The other night Magnus was sleeping early so Abe & I were snuggling; enjoying the quiet time together.  After a few minutes of silence I asked what he was thinking about.  “Nothing much, just you”, he replied.  I laughed; it figures that is the answer I would get.  Abe isn’t big on sharing what goes on inside his head.  Many times I feel like some sort of mind-reading machine trying to figure out what’s up with him.

After a few more minutes Abe asked what I was thinking about.  “I’m a girl; there are hundreds of thoughts floating around in my brain.  In fact, I really wish I could just shut it off for awhile”, I turned to look at him, “You really don’t want to hear all the stuff that’s floating around up there”.  We bantered back and forth for a bit about it.  Abe kept insisting he wanted to know what I was thinking; I kept telling him that letting that loose would ruin our quiet mood.  Finally to end the discussion I started listing things that were popping up as thoughts.  (I have heard the brain described as an intricate filing system.  Men can have 2 maybe 3 drawers open at a time; any more & their filing cabinet tips over making a mess.  Women can have dozens of drawers open at one time & quickly flip between them.  Not only that but women can leave drawers partially open while men shut each drawer firmly.) Here in no particular order are some of the thoughts that I expressed last night….

I’m wondering about moving again, how we will manage the actual move, the logistics of packing with an additional person in the family, how we will manage to clear snow this winter since we don’t have a snow blower & it’s a much larger area than Abe can realistically shovel, how I’m going to furnish/decorate the new house, how Magnus will like the new house, how the dogs will like the new house, that I need the psychologist to call me back so I can make an appointment to discuss taking different meds for my depression, my depression doesn’t seem to be helped by my current meds so what difference does it make if I take them, I need to do my laundry, what to make for my family reunion on Saturday, will the weather be decent on Saturday, how will Magnus deal with traveling that far, will Magnus be in a good frame of mind, what should I wear to the reunion, I hate my hair–I wish it looked nicer, I feel defectivebrokendented, will I ever feel like “myself” again, I need to start back on my WiiFit, I don’t have the motivation to start back on the WiiFit, I need a job, I need to be able to stay home & take care of Magnus, I wish I could get paid to write, how can I get paid to write when I can’t even manage to update my blog on a semi-regular basis….

You get the idea anyway.  As I was listing off things that I was thinking about more & more popped into my head.  It was a bit like that scene in “Ghostbusters” where the poltergeist makes all the cards fly out of the card catalogue.  I told Abe that I felt like my brain was full of posty notes randomly stuck all without any discernible pattern.  He laughed as I went on a spiel about how with all those posty notes stuck everywhere it was no wonder my brain wasn’t working right & that I was forgetting things…new posties keep getting stuck on top of old ones.

That’s some of what I’m thinking about…what are YOU thinking about?

We are staying at my parents’ house for the rest of the week/weekend as we attempt to find housing for the big move which is coming up fast.  So far we’ve had lots of great prospects but unfortunately there seems to be something odd or not workable each time we get close….but that’s a whole other “Dr. Phil”.

Last night while making pancakes for supper (with fresh blueberries….. *drools*) we needed more butter.  Mom got some out & put it in the microwave to soften it.  She placed it next to me as I dropped 2 piping hot pancakes onto my plate (everybody else had already had their first round).  I grabbed the knife & proceeded to find that the butter was NOT soft….  ”Well it’s not frozen any more”, Mom retorted to my observation.  ”You know how I feel about butter on my pancakes.”  With the long suffering sigh only a mother possesses, “Yes I know….”  Growing up Mom always made the best pancakes (she still does) and would always spread just the right amount of butter on each one, letting it melt into the golden brown before adding the syrup.  They were always light & fluffy, melting sweetly on your tongue.  It was the best thing in the world to wake up to the smell of the griddle heating for pancakes.  Sometimes we’d get pancakes with faces or ones that looked like Mickey Mouse.

Here’s the story of me & my pancakes….

When I was in kindergarten we had Cowboy Day.  Everybody dressed up like a cowboy or cowgirl & we had flapjacks.  I was so excited for Cowboy Day…Mom even made me a special outfit to wear with my boots (I think I even took a six shooter cap gun…..my how times have changed.  Nowadays a kid taking a cap gun to school would surely be arrested & placed on a terrorist watch list) & of course I had a red handkerchief too.  It was all fun & games til it came time to eat.  One of the mothers who was helping gave me my flapjacks….with a big blob of butter in the center (all cold & unmelty) and promptly doused it in an overly large amount of cold syrup.  I was aghast!  Never had I witnessed such an atrocity….so I did what any 6 year old would do…pitched the mother of all hissy fits.  I was adamant that I would not eat a lukewarm flapjack with a cold butter blob & enough syrup in which to bathe.  There was no admonition, no threat, no “There are starving kids in Africa” speech that would move me….I wasn’t going to eat that flapjack.

I don’t remember what happened after that…it’s possible that I just went without & if so I would have done it with a sense of deep satisfaction at getting my way.  I do know that upon my return home that day Mom asked how my day had gone.  Bursting into tears I recounted my tale of woe & flapjacks improperly prepared.  No doubt Mom comforted me & reassured me that it was indeed okay to not eat the flapjacks.  I am equally sure that I was told to be more polite about not wanting to eat something.

To this day I have a difficult time ordering pancakes in a restaurant because often times they come in a haphazard pile (pancakes should be neatly stacked) with a giant blob of butter in the center.  At least they provide me the option of adding the syrup on my own.

Last weekend when I had my head in the oven (no it was not a Sylvia Plath moment) at my brother-in-law’s house I was struck with the overwhelming memory of me as a very young girl in another kitchen.

I have such vivid memories of the first house I really lived in (the first house I lived in was for such little time I don’t even count it) that it still seems like “home” to me although I haven’t lived there in over 20 years.  I remember the hot pink shag carpet in my bedroom, the Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy lamp (which I still have somewhere), the way we could race from room to room in a big circle, Dad’s brown recliner, the gold couch & the pea soup green carpet.

We had blonde wood cabinets with large copper-looking knobs.  When I was very little I would sit on the top shelf of one of the lower cupboards and play in there.  I’d pull all the pots & pans out, banging away like a rock n roll drummer.  I also liked to have Mom shut the doors & just curl up inside.  Another thing I remember very well is the oven.  We had a built in oven in that house…a sort of reddish-brown color that sat on the far side of the kitchen from where you normally entered, right next to the doorway for the back living room.

Since Mom always cooked & baked a lot it was inevitable that the oven would need to be cleaned.  One day in particular I was watching Mom clean the oven…since it was not self-cleaning she was using an oven-cleaning spray & a lot of scrubbing.  I was underfoot observing all the scrubbing & gross black gunk being removed…not being a fan of icky things I voiced how much I disliked the process.

“Mom, that’s gross”, I said in my little voice, “when I grow up & have an oven of my own you’re going to have to come visit & clean my oven for me.”

Sadly Mom doesn’t come clean my oven but luckily I can turn it on & let it self-clean….

I have to tell this story & I apologize to the other person involved–you know I love you girl but this is too funny not to share.

Lately with all the depression & think-y time I’ve had memories have been washing over me–some of them have been like a storm-tossed wave from the depths of Lake Superior.  Others have felt like warm gentle waves kissing my toes on a beach in paradise.  The following story falls somewhere in between….but it makes me laugh & that has been in short supply so I’m going to recount it.

Back in my singleton days, when I was wild & crazy living in the Cities, I spent a lot of time with my best friend from college.  The two of us were inseparable in a lot of ways.  My 23rd birthday was our intro to the world of partying.  For the two of us that involved drinking & *gasp* cigarettes.  We had our share of rowdy nights & days wandering around Uptown & Downtown Minneapolis.  With cigarettes I have the odd ability to smoke them or not.  Never got hooked on them & I count myself very fortunate for that.

My friend was a different story.  One day as we were standing waiting for a bus in Uptown I mentioned that I thought she was smoking an awful lot.  In true Roar fashion she looked at me and stated, “I can smoke as many as I want”.  This stunned me & I asked why she thought that.  ”Look”, she brandished her brand new pack at me, “they are non-addictive”.

To this day there aren’t words for the initial shock I felt upon hearing those words.  My mouth agape & tears pouring down my face from laughing, it took me at least 3 minutes to answer the now frantic Roar, “What….WHAT….WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT”!  I finally managed to grab the back & slowly point out the word on that pack of American Spirits (yellow pack)~~ Non-additive….

That’s right, my dear friend (who is a very intelligent woman) had mistaken these “natural” cigarettes as non-habit forming…needless to say she was shocked & as concerned as I when she realized the extent her non-addictive habit had reached.  I am happy to say that we are both smoke-free these days — older, wiser & able to laugh still at those wild & crazy days roaming the city together.

So I haven’t written much lately except for all my crazy that keeps pouring out like Niagra Falls….hmm I want to visit Niagra Falls.  Anyway it’s been a busy 4 days…company, day trips, video games, bad weather, attacking gallbladders etc.  I do have some writing I want to do about some of that…and I have some great (ok I think they’re great) photos.  In the meantime here’s a little something that’s been making the rounds on Facebook & I’m lazy enough to copy mine here.  This may be redundant for some of you who see me there but suck it up…I’ll have something fresh & if not exciting at least grimace-worthy for you soon.  Oh & it would be so lovely if all my faithful readers would post a little bitty comment or two!!

Start: 10:30 am

1. What time did you get up this morning?
The 1st time? 6:45am For good– 9:45am

2. How do you like your steak?
Used to be well done…now more of a medium but I want to know it’s dead.

3. What was the last movie you saw at the cinema?
“Harry Potter–1/2 Blood Prince”

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Nothing right now–we don’t have any channels but love watching Arrested Development on DVD.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Exactly that–the world. I’d like to be a nomad for a bit with a home base in Italy. But I do love where I live right now.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Waiting for it right now– eggs & stuff with a vanilla latte.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Mexican & Italian

8. What foods do you dislike?
A few things but I will try most anything once unless it’s like insects & stuff.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
anywhere there’s a group of friends & family having a good time.

10. Favorite dressing?
If I can get fresh homemade Ranch dressing (packet of mix, mayo and milk) I am in heaven–but I like most anything.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
1993 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo

12. What are your favorite clothes?
A pair of jeans that fit just right & any shirt that looks good to me…since my bathrobe is acceptable in public.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Ummm….all of the US, Norway, Sweden, England, Ireland, Italy, St. Petersburg Russia, Greece, Australia….well you get the idea.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
1/2 empty with a slow leak…but I’m trying to change that.

15. Where would you want to retire?
Where ever I am happy & can enjoy life with Abe.

16. Favorite time of day?
right at nightfall when the world quiets down from the day & the stars start to come out.

17. Where were you born?
Ivanhoe, MN — Divine Providence Hospital

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Meh, I’ll watch anything but golf & bowling for a little bit but it’s a guarantee I’m also reading a book. Unless we’re actually at the game.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
Doesn’t really matter

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Doesn’t really matter

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
I’m curious about everybody & everything…

22. Bird watcher?
Not so much unless they are flocking in my back yard. I do love to go to Hawks’ Ridge in Duluth, MN during the fall & watch the eagles soar by in migration.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
A night person…so completely opposite of Abe who likes to be in bed by 10. A lot of times I’m just getting going again. It really isn’t fun sometimes ‘cuz we end up on almost opposite schedules.

24. Do you have any pets?
WOOF x 3–Ranger, Arwen & Snoopy (Abe has a cat Chloe but she lives at his dad’s)

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
Nah…if I had any news it’d be broadcast on all channels.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
I don’t know…I should ask my mom.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
There are so many…one in particular is riding the snowmobile seat down the stairs in our old house in Lake Benton. The 4 of us (at the time) would sit in a line & ride it down the staircase over & over.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Dog but I’m getting to like cats too.

29. Are you married?
yepper

30. Always wear your seat belt?
No…but I should

31. Been in a car accident? Nothing but a little fender bender at a stop light.

32. Any pet peeves?
Oh so many….bad grammar, poor spelling, being ignorant on purpose….oh let’s not finish this list it’s longer than “War & Peace”

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Sausage w/onions & EXTRA cheese (and ranch for dipping please)

34. Favorite flower?
Absolute fave of all time–pansies because they remind me of Grandpa J. He used to pick them for me. Also: lilacs, delphiniums, roses, peonies, lilies, gardenias, hibiscus……

35. Favorite ice cream?
Chocolate in all it’s glorious permutations.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Chipotle

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
Zero

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Umm which email address??? I have like 6. But I’d have to say Megan

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Unlimited super secret ultra celeb credit card? Tiffany’s (a la Audrey Hepburn in the movie) A plain old normal credit card–someplace with shoes & purses.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I want to be spontaneous but I’ll need at least a week’s warning & an outline of what we’ll be doing.

41. Like your job?
Meh, it’s ok. It’s not challenging which is bad for me but it’s a decent job & I’m thankful for it.

42. Broccoli?
No thanks.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
The week Abe & I spent in the Black Hills in SD.
As a single lady– 9 days in New Orleans for Mardi Gras!

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Abe, Greg, Pete, Becky, Alec & Eli– Old Chicago

45. What are you listening to right now?
the hum of conversation in the restaurant.

46. What is your favorite color?
blue—every shade of blue but also pinks, reds (blue based), greens

47. How many tattoos do you have?
two but I want more…I have a design in mind for the next one & want Abe to design one for me too.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Not sure but you can bet it’ll be an even number!

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
11:29am

50. Coffee Drinker? Since I was a year old…love me some coffee.

I was out to lunch on Thursday when I suddenly became self-conscious about how I was eating my french fries.  Now I don’t usually pay attention to my process but for some reason it struck me at this time.  I laugh & joke about it on here but I do have some strange OCD (CDO for all those of you with the same problem) type behaviours.

One thing that I must do is have an even number of things.  Odd numbers make me down right uncomfortable…I will do a lot of strange things to avoid odd numbers. When I’m eating something like french fries I will sort them according to size, match them into pairs & proceed to eat them two by two (taking an even number of bites). If there is an odd number they go to Hubby.  When cooking at home I always make an even number of items.  I will count out the number of french fries or anything else that is baked.  Then I must make sure that each of us gets an equal number–never 22 of anything either…must be 20 or 24 because then we get an even number apiece. I count all kinds of things and will do my best to find a way to make things come out even. I don’t like when I’m writing a blog post & the number of words is uneven.  Many times I will go back & rework parts to make the word count come out evenly. (Feel free to count…it’s not a hard & fast rule with words as I want my writing to show through & not the crazy).

Another of my twitches is that I have to have ink to match my mood and/or clothes when writing at work.  Yep, I’ve got pens in every color imaginable…and there must be 2 matching colors, lined up parallel to each other & perpendicular to the keyboard.  It feeds into my love of office supplies…fresh clean paper, all square & unspoiled is my favorite.

Of course there’s my M&Ms ritual too.  I do like M&Ms…especially the peanut ones. (Not peanut butter…ick).  When I do indulge in M&Ms I open the package, pour the contents out & begin organizing.  First comes the colors: brown, orange, yellow, red, blue & green.  Then I pair them up…two by two.  If I have odd numbers of colors they can be combined in the following manner: brown w/orange, orange w/yellow, red w/blue but nothing goes with green.  Green must always be last (they are the best…and no matter what argument you use I’ll remain convinced that green M&Ms taste different & better!).  If by some horrible twist of fate (like the universe hates me) and there are an odd number of green M&Ms then I must save the odd one, purchase more & do my best to make it even out.  This does get challenging at times…I hate when there are no green ones in a package.

There’s also the no stepping on cracks in sidewalks etc (cobblestones get tricky but I can manage if I sing a song of some kind in my head); counting my steps if I’m walking a long way; counting stairs; and we won’t even talk about the grammar & spelling issues I have. (And yes feel free to screw with me in the comments…*looking pointedly at certain people* I will do my best to ignore them for a time or I will just correct them outright).  As I continue to write here you will notice I mention all my crazy on a regular basis….feel free to point & laugh.

I have been struggling with the 25 things meme that has been racing around the internet lately.  At first it was that I couldn’t think of 25, then that nothing I could think of was interesting.  However the more I’ve thought about it the more attractive the idea became.  Why?  Not necessarily so that you  my dear readers would know me better but so that I may know myself.  Here are my “25 things”

1. I became a born-again Christian at age 5 after reading a scary Halloween tract behind my dad’s recliner.

2. Reading is my favorite thing in all the world.

3. Photography is something I enjoy.

4. I am the oldest of 8.  My youngest sibling is 13.

5. My husband & I met in a Yahoo! chat room.

6. I can’t really ride a bike.

7. I am terrified of water & high bridges.  My worst fear is being involved in a 35W bridge type collapse.

8. My husband is the most wonderful man…he is so patient & understanding.  I do not always deserve him. My husband is a constant source of strength…he amazes me daily.

9. My mom is my best girl friend.  We talk nearly every day….sometimes more than once.

10. I have a weird obsession with even numbers.

11. I’ve never had any filings.

12. I seem to be outgoing….I’m covering up for the fact I’m afraid people won’t/don’t like me.

13. I am a terrible housekeeper.

14. Someday I’d like to own a horse, a sailboat & a motorcycle.

15. I cry at everything.  Happy, sad, angry = tears

16. Spelling errors & bad grammar truly bother me.  I don’t expect perfection but at least try.

17. I’ve always wanted to be a mom….I pray someday I will be.

18. I have trouble controlling my temper.

19. Laughing is one of my favorite things.

20. My 1st memory is of my mom crying because she dislocated her thumb.  I was 6 months old.

21. I grew up on a farm.

22. I love music..any kind.

23. Dancing is fun.  I used to think I was good…then I  saw my siblings dance….I’m not that good.

24.  I have some strange OCD things that I work very hard to hide most of the time.  Please don’t make me eat M&Ms in front of people.  It’s embarrassing for me & makes others want to lock me up.  If if must eat them please  only give them to me in even numbers.

25. My dream has always been to be a writer.  I love to tell stories I’m just not sure how to start a book.

I spent Christmas with my family. All of us were there & it was a blast! There is never a dull moment when the whole clan is together. After all the excitement of Christmas died down Hubby & I spent a couple extra days with my parents. I have a great relationship with my mom & consider her my best friend next to my husband.

Now I’ve become something of a Twitter junkie in the last few months. I love to follow people from all over & listen in on what’s going on with them. I have some followers myself & enjoy that but I’m a people watcher by nature so following is more fun for me. I was explaining Twitter to my mom when the following event occurred.

Me: So the I send Tweets to update what I’m doing.
Mom: Okay, so you just keeping updating that all the time?
Me: Yes, I tweet all sorts of randomness. I have twe…twit…tw@*ed…. Umm not the word I meant to use… *embarrassed laughter*
Mom: I’m just going to ignore that & pretend you didn’t just use that word.
Me: Okay I’m gonna pretend that too.

Of course if I hadn’ been trying to be all grammatically correct in my conjugation of the verb “to tweet” maybe I would have avoided that little faux pas…then again probably not.

So I’ve been debating whether or not to take a stab at blogging for a while now.  I have ideas & random thoughts to get out all the time.  The question is does anybody else care.  That remains to be seen….  However, rather than explain what my blog will be like I’m going to jump right in.

Wednesday night my husband & I were having dinner with his brother & wife.  Their 2 year old was running around and noticed a cut on the 2nd knuckle of my right hand.  He said “Owwie” and I replied with “Yes, Aunt Becci has ‘fight bite’ wanna see”?  My sister-in-law laughed and asked what happened.  “I don’t, somehow I took a chunk out of my nipple….I mean knuckle,” I awkwardly replied.  Of course we both started laughing because “fight bite” on a nipple is a whole different category of fighting.  Not to mention the weird & wildly inappropriate nature of revealing such an injury to my 2 year old nephew in the company of my husband, his dad, his brother & wife and a friend of theirs.

So that’s my first blog.  I’m sure the coming days will reveal more about me than I may intend but that’s what this is all about for me.  Revealing myself so I can take a closer look at who I am.  Oh and entertainment for my readers of course.