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Archive for the ‘Patently Ridiculous’ Category

What Are You Thinking About?

20 Aug

The other night Magnus was sleeping early so Abe & I were snuggling; enjoying the quiet time together.  After a few minutes of silence I asked what he was thinking about.  “Nothing much, just you”, he replied.  I laughed; it figures that is the answer I would get.  Abe isn’t big on sharing what goes on inside his head.  Many times I feel like some sort of mind-reading machine trying to figure out what’s up with him.

After a few more minutes Abe asked what I was thinking about.  “I’m a girl; there are hundreds of thoughts floating around in my brain.  In fact, I really wish I could just shut it off for awhile”, I turned to look at him, “You really don’t want to hear all the stuff that’s floating around up there”.  We bantered back and forth for a bit about it.  Abe kept insisting he wanted to know what I was thinking; I kept telling him that letting that loose would ruin our quiet mood.  Finally to end the discussion I started listing things that were popping up as thoughts.  (I have heard the brain described as an intricate filing system.  Men can have 2 maybe 3 drawers open at a time; any more & their filing cabinet tips over making a mess.  Women can have dozens of drawers open at one time & quickly flip between them.  Not only that but women can leave drawers partially open while men shut each drawer firmly.) Here in no particular order are some of the thoughts that I expressed last night….

I’m wondering about moving again, how we will manage the actual move, the logistics of packing with an additional person in the family, how we will manage to clear snow this winter since we don’t have a snow blower & it’s a much larger area than Abe can realistically shovel, how I’m going to furnish/decorate the new house, how Magnus will like the new house, how the dogs will like the new house, that I need the psychologist to call me back so I can make an appointment to discuss taking different meds for my depression, my depression doesn’t seem to be helped by my current meds so what difference does it make if I take them, I need to do my laundry, what to make for my family reunion on Saturday, will the weather be decent on Saturday, how will Magnus deal with traveling that far, will Magnus be in a good frame of mind, what should I wear to the reunion, I hate my hair–I wish it looked nicer, I feel defectivebrokendented, will I ever feel like “myself” again, I need to start back on my WiiFit, I don’t have the motivation to start back on the WiiFit, I need a job, I need to be able to stay home & take care of Magnus, I wish I could get paid to write, how can I get paid to write when I can’t even manage to update my blog on a semi-regular basis….

You get the idea anyway.  As I was listing off things that I was thinking about more & more popped into my head.  It was a bit like that scene in “Ghostbusters” where the poltergeist makes all the cards fly out of the card catalogue.  I told Abe that I felt like my brain was full of posty notes randomly stuck all without any discernible pattern.  He laughed as I went on a spiel about how with all those posty notes stuck everywhere it was no wonder my brain wasn’t working right & that I was forgetting things…new posties keep getting stuck on top of old ones.

That’s some of what I’m thinking about…what are YOU thinking about?

 
 

Boobies on Parade

17 Apr

Lying in bed this morning I was chatting with Abe & we were talking about Baby.  Not a big surprise since right now that’s the biggest thing going on with us.  Baby Fred was busy showing off & making known how strong s/he is.

Of course I got to thinking about what it’ll be like after Baby Fred is born & we go about our lives.  For some reason the idea of going out to eat & needing to nurse popped into my head.  Now I don’t have a problem with women breastfeeding in public…I was breastfed as were all my siblings.  I’ve seen tons of women do it in every type of public space.  It’s a very natural & ordinary event to me.  Now here comes the but….

I think there are women who abuse the idea of breastfeeding.  They whip out the tit & parade it around for the world to see while touting their “right” to nurse their child.  Hey you have every right to nurse….you do NOT have the right to wave your milk-laden udder in the faces of every person within the line of sight & then complain when a) they stare or b) they ask y0u to cover up a bit.  Seriously if you think popping out a boob in the middle of a restaurant isn’t going to attract some looks you’re out of your ever-loving mind.  I’m not saying you have to slink away into a dark corner & hide under a giant tented blanket.  I do think that a bit of propriety, some semblance of modesty, is in good taste.

Where did all this ranty-ness come from you ask… well quite simply from this news story.  It all started on Easter Sunday when this woman nursed her child in a busy restaurant.  I’ll let you read the story rather than rehash it here.  Basics are she & her family were asked to leave.  She claims it was because of the breastfeeding…the restaurant claims it was because her male companion was loud & verbally abusive to employees.

Now I’ve eaten in the restaurant in question.  In fact I’ve been there with my sister-in-law Anne, her 2 kids & her husband.  At the time the youngest E was nursing.  He got fussy & needed to be fed before we left.  So Anne (who is far more modest than I) proceeded to breastfeed right there in our booth.  No fanfare, no big production & no controversy.  She simply took care of business & that was that.  In fact we’ve been in restaurants all over the place where E needed to eat & there was never a problem.  Nobody got offended, pitched a hissy fit or asked us to leave.

Why?  It’s very simple.  Anne simply didn’t feel the need to flip her shirt up to her chin, expose her entire breast & create a scene where she drew attention to the moment.  Granted there were people that noticed.  I know that employees of the various establishments saw, in fact many times a waiter/waitress would come by the table to see if we needed more service or to deliver the bill.

Basically I don’t see a reason why there has to be such a brouhaha about the whole issue.  Women have breasts, women with infants tend to breastfeed.  Get over your feminist inclinations to force everyone to recognize your “wymynpower”.  Just take care of your kid, keep yourself modest (I’m not talking burqas here, but maybe a receiving blanket or a burp cloth) & get on with life.  I can guarantee you there are a damn sight more important things than your boobs that need attention in today’s society.  If you really need to put your boobies on parade head on down to Mardi Gras.

 
 

Seen Your Weiner or Why I Prefer Hooters

09 Nov

Lately life has been hectic & overwhelming to the point where I’m a hot mess.  Recently I’ve been off work quite a bit (ok in the last 2 weeks I’ve worked a total of  5 days) and it has reinforced my need to be done at my current job.  However I digress…this post is a review.  As a recent music reviewer (which I so enjoyed & hope to do again) I now take pen in hand ….ok keyboard in hand…to give you a review of a new restaurant in Sioux Falls, SD.  If you are looking for an adventure in eating I will admit that Señor Wiener is an adventure.  However, it’s a frightening adventure filled with double entendre of the lowest caliber.  There is nothing clever about the innuendo & even less cleverness in the menu.

Purporting to be a novelty hot dog restaurant this place lays on the schtick with a trowel.  Wieners, wieners everywhere & no relief in sight (bring your R O L A I D S–just so you are prepared).

the front window

Now from the outside there’s room for a few snickers & groans at the over the top signs.  Just inside the door is a large statue of Señor Wiener along with posters of our “hero” in iconic places/events.  The menu is basic & has the potential to be pretty good & seemingly inexpensive.  The offerings start with bratwurst, all beef hot dogs, corn dogs or Polish sausage.  Choose your white or whole wheat bun & whether you want grilled, boiled or fried.  For $2.50 it seems like a good deal…then the pick-pocketing begins.  For every additional topping that’s hot (chili, cheese, grilled onions etc) or every cold topping (onions, pickles, peppers, shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, mushrooms, olives etc) it is an additional $.50 & sauces (mayo, hot sauce,barbecue sauce, gravy) are an additional $.25 with the exceptions of traditional ketchup & mustard.  Seriously if you want a Chicago-style dog with all the fixings: onions, relish, tomato, kosher dill pickle & sport peppers your hot dog now costs $5.00 plus tax.  Add in fries at $2.50 & a soda at $1.50 and you are looking at $9.00 plus tax for a very mediocre meal.

Now for the rest of the restaurant…okay I get why Señor Wiener is funny in the most sophomoric of ways.  I mean the first time I heard it & saw it I snickered like a 13 year old.  It’s funny but the over-the-top nature makes Hooters seem less absurd.  Here’s a small taste of what I encountered ….

the booths

the bonfire accessories

using the bonfire accessories--umm YIKES!

for the girl with no shame

stating the obvious

stating the obvious 2.0

I don't know what he's doing but I don't want him parked in front of my house....

All in all I will take a trip to Hooters any day.  Sure there’s more butt cheek on display there than I really care to see & if I wanted to look at that much cleavage I could do it for free at home but their wings are pretty damn tasty. If I am going to tolerate body parts (or pseudo body parts) with my meal I want something that is more like actual food & less like a chew toy for my dogs. Besides let’s be honest–I’d much rather have some hot girls serving my food than a snotty nosed teen with a wiener complex.

 
 

Request Denied x4

02 Oct

I was going to post something I started last night but my day has just hit the wall & is splattered like a gruesome deer vs car accident.  Because I’m too depressed to even function well today I’m going to rant about something for a bit & will make it up to all you fine readers by posting the other stuff later.  I promise it’s good & fun.

So after being in the hospital in August I filled out a giant amount of paperwork to try to get approved for MinnesotaCare (the health insurance through the state…I’d pay a much smaller premium etc than what I’d pay if I had insurance through my job) so that my hospital stay would be covered.

Today I got not 1 but 4 rejection letters (total I have received more than 6) saying that I do not qualify to receive help from the program.  I won’t even go into how horrible I feel getting 4 rejection letters….I didn’t get turned down by that many boys in all of my single life (of course I didn’t date any boys before my adorable husband but that’s a different matter).

What pisses me off to no end is that I don’t meet the income requirements for the program.  I, in fact, make too much money.  That’s right….me, a lowly receptionist who makes $9.50/hour at a 32 hour a week job & the sole breadwinner in the family right now, I make too much money.  After the 401k deductions, the federal taxes, state taxes & social security I take home less than $1200 a month.  Out of that amount I must pay rent, insurance, utilities & food.  If I’m lucky I can also afford fuel for my Jeep.  I was offered health insurance through my job…if I took that option by the time my portion of the premium was paid I would take home less than $100/month.  I looked at getting health insurance on my own once upon a time when Abe was employed at a great job….I was denied that for reasons I won’t go into here.

While the whole country is bitching & moaning about everything from Roman Polanski to the Olympics to who knows what else and fighting each other rather than saying, “We have to do something to fix healthcare so let’s put aside who’s right & who’s left and do the job we were hired to do”….I’m staring at a pile of medical bills, the upcoming rent & the stack of rejection letters (including Abe’s job hunt rejections).  Explain to me why a 15 minute consultation (without the actual exam) with a gynecologist costs $245!  All she did was sit on my bed & tell me there was nothing wrong with me.  I’m sorry but that’s damn ridiculous!!!!

Insurance companies take tons of blame for the cost of healthcare….and I’m not saying that they are without culpability here.  I do think that if hospitals weren’t “for-profit” businesses things would certainly be better.  When healthcare facilities became focused on turning a profit, pleasing shareholders & stopped focusing on treating the illnesses (not the symptoms) of the population of this country that’s when it all went in the toilet.  I’m fed up & angry…..I don’t have the solution but someone out there must.  I’d like to know what it is.  Oh & if you are thinking about coming here & telling me I should get a higher paying job, have Hubby get a job dealing meth & “do whatever it takes” to afford health care then I’m telling you right now where you can put that comment.  I work hard & Hubby works harder trying to make money….too bad with our current system no amount will ever be enough.

 
 

All Signs Say “Huh”?

09 Sep

I’m going to tell you a little tale about a girl, the boy she loves, the job she has, the commission he is given & the villian who tries to dash their hopes & dreams.

This girl, Lin is an average looking girl with glasses.  She loves Troy, a boy who works hard with his hands to provide for their life together.  She works as an office girl: answering phones, greeting customers, writing letters & filing papers.  He is a finish carpenter by trade (although he’s been out of work for a while) & a furniture maker.  They live quite happily on a little acreage surrounded by giant pine trees with their dogs.  It’s a mostly happy life filled with all the usual ups & downs.

One day Lin’s boss asks if Troy would be able to create a sign to hang on the front of the building.  Lin says yes & her boss begins the long process of getting a design approved.  Once the inital design is approved by Lin’s boss & also the bank that shares the building (the bank has to be in on everything as they think the world revolves around them) Troy gets to work.  He spends many hours in his shop selecting the proper pieces of lumber & planing them down into smooth boards.  Then Troy joined the boards together to make the signs.  After months of waiting for a decision from the bank (they were given the task of choosing a font for the words) Lin made a decision.  She urged the two businesses to use the same font as their logos– this was met with a great deal of surprise as it had not occurred to anybody else that this was an option.  Lin & Troy had the local print shop make up the letters in the appropriate size & soon the letters were ready to be routered into the signs.  Before making anything permanent Troy arranged the paper letters on the signs, took pictures & sent the files in for approval.  After a month of waiting the bank finally reached an agreement (after much discussion & a vote of 3-2) & Troy was able to begin the task of actually putting the letters into the wood.  During this process Lin asked what color the letters & signs should be.  Nobody responded…but Lin was persistant & finally got the okay to use a nice forest green color for the letters & the rest would be left natural with a clear protective coating.

After months of work the signs were finally ready.  Troy had worked many hours & carefully planned the project.  He had made certain that each step was approved before continuing.  Over all the project took 6 long months but looking at the finished product Lin & Troy were proud of the work.  Since it was close to the end of summer so Troy made sure he got the signs mounted on the front & end of the building.  He got it done just days before the town would be full of people for the annual town festival.  It was hard work too.  The big sign for the front of the builidng weighed in at nearly 300 pounds.

The day after Troy hung the signs he & Lin stopped by the building to deliver the invoices for the signs.  When they arrived they saw 3 people standing at the front entrance looking up at the sign.  Before getting out of the truck Lin said to Troy, “I’ll just bet they are complaining about something.  You know how they are…if it wasn’t their idea or they didn’t do it then something must be wrong with it.”

Lin was right.  As she walked into the building the people standing outside were busy trying to figure out how to “improve” the signs.  When Troy came back from fueling up he walked right in blissful in his state of being totally unaware of what was waiting.  It didn’t take long until this was shattered by multiple people suggesting ways to improve the signs to make them “pop” more.  (One of the suggestors had been watching many home improvement shows on cable television.)  Angered by the lack of appreciation at delivering a product that was exactly to the specifications requested Troy & Lin left and swore that if that’s how Troy’s hard work was going to be treated they would take the signs back.

The next day Lin had to work & she was prepared to do battle for the boy she loved.  It made her feel sad & angry to see Troy’s hard work dismissed so easily.  The two businesses had asked for signs that matched the log building that housed them.  They wanted something nice yet not too modern so that it didn’t look incongruous with the surroundings.  Troy had obliged with a beautiful wooden design…now the same people who commissioned the work were saying it wasn’t at all what they thought it would be.  When Lin’s boss arrived that day he immediately brought up the signs.  Lin was cautious & curt with her answers at first.  Finally she told her boss how upset & hurt Troy had been at the seeming disregard for all his hard work.  Lin said that it was beyond rude to treat someone in that fashion.  How would he feel if after putting in hard work to create something based on a vague design there was nothing but criticism?  Lin’s boss thought about that & agreed that the presentation of questions & suggestions could have been handled in a nicer manner.  Lin also let it be known that Troy was so upset he had insisted on working the night before to correct some minor alignment issues so he wouldn’t be subjected to more opinions on what wasn’t “right” with the sign.  After more discussion Lin’s boss said that he thought the signs were actually quite nice & that the craftsmanship of the signs was indeed very good.  While there could have been some things done differently with the design it wasn’t anything that was critical to the appearance & that next time Lin’s boss would have a better idea of what to ask for when having a sign made.

Lin passed all of this on to her beloved Troy & the two of them felt appeased.  They set off for a long weekend content that the drama had been resolved.  Little did they know what the next week had in store for them.  It was just as well they didn’t because it would have ruined the relaxing weekend in the country.  After the weekend Lin went back to work & Troy went back to his shop.  Their lives fell into its regular rhythm.  Lin stopped in to ask when they could expect the payment from the bank for their portion of the signs.  It was with great dismay & anger that Lin learned the bank president had made it known that the sign invoice was not to be paid  until the owner of the bank (and Lin’s office) approved the signs.  Lin was shocked & nearly in tears…how could she pay the bills?  The rent was due and Lin had counted on that payment.  With Troy essentially unemployed her small income wasn’t enough to take care of everything.  Troy’s work on the signs & some upcoming projects were their only hope of making it.  Lin’s mind raced as she tried to adjust to the news & not cry right there.  After a moment she looked at the lady who had reluctantly shared the news.  ”Please let Prez SL know then that I will not be paying my rent until the signs are approved”, Lin bit the inside of her lip to keep her voice from cracking.  Finished with her errand at the bank Lin stalked across the hall, past her desk & into her boss’s office.  She explained the dilemma that she & Troy were now in.  Lin’s boss was so pissed off when he heard that the bank was refusing to pay on something they had approved already that he marched over to the bank.  Unfortunately the prez was with a customer but Lin’s boss did talk to the VP & came back reassuring Lin that the bank would indeed pay & in a timely  manner.  Lin felt a bit better that she had more people in her corner.  The longer Lin thought about the matter the more steely her resolve became.  She was risking not only her job but also her home going toe to toe with the bank president.  Of course when weighed against the hurt Troy would be caused if the bank got away with refusing to pay Lin knew that nothing was too great a risk….

2009-09-09_00008
2009-09-09_00006

 
 

The One Where I Go to the Hospital–Final Chapter?

23 Aug

When last we were together our heroine was cruising along on a cocktail of pain meds & sedation drugs.  Snowmen were being annihilated by her ever efficient flicks (‘cuz let’s face it snowmen are creepy…with their hollow black eyes & that inane empty smile).

Meanwhile the doctors were still stumped as to what was causing all the pain.  After a battery of tests (all of which came back normal–see it’s a medically proven fact that I’m normal) and no answers I was more than a little upset.  Not to mention that nobody bothered to tell me what the test results were.  One of my nurses was super great (all of them were so nice to me) and filled me in on the parts she knew so I had the barebones idea that nothing big was showing up in the test results.  Since there didn’t seem to be any answers the doctors (I had 2 surgeons, an internist, a gastroenterologist, an ob/gyn & her med student and a general physician) came by my room every day to see how I was feeling.  This mostly consisted of asking how I was feeling (horrible & in pain) & then probing & pushing down on my right side asking if it hurt (Of course if bloody well hurts…holy grief that’s why I came into the ER in the first place.  The dull aching pain from my rib cage to my hip coupled with the sharp stabbing pains in the area of the rib cage).

What did they think I was going to change my mind?  Did it look like I was having fun?? Okay, I’ll admit that for the first 15-30 minutes after getting a brand new dose of Dilaudid I was pretty happy.  Seriously with that stuff you could do whatever you wanted to me & I wouldn’t have objected….well I might have objected but probably not very hard.  In any case Thursday was a day of waiting.  I was waiting for the second surgeon to look over my charts & then visit me.  It never happened.  I spent the day drifting in and out of consciousness….I was so tired!  Abe sat with me and when I was awake we talked, watched some telly & played on the interwebz.  I was feeling pretty dejected by the time Abe left on Thursday night.  We talked it over & agreed that if something wasn’t decided by Friday that I was checking out & going home.

Friday dawned with me in a stupor.  A week of fitful sleep & much poking by nurses, aides & doctors left much to be desired.  We waited all day for the second surgeon to come visit.  In fact we waited most of the day for the general physician to visit.  By the time they both showed up I was in probably the worst pain I’d had all week.  Still they both examined me (by that I mean asked how I felt & then poked me where it hurt) & then decided that since there was no solid conclusion to why I was in pain etc that they would send me home with some prescriptions.  So on Friday evening the nurse gave me an extra dose of pain meds, removed the IV & wheeled me down to the entrance.  I had just spent 5 days in the hospital (without insurance) and the only thing I had to show for it was a hospital bill that I’m terrified of getting in the mail.

Thus ends the tale of my week in hospital.  Putting the events to screen here makes me even more aware of how irritated I am that I have no answers.  While the doctors did acknowledge that maybe my gallbladder isn’t functioning as well as it should they still don’t believe it’s causing the problems I’ve described.  So I’m doing the best I can with what I know.  I’m careful to eat very little & very specific kinds of food…like I can have lean meat (which I try to stick to anyway) or a chicken breast, I can eat Cheerios.  I do know that if I cut out all the fat in my diet that I’m just as likely to have a gallbladder attack as I would if I ate a pound of bacon.  The research I’ve been doing says that even with surgery I only have a 60% chance of feeling better.  HA! No thanks, I think I’ll try something else first.  I don’t mind changing my diet more…it’s something I need to do anyway.  What I do mind is the idea of never enjoying food again…so I’m being more careful but allowing for little indulgences.  I’m searching out alternative medicine such as acupuncture & acupressure along with stuff I may not have discovered yet.  Modern medicine seems to be more about treating the symptoms (my pain) than eliminating the cause of it.  Not to mention the cost of modern medicine.  I’m not saying that doctors shouldn’t be paid well.  I am saying that it’s beyond outrageous that a consultation with an ob/gyn that lasts less than 20 minutes should not cost $245.  Seriously, that’s the one bill I already received….she spoke to me for less than 20 minutes & worked in a quick pelvic exam while she was at it & for that she gets $245.  I’m not including the cost of any tests (mostly because she didn’t give me any) or lab work.

An side note to the hospital stay…I wish someone would have told me that I would feel like grim death after I left.  It doesn’t seem right that I felt even worse when I left than when I went in.  Saturday I did nothing but sleep with the odd trip to the bathroom thrown in.  It took every ounce of strength I possessed to walk the 15 feet from my side of the bed to the bathroom & back.  Sunday wasn’t much of an improvement… I slept through my nephews 4th birthday party.  I’m feeling more like myself now…still with the pain but I choose to ignore it the best I can.  What the future holds is anybody’s guess…right now I’m trying to get out & enjoy what’s left of my summer.

 
 

The One Where I Go to the Hospital III

22 Aug

On the last episode of “When Gallbladders Attack” I was just getting back to my room from the hida scan. We shall pick up when I arrived back in my room.

Once back in my room I was given more water (so delicious & soothing when your mouth feels like you’ve licked pavement) and promised ginger ale. I was without my IV at the time since the one that I’d had put in on Monday was very painful & my hand and arm had gotten quite swollen. After a few minutes a member of the IV team came in to start a new IV for me. She did a great job & got it in on the first jab.

I don’t really remember much else except that I got a visit from my brother-in-law Pete & his family. As always it was great to see them & so kind that they came to check on me. I got a lovely bouquet of roses from them which brightened up the institutional feeling of the place.

my bouquet of roses while I was in hospital

my bouquet of roses while I was in hospital

After my visitors left (I so enjoyed seeing them but having that many people in the room was a lot of work.  It’s hard to keep to small boys (one age 4 and the other age 10 months) entertained at the best of times…it’s even more difficult in a hospital.) I think I slept a little.  My memory starts to get a little fuzzy about details from this point on.  I do know that Abe leaving was just as difficult for me (as it was every night that week).  I also know that I spent time on Twitter keeping those wonderful friends updated on how I was doing.

I have to point out that I am so thankful & appreciative of all those who did their best to cheer me up & keep tabs on me thru Twitter.  What a blessing in a time where I felt terribly isolated.  Not knowing what was/is wrong (although I’m sure it’s my gallbladder I haven’t been “officially” diagnosed) and lying in that room alone was terrifying.  There really aren’t words to let all those people (some who I met for the first time while in hospital) know how much that meant to me. Thank you again to everybody on Twitter who chatted with me.  You were good medicine for my soul.  Some of them went above & beyond…they know who they are & how I feel about them.

Wednesday I was off food & liquids again for some more fun tests.  I got the fun of a pelvic ultrasound (I’m not going into details on this one…if you know what I’m talking about then I’m sorry ‘cuz they are more awkward than a traditional gyn exam.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about then count yourself lucky.) plus a second gyn exam & and EGD.  The EGD is worth telling about…I was quite amusing from what I’ve gathered from other sources.

For the EGD (it’s a scope stuck down your throat into your stomach) I was taken down to the surgery section of 4West.  The got me settled on the table in the room & got me hooked to the blood pressure monitor and heart monitor.  I also got a toasty warm blanket tucked around me as I was freezing (I was cold all the time while I was there).  By this time I had such a cocktail of meds that I drifted in & out of sleep at random.  I think I have a pretty good idea what being narcoleptic must be like.  Anyway, I fell asleep on the table & the nurses had to wake me up to get me prepped.  I was not an easy patient although it wasn’t on purpose.  I simply could not stay awake.  Finally the did get me rolled onto my right side, the oxygen in my nose (which I wouldn’t stop touching ‘cuz it felt so weird so they finally pinned my arms down with the blanket) & the mouth guard (so I wouldn’t accidently bite the scope) in.  I very vaguely remember some lady telling me they were going to sedate me.  The next thing I remember is asking if we were done.  I asked this question at least 10 times…I’d fall asleep again & couldn’t remember what was going on.  Then as I was headed back to my room someone decided to take me to 6West.  Fortunately one of my nurses saw me before I could get carted up to floors…I would have really freaked out had I woken up there.  I made it back to my room with a team of 4 people.  These were the lucky ones that got to help transfer me from the bed I was in to the bed in my room.  The two beds were put as close together as possible with a plastic body board slanted between them.  I then got the option to slide down myself or have them help.  Feeling adventurous I quite giddily decided to slide….much to the amusement of all present.  Apparently I felt the need to “Wheeeee!” as I slid down into my bed.  I also managed to get quite tangled in my length of IV hose.

Not long after that little bit of comedy my brother-in-law Pete popped in to check on me.  He was working & had a transfer from Cloquet to Duluth (he’s a firefighter & paramedic) so he took a couple minutes to see me.  I don’t remember much of that except for him hugging me good-bye…I patted his face several times with both hands….ah well what can I say I was pretty drugged up.  Abe has also informed me (I have NO recollection of the following events) that I hollered at Abe for not using the television remote properly & demanding that it be handed to me.  I also got quite animated & very angry about all the snowmen that were populating the room.  {Abe says I was creeped out by snowmen in August.}  In the imperious manner that only I can have when impaired by drugs (or alcohol) I announced that the snowmen were bothering me & that flicking them was the only way to make them disappear.  I then proceeded to demonstrate & apparently had some success in disbanding the little creatures as I did calm down.  (Every time I mention the snowmen Abe’s gets a very funny look on his face & he laughs.)

I have so much more to tell but it’ll keep a bit longer…I’ll fill you all in on the rest of my stay & what I think of the whole crazy business in another post.  (That is of course if you still want to read it…I promise to write about something else very soon.)

 
 

The One Where I Go to the Hospital II

22 Aug

So a few posts back I gave a recounting of my visit to ER & admission to the hospital. It went smoothly (no big scary horror stories about not getting treatment or aid) and I was soon ensconsed in my own ER room, carefully tucked in with a wonderful IV & pain meds. I dozed a lot lying there…I hadn’t slept very well in the preceeding days plus the combo of drugs made me sleepy. Abe sat in the room with me — for 7 long hours… I’m sure he was bored out of his mind (I know he was worried too) though I kept asking him how he was, if he needed anything. I also remember apologizing A LOT for being sick & asking to go to the hospital (not to mention the fretting I did over not taking the time to shave my legs before we left home).

So after several exams, lots of waiting & no answers I was admitted to the hospital. They wheeled me up to 4West and into room 403. There I answered about 5,000 questions (well I tried…I was after all on a pharmacy worth of meds) about my health history. I remember asking the nurse (who was VERY patient) to repeat some of the questions several times. Fortunately Abe was able to help out with the answers. I also managed to get a different gown…I went from one that was too small to one what could have been used as a circus tent for the Lollipop Kids.

Once settled in I finally got some water which I’d been asking for all day but was allowed because of the tests. Abe & I just hung out for a while but eventually it was getting to be late & he still had to drive home. I never like saying good-bye to Abe. Lying there in that hospital bed, saying good-bye & watching Abe walk out the door was one of my least favorite moments. Part of me wanted nothing more than to pitch a hysterical crying fit & make him stay with me. Knowing that would be far too selfish I waited to do most of my crying until after I was sure he was gone. (Besides there was no way Abe could sleep in the one chair all night & the bed was too small for both of us. Plus the dogs needed to be fed, watered & let out for a run.)

I passed a less than restful night Monday night. Tuesday morning started with a visit from someone taking more vials of blood for testing & another individual checking my vitals. I drifted back to semi-sleep for a while. As I was having a hida scan on Tuesday sometime I was not allowed to eat. (I’ll explain a hida scan in a bit) Now I knew I was having a hida scan & that there’s no food beforehand….but that didn’t stop at least 3 people from trying to give me a breakfast tray. I told the first person I was not allowed food because of the test. They said ok & left. A few minutes later a second person tapped on the door & asked if I wanted breakfast. I declined in a somewhat grouchy manner although I did my best to be polite. When the third person came barging in with the breakfast tray I refused it in a less polite & intensely more grouchy manner. The third person argued with me, demanding that I should eat. I brusquely explained that I was not allowed to eat because I was scheduled for a hida scan. Person #3 (most likely thinking I was crazed with medication) huffed out of the room & returned with my nurse who (fortunately for me) backed me up on the no food allowed. The tray was then quickly removed & I was left in peace. Abe arrived shortly thereafter & I was very happy not to be alone with the crazed breakfast gang.

After a while I was wheeled down to nuclear medicine for my hida scan. The hida scan is a terribly uncomfortable test. First you are strapped to a narrow metal table. I do mean strapped as there must be no movement for the duration (about an hour) of the test. Then you are injected with a radioactive dye. After that you lie still in a very uncomfortable & artificial position while a giant machine is moved over you & takes pictures of your gallbladder. The dye slowly fills up the gallbladder & then spills into the small intestine…once that happens a second drug is administered which makes the gallbladder contract. This is where it gets incredibly painful (at least for me). For the next 6-15 minutes (depending on the person giving the test) you feel as if your insides are being squeezed through a bendy, swirly straw. Did I mention that you’ll want to curl up in the fetal position, curse the doctor & then die…’cuz that is exactly what you can’t do–because you are strapped down.

When I was finally unstrapped & allowed to sit up I barely managed to slide down off the table. {oh yeah, me = 5′ 2″…I needed a step stool to climb onto it. The geriatric man who administered the test neglected to aid me in getting down. This is the same man when told that I needed an new IV (the first one infiltrated) and that it’s quite hard to find a vein proceeded to stick me on the inside of my left elbow & dig around ’til he hit a vein…it took until just this past week for the bruise from that to disappear.} Needless to say I was happy when I managed to get back in the wheel chair & he left me sitting in the hallway for someone to find.

That was just the morning of my second day in the hospital…I’ll tell you about the rest of my adventures in another entry.

 
 

The One Where I Go to the Hospital I

07 Aug

As my faithful readers know I have been battling some pretty intense pain & trouble with my gallbladder. On Monday (August 3rd) I woke up after having a very tough weekend and decided it was time to make a trip to the ER.  So I called in to work & then Abe loaded me into the truck to drive me to St. Luke’s in Duluth.

Upon arriving at St. Luke’s we made our way to the UrgentCare/ER portion of the hospital.  After filling out some paperwork & having my vitals checked I was given a cursory exam where it was determined that the emergency room was more suitable for my complaint.  I was given a gown (way too small to tie), told to strip & climb into bed.

One of the on-call doctors came in, asked me a bunch of questions & probed my very tender, sore right side.  I posited the idea that my gallbladder was the culprit (which I in fact believe it is).  The doctor then placed orders for a pelvic exam, a CT scan & an abdominal ultrasound.  I spent the next several hours lying in a hospital bed waiting for each new test & occasionally begging for pain medication.

I must say that the pain medication was given generously & I have no complaints that the staff did it’s very best to make me comfortable.  Accompanying the pain meds (Dilaudid) was an anti-nausea medication which was awesome because few things are worse than that nagging feeling you may just vomit in your mouth.

I should point out that I was put on IV saline almost immediately.  I hate needles, blood etc. as I am quite squeamish.  The nurse that placed the needle did a great job in spite of the fact I have extremely tiny veins (made smaller by the fact that I was cold, anxious, in pain & slightly dehydrated).  She placed the IV port on the first try & it was a relief to have it done with.

Now the doctor decided to do a pelvic exam as I was complaining of pain from my rib cage to my lower abdomen near the navel.  Now nobody truly enjoys a pelvic exam…they are awkward & if the person giving the exam is rushed they can be downright uncomfortable.  I don’t mind them too much as I know it’s a necessary part of being a healthy woman so I just let my mind drift off to something more pleasant (a vacation, a new book, a favorite song) & soon it’s over in no time at all.

I would like to mention that in setting up for the pelvic exam a nursing assistant was trying to find all the necessary tools so that when the doctor came in he could just go right to the exam without wasting time.  Everything was in the cart except for one small item–the flashlight.  Well the nurse who placed the IV needle (such an angel she was) seemed to know where it was & off she went to find it.  Being the ER she got sidetracked helping someone else (totally understandable) and so another lady came in to finish setting up the exam tray.  Upon finding that the flashlight was MIA this person proceeded to open and close ever drawer in the cart….and then she repeated opening, closing, opening, closing, opening, closing….well you get the idea.  Then she muttered to herself & wandered out.  Within five minutes she was back—opening, closing, opening, closing, opening, closing…the same 4 drawers over & over.  She wasn’t quiet about it either.  Now keep in mind that I’m lying in a bed, curled up in a ball becasue of the intense pain in my right side.  When she had started the first round of drawer banging my lovely husband told her that another nurse had looked in all the drawers, discovered the flashlight wasn’t present & had gone to look for it elsewhere.  The drawerbanger had acknowledged this statement & then proceeded to completely ignore it.  The more the drawers (full of metal equipment like speculums) rattled the more irritated I got.  My head started to pound & my stomach started to heave.  I asked her to be more quiet, Abe asked her to be more quiet…I finally demanded she be quiet…all to no avail.  I began to wonder aloud if maybe she thought if she opened & closed the drawers in the right order at a fast enough pace that a flashlight would magically appear.  Once I started to mutter about magic tricks sotto voce she got the hint & went elsewhere…I can only hope she didn’t decide to torture another patient with her magically disappearing medical instruments.

Well you can see that this is part one of my hospital adventures series.  There is much, much more to come as I’ve not even made it through the first day.  Please stay tuned for more– same bat time, same bat channel….until then be well & may you find Dilaudid in your cup when you need it most.

 
 

Strip Club Parking Lot

04 Jun

Coming back from our time in Kansas City we took an extra day so that we wouldn’t have to drive it all in a single day.  Plus it gave us some extra time to visit with my family.  We left my parents’ house about 3 in the afternoon and were making excellent time.  Our goal was to be home & relaxing by 8:30.  Then reality set in & well it ended up a bit different than we planned.  As we got about halfway home the Jeep began to make an awful noise & shimmy so badly we couldn’t keep driving.

We managed to slow down & get out of the way of traffic.  Then we pulled into the next available parking lot…at a strip club.  (Before ya’ll send me hate mail & nasty comments here let me just say if you want to go that’s all ya’lls deal…I’m just pointing out MY experience on a particular day at a particular time…)

So we got out, looked under the Jeep to see if we could spot anything.  Then Hubby got out the jack etc. so he could check to see if something was amiss with the new tires, brakes & CV axels. (We pinched & saved to do some fixing before taking the trip…it’s our only “vacation” in a very long time & we won’t be getting another for a long time.)  Nothing looked amiss so we slowly started back to the highway…now the grinding noise was much louder & the shaking started as soon as we hit the breath-taking speed of 5mph.  So we turned around again & backed into the parking space furthest from the door.

strip club parking lot

With no extra money we had to get creative on getting home & taking the Jeep (with all our stuff & 3 dogs) home.  So we called the only people we know with a car carrier…our pastor & his wife.  Yep that’s right…we made the call & soon Pastor S & his wife S were on their way to pick us up.  Of course that left us with 2+ hours to kill.

Since we didn’t have money going inside wasn’t an option (well that & several other reasons) so we sat in the Jeep, sweating in the late afternoon sun with 3 panting dogs….for 3 hours.  Oh did I mention that one of us was in desperate need of a bathroom?  Yep, that’s right…and again without money there was no way to avail myself of one.  Good thing I’ve got a rather remarkable ability to wait if need be ‘cuz it was about 12:30 AM when I finally got to use the bathroom.

I should mention now that I was NOT in a good mood.  We were all tired, hot (Jeep running=burning fuel we don’t need to burn.  Windows down=hummingbird-sized mosquitoes feasting on my flesh & blood) and of course I was dealing with the ever present gallbladder issues.  Couple that with an increasing need for a bathroom, seat fatigue & a growing anxiety about going to work & I was less than my occasionally cheerful self.

We did get to see a very nice sunset.

strip club parking lot sunsetanother look at the sunsetAnyway, our rescue arrived…and after a few minutes of loading the Jeep & strapping it down we were on our way.  I bet you’ve never called your pastor (rabbi, priest, shaman etc) to come rescue you from a strip club parking lot.

 
 
 
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