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Archive for the ‘Story’ Category

Banana vs Muffin: DeathMatch 2009

30 Sep

One bright but foggy autumn day a young receptionist walked to work & planned out her day. In her bag she carried her lunch & a snack. Since she had been unable to make up her mind there was a banana & a muffin for snack. They were busy arguing from the second it became apparent one of them would be the unchosen snack.

Banana was proud of his perfect yellow skin & bragged about all the potassium he would provide to be used as fuel when our girl went running later. Muffin scoffed, confident that his big puffy top & fiber content would help him win the snack contest. The yogurt, veggie sandwich & water Lunch listened to them aruge all the way up to the 15th floor. Finally when they were tucked away in the desk Lunch got fed up with the bickering. “Look, we are sick of you two arguing about this. What does it matter who is the left-behind snack?”

Banana responded, “It matters because whoever is chosen is the superior food. The chosen snack gets to fuel our girl through a critical part of her day”, with a proud lift of his stem Banana looked at Muffin. “I am THAT snack. Full of potassium & other minerals. Not to mention my vitamin capacity.”

“Vitamin capacity”, snorted Muffin, “What sort of nonsense is that? I am filled with fiber & carbohydrates to provide a longer boost of energy to ward of the fatigue & boredom during the long afternoon.”

“ALRIGHT! That’s it”, Lunch lost its temper, “We are going to settle this like proper food. None of this lunchbox squabbling…Muffin you put out the word to the morning coffee break snacks & Banana you let the afternoon sugar dip crowd know–We are gonna have ourselvs a Desktop Deathmatch! That’s right…10:30 right here when our girl takes her first bathroom break. A fifteen minute, no-holds-barred battle. As Lunch I will be the referee…Now get going.”

All morning the snack gossip was buzzing about the Desktop Deathmatch. There were rumors, hints of this happening before but the stories were so fantastic that nobody really believed there was any truth to them. Now the lunches & snacks were excited to see this legendary battle. Right on schedule our receptionist pulled the snacks out & set them on her desk, then got up & walked to the bathroom. Immediately there was a mad dash for the receptionist’s desk as lunches & snacks from all over the cubicle farm raced for seats at the Desktop Deathmatch arena. Word had spread as far away as the 7th floor & exotic looking snacks from Taiwan & Bolivia slinked toward the front to squeeze in with Carrots & Apples from Wisconsin. As Lunch slid into the ring the noise from the crowd was deafening.

Lunch motioned for quiet & began the announcement. “In the corner wearing the yellow trunks, weighing in at 10 oz is……MUFFIN”, Lunch points & Muffin shadow boxes.  ”And in the blue trunks, weighing in at 11.73 oz is……BANANA”, Banana jumps up & down pumping his legs high.  ”We’ve been over the rules…there really aren’t any rules and may the best snack WIN!”

The judges: Pudding, Rice Cakes & Popcorn watched closely as the bell rang & the fighters charged toward each other. The two fighters danced around & took theatrical jabs at each other. This lasted for awhile but the ravenous crowd started booing & screaming, “Come on…hit him.  Stop being such a wuss, get in there and hit something.  You suck, this is the worst fight I’ve ever seen!”  As the crowd grew more rowdy Muffin got more brave.

Suddenly Muffin kicks Banana hard & Banana goes down.  Muffin jumps & quickly snaps Banana’s stem in half.  Banana manages to jump up & with a Chuck Norris-like roundhouse kick knocks out the front of Muffin’s glorious puffy top.  Soon the two snacks were engaged in a melee & it was impossible to tell who was winning.  The judges were about to ring the bell when out of the back and into the ring came Granola Bar with Almonds.  Before Lunch or anybody else could react, Granola Bar quickly knocked out Banana & got Muffin into a full-Nelson.  ”I AM ALL THAT IS SNACK!”

 
 
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All Signs Say “Huh”?

09 Sep

I’m going to tell you a little tale about a girl, the boy she loves, the job she has, the commission he is given & the villian who tries to dash their hopes & dreams.

This girl, Lin is an average looking girl with glasses.  She loves Troy, a boy who works hard with his hands to provide for their life together.  She works as an office girl: answering phones, greeting customers, writing letters & filing papers.  He is a finish carpenter by trade (although he’s been out of work for a while) & a furniture maker.  They live quite happily on a little acreage surrounded by giant pine trees with their dogs.  It’s a mostly happy life filled with all the usual ups & downs.

One day Lin’s boss asks if Troy would be able to create a sign to hang on the front of the building.  Lin says yes & her boss begins the long process of getting a design approved.  Once the inital design is approved by Lin’s boss & also the bank that shares the building (the bank has to be in on everything as they think the world revolves around them) Troy gets to work.  He spends many hours in his shop selecting the proper pieces of lumber & planing them down into smooth boards.  Then Troy joined the boards together to make the signs.  After months of waiting for a decision from the bank (they were given the task of choosing a font for the words) Lin made a decision.  She urged the two businesses to use the same font as their logos– this was met with a great deal of surprise as it had not occurred to anybody else that this was an option.  Lin & Troy had the local print shop make up the letters in the appropriate size & soon the letters were ready to be routered into the signs.  Before making anything permanent Troy arranged the paper letters on the signs, took pictures & sent the files in for approval.  After a month of waiting the bank finally reached an agreement (after much discussion & a vote of 3-2) & Troy was able to begin the task of actually putting the letters into the wood.  During this process Lin asked what color the letters & signs should be.  Nobody responded…but Lin was persistant & finally got the okay to use a nice forest green color for the letters & the rest would be left natural with a clear protective coating.

After months of work the signs were finally ready.  Troy had worked many hours & carefully planned the project.  He had made certain that each step was approved before continuing.  Over all the project took 6 long months but looking at the finished product Lin & Troy were proud of the work.  Since it was close to the end of summer so Troy made sure he got the signs mounted on the front & end of the building.  He got it done just days before the town would be full of people for the annual town festival.  It was hard work too.  The big sign for the front of the builidng weighed in at nearly 300 pounds.

The day after Troy hung the signs he & Lin stopped by the building to deliver the invoices for the signs.  When they arrived they saw 3 people standing at the front entrance looking up at the sign.  Before getting out of the truck Lin said to Troy, “I’ll just bet they are complaining about something.  You know how they are…if it wasn’t their idea or they didn’t do it then something must be wrong with it.”

Lin was right.  As she walked into the building the people standing outside were busy trying to figure out how to “improve” the signs.  When Troy came back from fueling up he walked right in blissful in his state of being totally unaware of what was waiting.  It didn’t take long until this was shattered by multiple people suggesting ways to improve the signs to make them “pop” more.  (One of the suggestors had been watching many home improvement shows on cable television.)  Angered by the lack of appreciation at delivering a product that was exactly to the specifications requested Troy & Lin left and swore that if that’s how Troy’s hard work was going to be treated they would take the signs back.

The next day Lin had to work & she was prepared to do battle for the boy she loved.  It made her feel sad & angry to see Troy’s hard work dismissed so easily.  The two businesses had asked for signs that matched the log building that housed them.  They wanted something nice yet not too modern so that it didn’t look incongruous with the surroundings.  Troy had obliged with a beautiful wooden design…now the same people who commissioned the work were saying it wasn’t at all what they thought it would be.  When Lin’s boss arrived that day he immediately brought up the signs.  Lin was cautious & curt with her answers at first.  Finally she told her boss how upset & hurt Troy had been at the seeming disregard for all his hard work.  Lin said that it was beyond rude to treat someone in that fashion.  How would he feel if after putting in hard work to create something based on a vague design there was nothing but criticism?  Lin’s boss thought about that & agreed that the presentation of questions & suggestions could have been handled in a nicer manner.  Lin also let it be known that Troy was so upset he had insisted on working the night before to correct some minor alignment issues so he wouldn’t be subjected to more opinions on what wasn’t “right” with the sign.  After more discussion Lin’s boss said that he thought the signs were actually quite nice & that the craftsmanship of the signs was indeed very good.  While there could have been some things done differently with the design it wasn’t anything that was critical to the appearance & that next time Lin’s boss would have a better idea of what to ask for when having a sign made.

Lin passed all of this on to her beloved Troy & the two of them felt appeased.  They set off for a long weekend content that the drama had been resolved.  Little did they know what the next week had in store for them.  It was just as well they didn’t because it would have ruined the relaxing weekend in the country.  After the weekend Lin went back to work & Troy went back to his shop.  Their lives fell into its regular rhythm.  Lin stopped in to ask when they could expect the payment from the bank for their portion of the signs.  It was with great dismay & anger that Lin learned the bank president had made it known that the sign invoice was not to be paid  until the owner of the bank (and Lin’s office) approved the signs.  Lin was shocked & nearly in tears…how could she pay the bills?  The rent was due and Lin had counted on that payment.  With Troy essentially unemployed her small income wasn’t enough to take care of everything.  Troy’s work on the signs & some upcoming projects were their only hope of making it.  Lin’s mind raced as she tried to adjust to the news & not cry right there.  After a moment she looked at the lady who had reluctantly shared the news.  ”Please let Prez SL know then that I will not be paying my rent until the signs are approved”, Lin bit the inside of her lip to keep her voice from cracking.  Finished with her errand at the bank Lin stalked across the hall, past her desk & into her boss’s office.  She explained the dilemma that she & Troy were now in.  Lin’s boss was so pissed off when he heard that the bank was refusing to pay on something they had approved already that he marched over to the bank.  Unfortunately the prez was with a customer but Lin’s boss did talk to the VP & came back reassuring Lin that the bank would indeed pay & in a timely  manner.  Lin felt a bit better that she had more people in her corner.  The longer Lin thought about the matter the more steely her resolve became.  She was risking not only her job but also her home going toe to toe with the bank president.  Of course when weighed against the hurt Troy would be caused if the bank got away with refusing to pay Lin knew that nothing was too great a risk….

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Protected: Paddle Boat Fishing & Other Adventures Pt. 1

13 Jul

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Protected: Untitled #19

05 May

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