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<channel>
	<title>Something Creative &#187; 2010</title>
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	<link>http://nil17.com</link>
	<description>Ruminations on my life...</description>
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		<title>Into the West: A Year of Change</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2011/01/into-the-west-a-year-of-change/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2011/01/into-the-west-a-year-of-change/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 03 Jan 2011 23:52:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Baby Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[I should be in therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Memories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Miscellaneous]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[daily life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[retrospective]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1587</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Since it is de riguer to do a retrospective post I could hardly swim against the current (I don&#8217;t swim with the current either&#8230;I prefer the beach) so here&#8217;s my recap.</p> <p>The year of 2010 was one of huge changes for me. &#160;First we moved from our home near Duluth, MN to a town near [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[	<p><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->Since it is de riguer to do a retrospective post I could hardly swim against the current (I don&#8217;t swim with the current either&#8230;I prefer the beach) so here&#8217;s my recap.</p>

	<p>The year of 2010 was one of huge changes for me. &#160;First we moved from our home near Duluth, MN to a town near Sioux Falls, SD so that Abe could find work. &#160;We sorely miss our life in the north woods of Minnesota. &#160;Not just the places but the friends & family we don&#8217;t get to see nearly often enough. &#160;Our nephews have grown so much in the last 12 months. &#160;This was the first year we missed any of the major events in their lives & wow did we miss a ton! &#160;The oldest one went off to kindergarten this past fall & the younger nephew is full of all kinds of antics.</p>

	<p>The biggest change of course was becoming a mom. So far it is the most difficult thing I think I will ever do. He is a pretty good baby but I&#8217;m looking forward to the first teeth (eyeteeth for my child&#8230;of course, why go for something easier?) to finally break through. Magnus is an active little guy. He loves his exersaucer & can really get to bouncing & spinning around in it. &#160;He can sit up alone but doesn&#8217;t like too because it limits his ability to move around. &#160;Magnus much prefers to lie down so he can roll around and inch-worm his way into mischief. &#160;The dogs are interested in him but Magnus is positively enthralled by them; reaching to latch onto whichever one might be closest. &#160;It&#8217;s been an adjustment to have another person to feed & clothe but so much fun to nibble little toes & kiss the soft downy head as he falls asleep in my arms.</p>

	<p>We moved a second time in 2010&#8212;this one was a much smaller move from one small town in the Sioux Falls area to a beautiful farm house in the country but much closer to shopping. &#160;I love being back out in the country & not having neighbors be right on top of us. &#160;Plus we get a beautiful view all around which is just the thing for cold winter days. &#160;Magnus adores lying on our bed & watching the wind whip the weeping willow tree.</p>

	<p>Sadly we missed out on a lot of our traditions for the various holidays. &#160;We didn&#8217;t get to go shopping for Halloween costumes with our nephews for the first time. &#160;We also missed their birthday parties, hiking/trips up the North Shore, getting snowed in on New Year&#8217;s Eve and mostly we missed all the random times we simply decided to make the drive to Cloquet just to see what was going on.</p>

	<p>I am hoping for a fairly quiet 2011. &#160;Time spent with family & friends&#8230;watching Magnus grow and explore&#8230;hopefully finding my depression ease a bit&#8230;maybe continuing to write.<div class="shr-publisher-1587"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2011%2F01%2Finto-the-west-a-year-of-change%2F' data-shr_title='Into+the+West%3A+A+Year+of+Change'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2011%2F01%2Finto-the-west-a-year-of-change%2F' data-shr_title='Into+the+West%3A+A+Year+of+Change'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2011%2F01%2Finto-the-west-a-year-of-change%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --></p>
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		<title>Carnaval Birthday</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/12/birthday-carnaval/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/12/birthday-carnaval/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Dec 2010 18:51:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Out & About]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[birthdays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[food]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reviews]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[special events]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1569</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Friday was my 35th birthday.  I was not excited about the big day&#8212;okay that&#8217;s an understatement&#8230;I was prepared to avoid the day.  Not because of the age I am&#8212;I like the idea of 35 &#38; I feel like I&#8217;m growing into it with more grace than I thought I possessed.  Anyway, I ended up having [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->Friday was my 35th birthday.  I was not excited about the big day&#8212;okay that&#8217;s an understatement&#8230;I was prepared to avoid the day.  Not because of the age I am&#8212;I like the idea of 35 &amp; I feel like I&#8217;m growing into it with more grace than I thought I possessed.  Anyway, I ended up having one of the best birthdays in recent memory.<br />
<br />
My morning was low-key &amp; filled with many birthday calls &amp; messages.  After a truly fun phone conversation with a friend I spent the afternoon playing with Magnus &amp; then made a quick trip to Starbucks to meet my sister-in-law Jilli for coffee.  Then home where we got ready to go out for dinner.  Abe had gotten a gift card to a local restaurant &amp; he saved it so we could have a night out on my birthday.  As we were getting ready I sat down to nurse Magnus before we left when the dogs went nuts, barking &amp; running around.  I checked the front door to find my brother D standing on my front porch.  He and his family had stopped by as a birthday surprise.  Since we had reservations we invited D &amp; Z along.<br />
<br />
Our reservations were for <a href="http://carnavalbraziliangrill.com/">Carnaval Brazilian Grill</a>.  This Brazilian steakhouse is a unique dining experience from the design of the building to the menu.  We had heard some good things about the food &amp; were excited to try something new.<br />
<br />
The restaurant is spacious &amp; the lighting is perfect for a quiet dinner for two (or more). Dining in the round is great for people watching as you can easily see more of the other patrons without having to be too obvious.  This is especially true if you are lucky enough to reserve a booth along the wall.  There is a small stage at one end of the main dining room where we were lucky enough to catch an acoustic guitar player that night.<br />
<br />
We were seated &amp; the very friendly staff helped us get situated with seats for the babies &amp; menus.  Our waiter was quick to get water for everyone &amp; answered questions about wine.  When he didn&#8217;t know something I asked he not only didn&#8217;t try to fake his way through but he went to find the answer.  We didn&#8217;t spend much time perusing the <a href="http://carnavalbraziliangrill.com/menus">menu</a> as our objective was to partake of their signature specialty dishes.<br />
<blockquote>Our Signature “Gaucho Meal” includes unlimited trips to the salad bar (hot &amp; cold), and “Pao de Queijo” (CBG version of parmesan cheese bread stuffed with ground picanha) brought to you table-side. The selection of Churrasco roasted meats are served to you table-side straight from the churrasqueira skewer by our “Gauchos”; turn your wheel to red to signal you are finished or just taking a break, turn it to green to start again! (Coconut fried bananas are available by request and are prepared at the time of your order).</blockquote><br />
The <a href="http://carnavalbraziliangrill.com/menus">menu</a> has three versions of the Rodizio meal.  They all include a great selection of top sirloin, parmesan chicken breast, flank steak &amp; bacon-wrapped filet.  This also includes truly delectable grilled pineapple with cinnamon.  It was one of the best things I&#8217;ve ever eaten. It was a fantastic meal&#8212;the meat was all done to perfection, the salad bar was extensive with a variety of salad greens and other cold salads.  The hot bar had a smaller selection but it was as well prepared as everything else.<br />
<br />
Since it was my birthday I was given the choice of one of the superb looking desserts from the cart.  I chose the fresh papaya ice cream.  The staff gathered around our table &amp; sang Happy Birthday in Portuguese and I blew out my candle that was on my ice cream.  The ice cream was served in a martini glass &amp; had a light drizzle of vanilla liqueur.  After the steak, pork loin &amp; chicken this was a light, refreshing conclusion to the meal.<br />
<br />
We have talked about our night out with the whole family &amp; have intentions to treat ourselves there again.  Especially when we have friends/family visiting.<div class="shr-publisher-1569"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-carnaval%2F' data-shr_title='Carnaval+Birthday'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-carnaval%2F' data-shr_title='Carnaval+Birthday'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-carnaval%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Birthday Guilt</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/12/birthday-guilt/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/12/birthday-guilt/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 Dec 2010 15:39:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[I AM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Musings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[birthdays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[myself]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[observations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[random thoughts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[special events]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1561</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve been trying to avoid today. &#160;See today is my birthday &#038; I&#8217;ve never been a big fan of it. &#160;I realize that sounds crazy but seriously&#8230;have you met me? (Okay, you probably haven&#8217;t since this is the interwebz but the point remains the same.) &#160;In thinking about today I&#8217;ve had some odd realizations regarding [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[	<p><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->I&#8217;ve been trying to avoid today. &#160;See today is my birthday & I&#8217;ve never been a big fan of it. &#160;I realize that sounds crazy but seriously&#8230;have you met me? (Okay, you probably haven&#8217;t since this is the interwebz but the point remains the same.) &#160;In thinking about today I&#8217;ve had some odd realizations regarding why I feel the way I do about my birthday.</p>

	<p>First I should say that I adore celebrating other people&#8217;s birthdays. &#160;The excitement of finding the perfect card/gift, thinking of ways to make them feel special, surprising them if possible (though never making them think they&#8217;ve been forgotten), good food, laughter&#8230;the whole schmear. &#160;I love it (plus if I&#8217;m lucky I get to &#160;help organize it. Organizing something like that gives me warm fuzzies) & the look of joy on the recipient&#8217;s face makes it worthwhile.</p>

	<p>I, on the other hand, am not a fan of the surprise. &#160;I like to know what&#8217;s coming. &#160;Add to that a birthday a week before Christmas & being the oldest of 8 and there you have it&#8230;my dislike of that day when I was born.</p>

	<p>Of course all those are surface reasons. &#160;Over the last several days I&#8217;ve had an epiphany of sorts. &#160;I feel guilty about my birthday. &#160;Now I realize that just seems ridiculous but let me dive into the whys & wherefores.</p>

	<p>One reason I think I feel guilty about it is that Christmas is a week later. &#160;I feel uncomfortable asking people to spend time celebrating when there is a major holiday looming. &#160;It is such a busy time of year with the holiday parties, gift shopping et cetera. &#160;Plus traditionally there are gifts involved in birthday celebrations. &#160;Being so close to Christmas I feel selfish wanting gifts for both occasions. &#160;On the other hand I also feel slighted when I receive a combo gift (birthday/Christmas) because the two days are separate. &#160;I can&#8217;t imagine how someone whose birthday is actually on a major holiday deals with it.</p>

	<p>Another reason I feel guilty about my birthday is because I am the oldest of 8 kids. &#160;Growing up we didn&#8217;t have a lot of extras though my folks were fantastic about making birthdays, Christmases et cetera special days. &#160;Mom always made our favorite meal & dessert. &#160;Gifts may not always have been extravagant but they were always well thought out & special. &#160;However, I felt like I was asking for more than I really should. &#160;I knew that there were gifts to be purchased for the family since Christmas was right around the corner. &#160;What right did I have to ask for something that I wanted as a birthday gift.</p>

	<p>That feeling carries on today. &#160;I don&#8217;t want to ask for anything for my birthday&#8230;I feel selfish & greedy. &#160;I don&#8217;t like to ask people to celebrate with me. &#160;Asking makes me feel like I&#8217;m begging for the attention&#8230;That if I have to ask people will respond out of obligation rather than the true desire to be with me. &#160;I always hope that someone (or several someones) will ask me if there is anything I want to do for my birthday. &#160;Of course I can&#8217;t help but build up my expectations in my head. &#160;Every year I tell myself that I won&#8217;t create any expectations for my birthday; that way I won&#8217;t be disappointed but instead happily excited by what the day brings. &#160;Every year I fail&#8230;I can&#8217;t help hoping that something fabulous will happen. &#160;A dinner party, family & friends gathered around for cake (or cheesecake preferably), lots of fun & laughter. &#160;Small tokens of their esteem tied up with brightly colored bows in a cluster in the center of the table. &#160;Then home with Abe for some time just for us.</p>

	<p>I woke up this morning & the feeling of anticipation weighed heavily in my stomach&#8230;waiting to see what today will bring. &#160;The sun is shining so far &&#160;we shall see what this year brings. &#160;I have a date with Abe for 7:30 tonight. &#160;Now if only I had pants that fit&#8230;.<div class="shr-publisher-1561"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-guilt%2F' data-shr_title='Birthday+Guilt'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-guilt%2F' data-shr_title='Birthday+Guilt'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F12%2Fbirthday-guilt%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --></p>
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		<title>Thanksgiving Leftovers</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 05 Dec 2010 03:13:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Baby Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Out & About]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[special events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thanksgiving]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[travel]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1532</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Well it is the first weekend in December &#38; there is just a touch of snow on the ground here.  The fields are still pretty bare though there are a couple inches of the white stuff in the yard.  It has been cold here but we haven&#8217;t gotten the snows storms yet.  I&#8217;m sure that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->Well it is the first weekend in December &amp; there is just a touch of snow on the ground here.  The fields are still pretty bare though there are a couple inches of the white stuff in the yard.  It has been cold here but we haven&#8217;t gotten the snows storms yet.  I&#8217;m sure that will change with the coming of 2011&#8230;after all January &amp; February can be fierce here on the prairie.</p>
<p>Thanksgiving was our first official holiday with Magnus.  We traveled almost every day from Wednesday to Sunday.  On Wednesday we drove to the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area (the Cities as they are known around here).  We spent the night &amp; Thanksgiving morning with Abe&#8217;s aunt &amp; uncle.  It was fantastic to see them &amp; Magnus was his charming self.</p>
<p><div id="attachment_1536" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1536" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-25_00001/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1536" title="2010-11-25_00001" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-25_00001-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Magnus &amp; Great Aunt ML</p></div></p>
<p>Thanksgiving day we left the Cities &amp; headed for Cloquet to see Aunt SA &amp; other family.  Magnus spent his first Thanksgiving (which was also his 5 month mark) riding in his car seat.  He was rather non-plussed with the situation at times but overall was very good.  He got to visit Uncle at the fire station &amp; even got to sit in the heavy rescue truck.  Then we drove over to Aunt SA&#8217;s house &amp; introduced Magnus.  It was SO good to see her &amp; Magnus gave some excellent snuggles.  In the evening it was back in the car &amp; off to Grandma &amp; Grandpa Erickson&#8217;s house.  This was Magnus&#8217; first time meeting them &amp; there were many snuggles &amp; giggles.</p>
<p><div id="attachment_1537" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1537" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-25_00002/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1537" title="2010-11-25_00002" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-25_00002-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Sitting on the front of the ladder truck with Dad</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1538" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1538" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-25_00003/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1538" title="2010-11-25_00003" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-25_00003-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Where&#39;s the keys for the heavy rescue truck?</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1539" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1539" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-25_00004/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1539" title="2010-11-25_00004" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-25_00004-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Snuggling with Grandpa Bob</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1540" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1540" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-25_00005/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1540" title="2010-11-25_00005" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-25_00005-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Cuddles with Grandma Trudy</p></div></p>
<p>Friday morning we took a quick trip to Minnestalgia Winery where we said hello to our friends &amp; again showed off our sweetie baby.  Magnus had no issue being held by all these new people &amp; he kept his pleasant disposition in spite of having a very nasty cold.  Then Friday afternoon evening was spent with the Erickson aunts, uncles &amp; cousins.  There was lots of food (all very tasty), wine &amp; of course everybody chatting.  We had originally planned on traveling back to the Cities on Friday night to stay with Abe&#8217;s mom but due to both of my guys having such bad colds I made the Mommy/Wifey decision to stay put for one night so they could get some extra rest.</p>
<p><div id="attachment_1541" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1541" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-26_00006/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1541" title="2010-11-26_00006" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-26_00006-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Talking &amp; laughing with Aunt SA</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1542" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1542" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-26_00007/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1542" title="2010-11-26_00007" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-26_00007-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">The cousins: A (5), E (2) &amp; Magnus (5 months)</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1543" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1543" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-26_00008/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1543" title="2010-11-26_00008" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-26_00008-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">A serious discussion with cousin A</p></div></p>
<p><div id="attachment_1544" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 310px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1544" href="http://nil17.com/2010/12/thanksgiving-leftovers/2010-11-26_00009/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1544" title="2010-11-26_00009" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/2010-11-26_00009-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">Thanksgiving Pimp</p></div></p>
<p>Saturday we were up at the crack of dawn (okay it was still pretty dark&#8230;I was up before the sun which is rare) to pack the Jeep &amp; get ready to head south again.  We got to Grandma &amp; Grandpa Wolf&#8217;s about noon (Grandpa Bob wouldn&#8217;t let us leave without having some of his tasty pancakes first).  After a quick lunch Abe went to work (he had a few little pieces of trim to put on in the living room) while Magnus &amp; I napped.  I won&#8217;t talk about Saturday evening other than to say from there on my weekend went to hell on a greased pole.  Even thinking about it now sets my blood to boiling&#8230;it doesn&#8217;t help that the offending persons don&#8217;t seem to care.  Needless to say I was ready to head home but first we had to get through Sunday.</p>
<p>In the morning Abe &amp; I went to Wolf&#8217;s church for a pancake breakfast.  We left Magnus at the house&#8230;.this was a HUGE deal for me.  Fortunately we were only gone about 30 minutes.  I was relieved to see that the house wasn&#8217;t burned down or anything like that.  We had a wonderfully prepared lunch in celebration of Abe&#8217;s 35th birthday (which was Monday the 29th) &amp; shortly thereafter we packed up &amp; headed for home.</p>
<p>Overall it was so amazing to see family &amp; introduce Magnus around.  We miss the northlanders &amp; seeing them as often as we did.  I have many pictures of Magnus with them so he will be able to see how much fun we all had.
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		<title>Gratitude for Simple Things</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/11/gratitude-for-simple-things/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/11/gratitude-for-simple-things/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 15 Nov 2010 20:23:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[I AM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Musings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[daily life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[joy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[simple things]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1518</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It is the middle of November here &#38; the sun is shining down on a chilly yet green world.  Not all green, there are shades of yellow, brown &#38; red yet.  There is no snow yet which is wonderfulamazingglorious! I want to share a few things that I&#8217;m grateful for today.  Nothing special or exciting [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->It is the middle of November here &amp; the sun is shining down on a chilly yet green world.  Not all green, there are shades of yellow, brown &amp; red yet.  There is no snow yet which is wonderfulamazingglorious! I want to share a few things that I&#8217;m grateful for today.  Nothing special or exciting except that I&#8217;m reveling in the simplicity.

I&#8217;m grateful for a cup of coffee w/cream.  I try not to ingest too much caffeine since I&#8217;m nursing but a cup of coffee wrapped in my hand on these chilled mornings is comforting.  Usually I combine my coffee with a bagel &amp; a few minutes of quiet time catching up on blogs or other reading.

The first smile of the day from Magnus.  There is nothing quite like when he opens those big blue eyes &amp; smiles at me; sleep still lingers in his eyes yet he is so excited to see me.  Seeing that much love from someone is overwhelming.

Feeling the bounce in my step as I hurry up &amp; down stairs during the day.  My ponytail bounces against the nape of my neck &amp; the balls of my feet strike each stair with purpose. Not only do I enjoy that but I know all the stairs are good for my legs/hips/thighs/butt.

I&#8217;m also trying to take joy &amp; pleasure in doing the housework.  I&#8217;m bad at doing it but with this move have tried to work extra hard to do little things about the house.  Rather than having to do massive cleaning once in awhile I am trying to pick up the flotsam &amp; jetsam that accumulates every day.

The moment in our day when Abe comes home &amp; Magnus recognizes his dad with a smile &amp; jabber.

Overall in spite of the postpartum I am finding moments of gratitude &amp; joy in my every day life.  It isn&#8217;t always easy &amp; there are days where I just plain don&#8217;t want to get out of bed&#8230;and some days I spend a lot of time snuggling deep into the comforter with Magnus.  I am pushing along though&#8230;I have my meds again (for now&#8212;some bills went unpaid for a little longer) which make such a huge difference.  We will see what December brings but for now I will take the simple things.

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1520" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/gratitude-for-simple-things/2010-11-11_00001/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1520" title="2010-11-11_00001" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-11_00001-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

Besides who can resist this much cuteness??<div class="shr-publisher-1518"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fgratitude-for-simple-things%2F' data-shr_title='Gratitude+for+Simple+Things'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fgratitude-for-simple-things%2F' data-shr_title='Gratitude+for+Simple+Things'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fgratitude-for-simple-things%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Falls Park</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 13 Nov 2010 03:39:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Out & About]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Photography]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nature]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[photos]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1492</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We spent a little while in <a href="http://www.siouxfalls.com/fallsParkDetails.cfm">Falls Park</a> in Sioux Falls over the weekend.  Here are some of the photos that I took.  It was cool but so nice to be outside enjoying the last of the nice weather before winter arrives. <a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Ffalls-park%2F' data-shr_title='Falls+Park'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Ffalls-park%2F' data-shr_title='Falls+Park'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->We spent a little while in <a href="http://www.siouxfalls.com/fallsParkDetails.cfm">Falls Park</a> in Sioux Falls over the weekend.  Here are some of the photos that I took.  It was cool but so nice to be outside enjoying the last of the nice weather before winter arrives.

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1503" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00816-20101106-1354/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1503" title="IMG00816-20101106-1354" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00816-20101106-1354-300x224.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="224" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1504" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00818-20101106-1405/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1504" title="IMG00818-20101106-1405" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00818-20101106-1405-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1505" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00819-20101106-1414/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1505" title="IMG00819-20101106-1414" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00819-20101106-1414-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1506" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00820-20101106-1414/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1506" title="IMG00820-20101106-1414" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00820-20101106-1414-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1507" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00823-20101106-1417/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1507" title="IMG00823-20101106-1417" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00823-20101106-1417-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1508" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00826-20101106-1419/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1508" title="IMG00826-20101106-1419" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00826-20101106-1419-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1509" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00829-20101106-1422/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1509" title="IMG00829-20101106-1422" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00829-20101106-1422-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1510" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/img00838-20101106-1432/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1510" title="IMG00838-20101106-1432" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG00838-20101106-1432-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1495" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00001/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1495" title="2010-11-06_00001" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00001-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1496" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00003/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1496" title="2010-11-06_00003" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00003-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1497" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00005/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1497" title="2010-11-06_00005" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00005-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1498" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00009/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1498" title="2010-11-06_00009" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00009-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1499" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00010/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1499" title="2010-11-06_00010" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00010-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a>

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1500" href="http://nil17.com/2010/11/falls-park/2010-11-06_00011/"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1500" title="2010-11-06_00011" src="http://nil17.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/2010-11-06_00011-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a><div class="shr-publisher-1492"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Ffalls-park%2F' data-shr_title='Falls+Park'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Ffalls-park%2F' data-shr_title='Falls+Park'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Ffalls-park%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>What Do You Mean You&#8217;re 15!</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/11/what-do-you-mean-youre-15/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/11/what-do-you-mean-youre-15/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 07 Nov 2010 04:07:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Memories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[special events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[thoughts]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1481</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[On Friday a milestone was reached&#8230;mostly nobody noticed except a few close family &#38; friends.  They woke up, looked at their calendars &#38; decided that it was a good time to haul out the jet packs for the commute to work &#38; school.  What the rest of the world was blissfully unaware of was that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->On Friday a milestone was reached&#8230;mostly nobody noticed except a few close family &amp; friends.  They woke up, looked at their calendars &amp; decided that it was a good time to haul out the jet packs for the commute to work &amp; school.  What the rest of the world was blissfully unaware of was that G-man had turned 15.

So what you think; lots of kids turn 15 every day.  What makes this what&#8217;s-his-face special?

There are a lot of things that make G-man special.  He was an uncle at age 7.  Now that he&#8217;s 15 he is an uncle 8 times over.  He is the youngest of 8 kids.  His siblings sometimes have a really hard time remembering he is so young&#8212;they&#8217;ve treated him as part of the gang since he was born.  In spite of having much older siblings, G-man managed to retain his childhood&#8230;that means he&#8217;s a pretty okay kid.  He doesn&#8217;t really get into trouble like some kids you hear about these days.  You know the ones; those kids hanging out with &#8220;the wrong crowd&#8221;.  G-man often feels sorry for those kids&#8230;&#8221;If only they had parents who were around &amp; siblings &amp; whatnot&#8221;.  After all G-man knows the parents can&#8217;t always help not being there but he also knows that many times the parents are too busy to pay attention.

G-man is very independent.  He has always been able to go out with the big kids&#8230;he didn&#8217;t like to be left behind.  In fact, he&#8217;s been known to stow away in his dad&#8217;s van &amp; sneak into town.  See, G-man lives in the country &amp; his dad volunteers at the teen activity center in the next town over.  G-man likes to go along with his dad &amp; hang out; sometimes they would shoot hoops (well sometimes they still do).  Anyway, G-man really wanted to go with his dad one Saturday night.  Dad said G-man should stay home &amp; get some rest.  G-man appealed to Mom but she agreed with Dad.  G-man was upset &amp; stalked out of the house.  His mom &amp; Dad let him go&#8230;he&#8217;s a pretty okay kid in the country after all.  Well G-man&#8217;s dad headed into town &amp; G-man&#8217;s mom thought it was time to eat some supper (dinner is for city people&#8230;or what country people eat at noon).  When supper was ready&#8212;about 15 minutes later; G-man&#8217;s mom called out the door.  She waited &amp; then called again, &#8220;G-man you better be in here, hands washed in the next 5 minutes or you are going to be in SO much trouble&#8221;!  Time passed &amp; G-man&#8217;s mom decided it was time to call G-man&#8217;s dad.

Meanwhile, G-man had gotten so angry he stalked off across the yard &amp; hid behind the shed for awhile.  That wasn&#8217;t much fun though &amp; he decided he&#8217;d hide out in his dad&#8217;s van.  Quietly G-man snuck his bike into the back of the van, climbed in after it &amp; closed the door.  Soon G-man&#8217;s dad hopped in the van &amp; went flying off down the gravel in a cloud of dust.  G-man stayed hidden &amp; quiet.  He waited until the van stopped &amp; he heard his dad get out.  After a few minutes he cautiously peeked out, saw he was in the clear &amp; hopped out with his bike.  So while G-man&#8217;s mom was calling him to supper he was happily wheeling around Danesville.  G-man was feeling pretty pleased with himself&#8212;not only had he gotten to go with Dad but he&#8217;d also gotten to go when he&#8217;d been told no.

While G-man was enjoying his adventure he lost track of time.  Riding around Danesville is fun when you are off riding your bike.  It&#8217;s big enough for a nice ride but not so big as to get lost.  Suddenly G-man noticed that the air was a little chilly &amp; that it was getting quite dark out.  Now G-man isn&#8217;t a sissy but being alone when Mom &amp; Dad don&#8217;t know where you are stops being fun in the dark.  Thinking about how he was supposed to stay home &amp; had disobeyed made G-man worried.  &#8221;I&#8217;m going to be in SO much trouble.  Dad is gonna kick my butt when they figure out what I did&#8221;, G-man thought.  So to avoid the dire consequences of his imagination (no supper for a week, twice as many chores for a month &amp; not being allowed out of the house for the rest of his life) G-man decided he should hide.

Hiding in the dark alone is scary though so he thought he should find a safe, sheltered place to go.  After some careful thought he turned his bike around and rode up the main street in Danesville.  In fact he rode straight up to the yard of his pastor.  He leaned his bike against the big oak tree on the front lawn &amp; curled up beside the solid trunk.

Now Pastor&#8217;s Wife had gotten a phone call earlier saying that G-man was missing &amp; that his parents thought he&#8217;d snuck into town.  She had promised to keep an eye out for him&#8230;lo &amp; behold she happened to see his little figure slide into her front yard.  Quickly she called G-man&#8217;s mom &amp; dad before going outside to collect a very tired &amp; scared 7 year old boy.

So now eight years have passed &amp; that scared little boy is taking driver&#8217;s education training.  That&#8217;s right&#8212;he&#8217;s learning to drive.  He&#8217;s still a pretty okay kid.  Sometimes he is a total teenager &amp; gets that stubborn teenage set to his jaw.  His hair is often a little longer than his mom would like.  He listens to loud music that his dad doesn&#8217;t like at all.  G-man&#8217;s siblings are often surprised when they think about his age&#8230;after all they forget he&#8217;s still a kid most of the time.  However all of them are proud of him &amp; love him dearly&#8230;. but none of them are going anywhere near the roads for awhile&#8230;.<div class="shr-publisher-1481"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fwhat-do-you-mean-youre-15%2F' data-shr_title='What+Do+You+Mean+You%27re+15%21'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fwhat-do-you-mean-youre-15%2F' data-shr_title='What+Do+You+Mean+You%27re+15%21'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fwhat-do-you-mean-youre-15%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>So Much For Mental Health</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/11/so-much-for-mental-health/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/11/so-much-for-mental-health/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Nov 2010 23:28:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Baby Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[I should be in therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthcare]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1477</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s no secret that I&#8217;ve been struggling with depression for over a year.  After the birth of my amazing little boy it got a whole lot worse.  With the addition of post-partum it has been a new &#38; often horrible experience.  I recognized fairly quickly that I was going to need help dealing with the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->It&#8217;s no secret that I&#8217;ve been struggling with depression for over a year.  After the birth of my amazing little boy it got a whole lot worse.  With the addition of post-partum it has been a new &amp; often horrible experience.  I recognized fairly quickly that I was going to need help dealing with the depression.  In fact by the 2nd day of my hospital recovery I had already discussed increasing the dosage of my anti-depressant with my physician.

After a few weeks I again discussed my depression with my physician &amp; again my dosage was increased.  This alleviated the depression a little but I was still struggling to get out of bed.  Finding the energy &amp; motivation to do more than give Magnus care was impossible.  I was weepy, sad &amp; felt pretty awful about myself.  After a long wait I was finally able to see a psychiatrist who prescribed me an additional medication.

I should mention that the hour long consultation with the psychiatrist cost me $300.  As an uninsured individual I was less than happy to see that bill.  I was told that all I needed to pay was $75.  WRONG.  Not only that but I was scheduled for a follow-up appointment six weeks after the first visit.  That&#8217;s another $300 they wanted&#8230;needless to say I canceled that appointment.   It&#8217;s no wonder that people don&#8217;t seek help&#8212; seriously I&#8217;d love to pay my bill but who in the hell can afford $300/hour.  So they will have to take what I can afford on a monthly basis.  All you out there who are all up in arms about healthcare&#8230;think long and hard about this.  Could I get health insurance? Possibly&#8212; though to purchase health insurance for our family would be over a 1/3 of our gross monthly income.  (Yeah that seems reasonable&#8230; I mean I can have health insurance w/a deductible of $25,000+ but not afford rent/utilities or I can pay my regular bills &amp; not get health care.)

Anyway, I have to refill my prescriptions every month.  I make sure to get the generic drugs to help alleviate the cost.  Well, life being what it is I had to make a decision on what to purchase&#8230;the refill for my prescriptions ($100) or groceries &amp; diapers.  Obviously groceries &amp; diapers were what came home in the back of my Jeep.

So I went off my meds cold turkey.  Not something I recommend trying&#8212;it is awful.  After ten days of deepening depression I called the psychiatrists office to see if they could give me some samples at least.  I had to wait for a nurse to call me back.  When I finally received a return call I wished I&#8217;d never asked for help.  After explaining my situation for the 3rd time (once to the receptionist when I called, then to the voicemail which required me to leave a detailed message) the nurse basically wished me luck with my post-partum depression.  For a new mom with a screaming baby this is NOT the correct response.  I&#8217;ve been feeling more &amp; more desperate with each passing day&#8230;.by yesterday there were moments where I was truly tempted to feed Magnus, put him to sleep in his bed &amp; then crawl into a warm bath with my (still) full bottle of vicodin (left over from my c-section) &amp; the bottle of vodka.

It is very hard for me to admit that I have reached the point where I&#8217;ve even thought that.  I&#8217;m horrified that I am so upset with myself that I feel like just going to sleep &amp; never waking up.  I know that it is the depression talking&#8212;one look at the beautiful, smiling face of my son &amp; for a moment it all melts away.  When the quiet sets into my own mind though I think about how horrible I feel&#8230;how I don&#8217;t feel like a good mom because I can&#8217;t always comfort Magnus right away.  How I feel so lonely &amp; isolated no matter what I&#8217;m doing.  I&#8217;ve tried getting out of the house during the day&#8230;I just end up feeling invisible in a crowd.

I&#8217;m also incredibly angry with myself for not being able to just put my mind to not feeling depressed.  I should just be able to decide that I&#8217;m not depressed &amp; then I won&#8217;t be right?  Or as has been said to me on more than one occasion, &#8220;You just need to have more faith &amp; pray harder &amp; then God will just make it go away&#8221;.  I won&#8217;t even dignify that with a response.

To that nurse that &#8220;helped&#8221; me yesterday&#8212; seriously it is your attitude of  &#8221;good luck with your major depression&#8221; is unforgivable.  When someone calls asking for help it is not okay to brush them off with &#8220;Maybe you could just ask someone for help.  Or you could apply for some prescription plans&#8230;sometimes they will help if they can&#8221;.  I was asking for help&#8212; I was asking you!  Feeling ignored by someone whose job it is to care for people is not something I&#8217;d wish on anyone.

So I&#8217;m trying to keep my chin up, grin &amp; bear it and hopefully come through with the meds I need to help me.  I may not be a good mommy but I&#8217;m trying my damnedest every day to show my little man that nobody will have as much love for him as I do.<div class="shr-publisher-1477"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fso-much-for-mental-health%2F' data-shr_title='So+Much+For+Mental+Health'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fso-much-for-mental-health%2F' data-shr_title='So+Much+For+Mental+Health'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fso-much-for-mental-health%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>NaNoWriMo or NaBloPoMo</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/11/nanowrimo-or-nablopomo/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/11/nanowrimo-or-nablopomo/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Nov 2010 02:50:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Baby Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[I should be in therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Music, Books, Movies etc]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Life We Lead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What's in my Head]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[baby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blogging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[daily life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1461</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s that time of year again when all the writers take pen in hand to participate in <a href="http://www.nanowrimo.org">National Novel Writing Month</a>.  It&#8217;s a way for them to accomplish a lot of writing in a relatively short amount of time. The official website has all the information including rules etc. Some of the writers I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->
<p>It&#8217;s that time of year again when all the writers take pen in hand to participate in <a href="http://www.nanowrimo.org">National Novel Writing Month</a>.  It&#8217;s a way for them to accomplish a lot of writing in a relatively short amount of time. The official website has all the information including rules etc. Some of the writers I know set up websites where you can follow along (once you register) with the writing, provide feedback if you choose &amp; observe the process of creating a novel.  If you are looking for some great writing &amp; are interested in this process I highly recommend following <a href="http://davidniallwilson.com">David Niall Wilson</a> as he writes <a href="http://scatteredearth.crossroadpress.com/ ">Scattered Earth</a>.  Also this month is <a href="http://www.nablopomo.com/">National Blog Posting Month</a>&#8230;well every month is NaBloPoMo&#8230;anyway.  Here bloggers make a commitment to post something on their blog every day for the entire month.  The official website contains all the information &amp; also prompts for what to post each day.  There is all sorts of information on the site &amp; if you are interested in either event I encourage you to visit the websites &amp; see what&#8217;s going on.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve always wanted to write a novel.  Since I was a teenager I&#8217;ve felt that somewhere inside me was a book waiting to be born.  However, I have not yet discovered what that book might be&#8230;I mean I can&#8217;t even post to my blog with any regularity (not to mention I don&#8217;t seem to have anything of interest to say) so a novel is a bit beyond my ken. I am considering some ideas to make this space a little LOT more interesting&#8230;I haven&#8217;t decided yet if or how I&#8217;ll implement any changes.  I&#8217;m also thinking of doing a month of blog writing but this month is definitely not it&#8230;Mostly because I&#8217;m caught up in being a mommy.</p>
<p>Speaking of mommy stuff&#8212; Magnus tried rice cereal for the first time the other night. He is most certainly NOT a fan. The little bit I made he ended up wearing.  So we will wait until after Christmas &amp; see how he feels about it then.  The other big thing going on is I&#8217;m off my meds right now.  Due to a whole range of circumstances that I don&#8217;t feel like explaining I&#8217;ve been unable to refill my prescriptions.  I must say that going cold turkey off a combo therapy of anti-depressants sucks mightily.  It&#8217;s been a week &amp; every day is very difficult.  I spend a lot of time crying or fighting back the tears&#8230;.if Magnus weren&#8217;t in need of care I&#8217;d probably never get out of bed.  He is my saving grace right now. Every day I start with the attitude that I will survive until Abe comes home. So far it&#8217;s worked.  Other than that I&#8217;ve got a multitude of questions without answers.</p>
<div class="shr-publisher-1461"></div><!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic --><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><div class='shareaholic-like-buttonset' style='float:right;height:60px;'><a class='shareaholic-googleplusone' data-shr_size='tall' data-shr_count='true' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fnanowrimo-or-nablopomo%2F' data-shr_title='NaNoWriMo+or+NaBloPoMo'></a><a class='shareaholic-fblike' data-shr_layout='box_count' data-shr_showfaces='false' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fnanowrimo-or-nablopomo%2F' data-shr_title='NaNoWriMo+or+NaBloPoMo'></a><a class='shareaholic-fbsend' data-shr_href='http%3A%2F%2Fnil17.com%2F2010%2F11%2Fnanowrimo-or-nablopomo%2F'></a></div><div style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetBottom Automatic -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Rhythm &amp; Blues</title>
		<link>http://nil17.com/2010/10/rhythm-blues/</link>
		<comments>http://nil17.com/2010/10/rhythm-blues/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 31 Oct 2010 02:58:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Nil17</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music, Books, Movies etc]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2010]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://nil17.com/?p=1455</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>I have nothing terribly interesting to say so instead I&#8217;m going to promote some very cool music that I&#8217;ve been listening to as of late.  I got on <a href="http://www.reverbnation.com">ReverbNation</a> a few months ago (<a href="http://www.shadowgallery.com">Shadow Gallery</a> started using the site &#38; I&#8217;m always happy to play the fangirl).  It&#8217;s free to sign up &#38; [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<!-- Start Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic --><!-- End Shareaholic LikeButtonSetTop Automatic -->
<p>I have nothing terribly interesting to say so instead I&#8217;m going to promote some very cool music that I&#8217;ve been listening to as of late.  I got on <a href="http://www.reverbnation.com">ReverbNation</a> a few months ago (<a href="http://www.shadowgallery.com">Shadow Gallery</a> started using the site &amp; I&#8217;m always happy to play the fangirl).  It&#8217;s free to sign up &amp; you can fan bands, find new music, keep up with concerts in your area and a ton of other things.</p>
<p>As an avid tweeter I am following several different artists on Twitter &amp; found that I could keep up with what they are currently promoting on ReverbNation.  I have since listened to some truly great bands, downloaded some tracks &amp; even messaged with some of the artists. Following is a list of some of the music currently blasting through my house.  Follow the links for something new to tantalize your ears.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/mattpowers">Matt Powers</a> &#8212; California native Matt has been playing bass for years. His solo recordings are solid rock/Indie pop that will stick with you.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/triogroup">TRIO (therhythmisodd)</a> &#8212; a Swedish prog rock group that I was recently introduced to via Twitter.  Check them out as they are great musicians with a new look at what progressive rock should be.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/hooksforladders">Hooks &amp; Ladders</a> &#8212; Floridians Chris &amp; Nick started playing acoustic rock to counter their normal hard rock/metal sound.  Mellow &amp; memorable&#8230;worth the listen.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/garyshukoski">Gary Shukoski</a> &#8212; based in San Diego, CA Gary records some great prog/experimental rock. I catch myself singing/humming his tunes while puttering about the house.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/starark">Star Ark</a> &#8212; the brain child of Neil Flavelle; this mix of alternative/experimental rock comes from Melbourne, Australia.  I find new vibes with nearly every listen.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/ashburyonline">Ashbury</a> &#8212; a Tucson, AZ rock band with staying power.  Their first album was released in 1983&#8230;give &#8216;em a listen &amp; see why &#8220;Endless Skies&#8221; is a much sought after album.  Look for a new album in 2011.</p>
<p>So what&#8217;s playing on your device of choice? What new music/artist/band has grabbed your attention recently.  DO share as I&#8217;m always willing to find some new aural stimulation.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>

<p>&nbsp;</p>

<p>&nbsp;</p>

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