more than the basic side stretch & warrior pose yoga.  In fact I have come to enjoy doing the downward facing dog, palm tree, sun salutation & bridge moves.

My next goal is to feel okay about how I look in dress clothes as I have a dinner date in 4 months.  My sister-in-law Anne & her husband (who is currently in basic training at Ft. Knox) want to go out on a fancy, adults-only, night on the town to celebrate his triumphant return.  Since I don’t want to be the only one wearing a burlap sack I must continue in my quest for fitness…I have some great girl clothes hanging in my closet.  My hope is that come July I can don my fancy duds, my highest heels & get a great pic before dancing & partying the night away.

It’s official…I’ve decided & put money into getting more fit. One reason is I want to lose weight (I’m a woman we always want to lose weight). I know all the medical reasons blah, blah, blah.  None of that has made any difference to me up to this point & it really is just a small part of it now.

Mostly I want to be able to do things that I struggle with now.  I love to go hiking in the summer (the North Shore is amazing & I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see enough or take enough pictures) and would really like have more stamina for that.  I’m also hoping to participate in my 2nd 5k walk/run this July.  I walked last year without any training & made it!  I also wanted to die for 3 days afterward.  I don’t intend to run this year but would like to improve my time & maybe even raise money this year as it is a fundraiser for ALS (that was started in honor of a local man who is suffering from it.)  I’d also like to think that a year from now I’ll totally have the stamina to try snowshoeing with my husband.  He likes to do it & it would be so awesome to take our dogs out some sunny winter day & hit the trails at one of our many fantastic state parks.  Plus I’d be able to take more pictures & spend time with Abe which is always a 1st choice for me.

I also want to be able to keep up with all the nieces & nephews I have.  They are a crazy active bunch & getting bigger each day.  I don’t want to miss a moment of the fun they have.

Right now my resolve is strong.  I really do want to have the strength to do more stuff.  The weight loss is an added bonus & hopefully I will be able to stick with this for the long haul…(I’m making Abe join me in this endeavor if for no other reason than to make him ache when I do.)  I’m sure I’ll struggle with this but my prayer is that it won’t be too much….