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She’s (FINALLY) Having A Baby!

11 Dec

I don’t even know where to start….life is moving in so many directions some days I don’t even know which way to turn. We’re supposed to be working hard packing for the move to South Dakota…I say supposed to because it is much easier to promise to do the packing later & go play with Pete, Anne & the boys or snuggle on the couch with a movie. After all it’s cold, cold, COLD here right now. Plus I’m just starting to get past the extreme nausea of the first trimester.

That’s right, you read that last sentence correctly…I’m pregnant!! I am entering my fourth month & am excited if really feeling the fatigue of all the changes. Abe has been wonderful taking care of me, helping me when I am too sick to do much & just generally being wonderful to me. He’s as excited as I am though of course he doesn’t say much.

It is truly an answer to many many prayers….we both were getting to the point where we didn’t really think that having a baby was going to happen. Now we are pleasantly surprised & shocked to find that parenthood will indeed be something we can participate in enjoying/lamenting.

Our little bundle (we won’t find out the sex….all we want is a healthy baby) will arrive on the tentative date of July 6th. We have lots to do to get ready but there’s still time. I will keep you updated on things as I feel like writing…one thing that I’ve noticed is that reading/writing/typing makes my nausea worse. Couldn’t be a more irritating thing since I love to read & would like to work on my writing since I’m not working right now. Still it is the best of all reasons so I’m trying not to get too frustrated with it.

It has been HARD keeping the news a “secret” (okay I totally told all my immediate family & some close friends right away) but we’ve decided to let the rest of the world in on the big news. I’m glad ‘cuz it was getting tricky trying to keep from making random comments about how sick I feel or how oddly weepy I get at things. Let me say that dealing with depression & pregnancy hormones really makes the old emotional roller coaster a true 5 alarm emergency some days. Still overall I’m working to keep calm & not be too self-critical (okay in my head I’m still too hard on me but I’m trying to give myself some grace) & most of all take care of myself. We shall see how I survive the next 6 months or so. I won’t even think about labor, delivery & afterwards yet.

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Posted in Baby Stuff, Family, I AM, Oh WOW!, The Life We Lead, What's in my Head

Seen Your Weiner or Why I Prefer Hooters

09 Nov

Lately life has been hectic & overwhelming to the point where I’m a hot mess. Recently I’ve been off work quite a bit (ok in the last 2 weeks I’ve worked a total of 5 days) and it has reinforced my need to be done at my current job. However I digress…this post is a review. As a recent music reviewer (which I so enjoyed & hope to do again) I now take pen in hand ….ok keyboard in hand…to give you a review of a new restaurant in Sioux Falls, SD. If you are looking for an adventure in eating I will admit that Señor Wiener is an adventure. However, it’s a frightening adventure filled with double entendre of the lowest caliber. There is nothing clever about the innuendo & even less cleverness in the menu.

Purporting to be a novelty hot dog restaurant this place lays on the schtick with a trowel. Wieners, wieners everywhere & no relief in sight (bring your R O L A I D S–just so you are prepared).

the front window

Now from the outside there’s room for a few snickers & groans at the over the top signs. Just inside the door is a large statue of Señor Wiener along with posters of our “hero” in iconic places/events. The menu is basic & has the potential to be pretty good & seemingly inexpensive. The offerings start with bratwurst, all beef hot dogs, corn dogs or Polish sausage. Choose your white or whole wheat bun & whether you want grilled, boiled or fried. For $2.50 it seems like a good deal…then the pick-pocketing begins. For every additional topping that’s hot (chili, cheese, grilled onions etc) or every cold topping (onions, pickles, peppers, shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, mushrooms, olives etc) it is an additional $.50 & sauces (mayo, hot sauce,barbecue sauce, gravy) are an additional $.25 with the exceptions of traditional ketchup & mustard. Seriously if you want a Chicago-style dog with all the fixings: onions, relish, tomato, kosher dill pickle & sport peppers your hot dog now costs $5.00 plus tax. Add in fries at $2.50 & a soda at $1.50 and you are looking at $9.00 plus tax for a very mediocre meal.

Now for the rest of the restaurant…okay I get why Señor Wiener is funny in the most sophomoric of ways. I mean the first time I heard it & saw it I snickered like a 13 year old. It’s funny but the over-the-top nature makes Hooters seem less absurd. Here’s a small taste of what I encountered ….

the booths

the bonfire accessories

using the bonfire accessories--umm YIKES!

for the girl with no shame

stating the obvious

stating the obvious 2.0

I don't know what he's doing but I don't want him parked in front of my house....

All in all I will take a trip to Hooters any day. Sure there’s more butt cheek on display there than I really care to see & if I wanted to look at that much cleavage I could do it for free at home but their wings are pretty damn tasty. If I am going to tolerate body parts (or pseudo body parts) with my meal I want something that is more like actual food & less like a chew toy for my dogs. Besides let’s be honest–I’d much rather have some hot girls serving my food than a snotty nosed teen with a wiener complex.

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Posted in Embarrassing stuff I make Abe do to entertain me., For the Love of Food, Oh WOW!, Out & About, Patently Ridiculous

Lake Itasca: Headwaters of the Mississippi

24 Sep

Okay no writing, just pictures of my day trip…one I’ve always wanted to make & finally did. ENJOY!

First Glimpse

It's how far to the Gulf of Mexico?

Lake Itasca flows into the mighty Mississippi

Lake Itasc00022-300x225.jpg

Crossing the headwaters

deciding which slippery rock to step on next

wading in the Mississippi with Arwen & Ranger

small rushing will become mighty

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Posted in Oh WOW!

All Signs Say “Huh”?

09 Sep

I’m going to tell you a little tale about a girl, the boy she loves, the job she has, the commission he is given & the villian who tries to dash their hopes & dreams.

This girl, Lin is an average looking girl with glasses. She loves Troy, a boy who works hard with his hands to provide for their life together. She works as an office girl: answering phones, greeting customers, writing letters & filing papers. He is a finish carpenter by trade (although he’s been out of work for a while) & a furniture maker. They live quite happily on a little acreage surrounded by giant pine trees with their dogs. It’s a mostly happy life filled with all the usual ups & downs.

One day Lin’s boss asks if Troy would be able to create a sign to hang on the front of the building. Lin says yes & her boss begins the long process of getting a design approved. Once the inital design is approved by Lin’s boss & also the bank that shares the building (the bank has to be in on everything as they think the world revolves around them) Troy gets to work. He spends many hours in his shop selecting the proper pieces of lumber & planing them down into smooth boards. Then Troy joined the boards together to make the signs. After months of waiting for a decision from the bank (they were given the task of choosing a font for the words) Lin made a decision. She urged the two businesses to use the same font as their logos– this was met with a great deal of surprise as it had not occurred to anybody else that this was an option. Lin & Troy had the local print shop make up the letters in the appropriate size & soon the letters were ready to be routered into the signs. Before making anything permanent Troy arranged the paper letters on the signs, took pictures & sent the files in for approval. After a month of waiting the bank finally reached an agreement (after much discussion & a vote of 3-2) & Troy was able to begin the task of actually putting the letters into the wood. During this process Lin asked what color the letters & signs should be. Nobody responded…but Lin was persistant & finally got the okay to use a nice forest green color for the letters & the rest would be left natural with a clear protective coating.

After months of work the signs were finally ready. Troy had worked many hours & carefully planned the project. He had made certain that each step was approved before continuing. Over all the project took 6 long months but looking at the finished product Lin & Troy were proud of the work. Since it was close to the end of summer so Troy made sure he got the signs mounted on the front & end of the building. He got it done just days before the town would be full of people for the annual town festival. It was hard work too. The big sign for the front of the builidng weighed in at nearly 300 pounds.

The day after Troy hung the signs he & Lin stopped by the building to deliver the invoices for the signs. When they arrived they saw 3 people standing at the front entrance looking up at the sign. Before getting out of the truck Lin said to Troy, “I’ll just bet they are complaining about something. You know how they are…if it wasn’t their idea or they didn’t do it then something must be wrong with it.”

Lin was right. As she walked into the building the people standing outside were busy trying to figure out how to “improve” the signs. When Troy came back from fueling up he walked right in blissful in his state of being totally unaware of what was waiting. It didn’t take long until this was shattered by multiple people suggesting ways to improve the signs to make them “pop” more. (One of the suggestors had been watching many home improvement shows on cable television.) Angered by the lack of appreciation at delivering a product that was exactly to the specifications requested Troy & Lin left and swore that if that’s how Troy’s hard work was going to be treated they would take the signs back.

The next day Lin had to work & she was prepared to do battle for the boy she loved. It made her feel sad & angry to see Troy’s hard work dismissed so easily. The two businesses had asked for signs that matched the log building that housed them. They wanted something nice yet not too modern so that it didn’t look incongruous with the surroundings. Troy had obliged with a beautiful wooden design…now the same people who commissioned the work were saying it wasn’t at all what they thought it would be. When Lin’s boss arrived that day he immediately brought up the signs. Lin was cautious & curt with her answers at first. Finally she told her boss how upset & hurt Troy had been at the seeming disregard for all his hard work. Lin said that it was beyond rude to treat someone in that fashion. How would he feel if after putting in hard work to create something based on a vague design there was nothing but criticism? Lin’s boss thought about that & agreed that the presentation of questions & suggestions could have been handled in a nicer manner. Lin also let it be known that Troy was so upset he had insisted on working the night before to correct some minor alignment issues so he wouldn’t be subjected to more opinions on what wasn’t “right” with the sign. After more discussion Lin’s boss said that he thought the signs were actually quite nice & that the craftsmanship of the signs was indeed very good. While there could have been some things done differently with the design it wasn’t anything that was critical to the appearance & that next time Lin’s boss would have a better idea of what to ask for when having a sign made.

Lin passed all of this on to her beloved Troy & the two of them felt appeased. They set off for a long weekend content that the drama had been resolved. Little did they know what the next week had in store for them. It was just as well they didn’t because it would have ruined the relaxing weekend in the country. After the weekend Lin went back to work & Troy went back to his shop. Their lives fell into its regular rhythm. Lin stopped in to ask when they could expect the payment from the bank for their portion of the signs. It was with great dismay & anger that Lin learned the bank president had made it known that the sign invoice was not to be paid until the owner of the bank (and Lin’s office) approved the signs. Lin was shocked & nearly in tears…how could she pay the bills? The rent was due and Lin had counted on that payment. With Troy essentially unemployed her small income wasn’t enough to take care of everything. Troy’s work on the signs & some upcoming projects were their only hope of making it. Lin’s mind raced as she tried to adjust to the news & not cry right there. After a moment she looked at the lady who had reluctantly shared the news. ”Please let Prez SL know then that I will not be paying my rent until the signs are approved”, Lin bit the inside of her lip to keep her voice from cracking. Finished with her errand at the bank Lin stalked across the hall, past her desk & into her boss’s office. She explained the dilemma that she & Troy were now in. Lin’s boss was so pissed off when he heard that the bank was refusing to pay on something they had approved already that he marched over to the bank. Unfortunately the prez was with a customer but Lin’s boss did talk to the VP & came back reassuring Lin that the bank would indeed pay & in a timely manner. Lin felt a bit better that she had more people in her corner. The longer Lin thought about the matter the more steely her resolve became. She was risking not only her job but also her home going toe to toe with the bank president. Of course when weighed against the hurt Troy would be caused if the bank got away with refusing to pay Lin knew that nothing was too great a risk….

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Posted in I AM, Oh WOW!, Patently Ridiculous, Story, The Life We Lead, What's in my Head, Work/Job Stuff

The One Where I Go to the Hospital–Final Chapter?

23 Aug

When last we were together our heroine was cruising along on a cocktail of pain meds & sedation drugs. Snowmen were being annihilated by her ever efficient flicks (‘cuz let’s face it snowmen are creepy…with their hollow black eyes & that inane empty smile).

Meanwhile the doctors were still stumped as to what was causing all the pain. After a battery of tests (all of which came back normal–see it’s a medically proven fact that I’m normal) and no answers I was more than a little upset. Not to mention that nobody bothered to tell me what the test results were. One of my nurses was super great (all of them were so nice to me) and filled me in on the parts she knew so I had the barebones idea that nothing big was showing up in the test results. Since there didn’t seem to be any answers the doctors (I had 2 surgeons, an internist, a gastroenterologist, an ob/gyn & her med student and a general physician) came by my room every day to see how I was feeling. This mostly consisted of asking how I was feeling (horrible & in pain) & then probing & pushing down on my right side asking if it hurt (Of course if bloody well hurts…holy grief that’s why I came into the ER in the first place. The dull aching pain from my rib cage to my hip coupled with the sharp stabbing pains in the area of the rib cage).

What did they think I was going to change my mind? Did it look like I was having fun?? Okay, I’ll admit that for the first 15-30 minutes after getting a brand new dose of Dilaudid I was pretty happy. Seriously with that stuff you could do whatever you wanted to me & I wouldn’t have objected….well I might have objected but probably not very hard. In any case Thursday was a day of waiting. I was waiting for the second surgeon to look over my charts & then visit me. It never happened. I spent the day drifting in and out of consciousness….I was so tired! Abe sat with me and when I was awake we talked, watched some telly & played on the interwebz. I was feeling pretty dejected by the time Abe left on Thursday night. We talked it over & agreed that if something wasn’t decided by Friday that I was checking out & going home.

Friday dawned with me in a stupor. A week of fitful sleep & much poking by nurses, aides & doctors left much to be desired. We waited all day for the second surgeon to come visit. In fact we waited most of the day for the general physician to visit. By the time they both showed up I was in probably the worst pain I’d had all week. Still they both examined me (by that I mean asked how I felt & then poked me where it hurt) & then decided that since there was no solid conclusion to why I was in pain etc that they would send me home with some prescriptions. So on Friday evening the nurse gave me an extra dose of pain meds, removed the IV & wheeled me down to the entrance. I had just spent 5 days in the hospital (without insurance) and the only thing I had to show for it was a hospital bill that I’m terrified of getting in the mail.

Thus ends the tale of my week in hospital. Putting the events to screen here makes me even more aware of how irritated I am that I have no answers. While the doctors did acknowledge that maybe my gallbladder isn’t functioning as well as it should they still don’t believe it’s causing the problems I’ve described. So I’m doing the best I can with what I know. I’m careful to eat very little & very specific kinds of food…like I can have lean meat (which I try to stick to anyway) or a chicken breast, I can eat Cheerios. I do know that if I cut out all the fat in my diet that I’m just as likely to have a gallbladder attack as I would if I ate a pound of bacon. The research I’ve been doing says that even with surgery I only have a 60% chance of feeling better. HA! No thanks, I think I’ll try something else first. I don’t mind changing my diet more…it’s something I need to do anyway. What I do mind is the idea of never enjoying food again…so I’m being more careful but allowing for little indulgences. I’m searching out alternative medicine such as acupuncture & acupressure along with stuff I may not have discovered yet. Modern medicine seems to be more about treating the symptoms (my pain) than eliminating the cause of it. Not to mention the cost of modern medicine. I’m not saying that doctors shouldn’t be paid well. I am saying that it’s beyond outrageous that a consultation with an ob/gyn that lasts less than 20 minutes should not cost $245. Seriously, that’s the one bill I already received….she spoke to me for less than 20 minutes & worked in a quick pelvic exam while she was at it & for that she gets $245. I’m not including the cost of any tests (mostly because she didn’t give me any) or lab work.

An side note to the hospital stay…I wish someone would have told me that I would feel like grim death after I left. It doesn’t seem right that I felt even worse when I left than when I went in. Saturday I did nothing but sleep with the odd trip to the bathroom thrown in. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to walk the 15 feet from my side of the bed to the bathroom & back. Sunday wasn’t much of an improvement… I slept through my nephews 4th birthday party. I’m feeling more like myself now…still with the pain but I choose to ignore it the best I can. What the future holds is anybody’s guess…right now I’m trying to get out & enjoy what’s left of my summer.

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Posted in Oh WOW!, Out & About, Patently Ridiculous, What's in my Head

The One Where I Go to the Hospital III

22 Aug

On the last episode of “When Gallbladders Attack” I was just getting back to my room from the hida scan. We shall pick up when I arrived back in my room.

Once back in my room I was given more water (so delicious & soothing when your mouth feels like you’ve licked pavement) and promised ginger ale. I was without my IV at the time since the one that I’d had put in on Monday was very painful & my hand and arm had gotten quite swollen. After a few minutes a member of the IV team came in to start a new IV for me. She did a great job & got it in on the first jab.

I don’t really remember much else except that I got a visit from my brother-in-law Pete & his family. As always it was great to see them & so kind that they came to check on me. I got a lovely bouquet of roses from them which brightened up the institutional feeling of the place.

my bouquet of roses while I was in hospital

After my visitors left (I so enjoyed seeing them but having that many people in the room was a lot of work. It’s hard to keep to small boys (one age 4 and the other age 10 months) entertained at the best of times…it’s even more difficult in a hospital.) I think I slept a little. My memory starts to get a little fuzzy about details from this point on. I do know that Abe leaving was just as difficult for me (as it was every night that week). I also know that I spent time on Twitter keeping those wonderful friends updated on how I was doing.

I have to point out that I am so thankful & appreciative of all those who did their best to cheer me up & keep tabs on me thru Twitter. What a blessing in a time where I felt terribly isolated. Not knowing what was/is wrong (although I’m sure it’s my gallbladder I haven’t been “officially” diagnosed) and lying in that room alone was terrifying. There really aren’t words to let all those people (some who I met for the first time while in hospital) know how much that meant to me. Thank you again to everybody on Twitter who chatted with me. You were good medicine for my soul. Some of them went above & beyond…they know who they are & how I feel about them.

Wednesday I was off food & liquids again for some more fun tests. I got the fun of a pelvic ultrasound (I’m not going into details on this one…if you know what I’m talking about then I’m sorry ‘cuz they are more awkward than a traditional gyn exam. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then count yourself lucky.) plus a second gyn exam & and EGD. The EGD is worth telling about…I was quite amusing from what I’ve gathered from other sources.

For the EGD (it’s a scope stuck down your throat into your stomach) I was taken down to the surgery section of 4West. The got me settled on the table in the room & got me hooked to the blood pressure monitor and heart monitor. I also got a toasty warm blanket tucked around me as I was freezing (I was cold all the time while I was there). By this time I had such a cocktail of meds that I drifted in & out of sleep at random. I think I have a pretty good idea what being narcoleptic must be like. Anyway, I fell asleep on the table & the nurses had to wake me up to get me prepped. I was not an easy patient although it wasn’t on purpose. I simply could not stay awake. Finally the did get me rolled onto my right side, the oxygen in my nose (which I wouldn’t stop touching ‘cuz it felt so weird so they finally pinned my arms down with the blanket) & the mouth guard (so I wouldn’t accidently bite the scope) in. I very vaguely remember some lady telling me they were going to sedate me. The next thing I remember is asking if we were done. I asked this question at least 10 times…I’d fall asleep again & couldn’t remember what was going on. Then as I was headed back to my room someone decided to take me to 6West. Fortunately one of my nurses saw me before I could get carted up to floors…I would have really freaked out had I woken up there. I made it back to my room with a team of 4 people. These were the lucky ones that got to help transfer me from the bed I was in to the bed in my room. The two beds were put as close together as possible with a plastic body board slanted between them. I then got the option to slide down myself or have them help. Feeling adventurous I quite giddily decided to slide….much to the amusement of all present. Apparently I felt the need to “Wheeeee!” as I slid down into my bed. I also managed to get quite tangled in my length of IV hose.

Not long after that little bit of comedy my brother-in-law Pete popped in to check on me. He was working & had a transfer from Cloquet to Duluth (he’s a firefighter & paramedic) so he took a couple minutes to see me. I don’t remember much of that except for him hugging me good-bye…I patted his face several times with both hands….ah well what can I say I was pretty drugged up. Abe has also informed me (I have NO recollection of the following events) that I hollered at Abe for not using the television remote properly & demanding that it be handed to me. I also got quite animated & very angry about all the snowmen that were populating the room. {Abe says I was creeped out by snowmen in August.} In the imperious manner that only I can have when impaired by drugs (or alcohol) I announced that the snowmen were bothering me & that flicking them was the only way to make them disappear. I then proceeded to demonstrate & apparently had some success in disbanding the little creatures as I did calm down. (Every time I mention the snowmen Abe’s gets a very funny look on his face & he laughs.)

I have so much more to tell but it’ll keep a bit longer…I’ll fill you all in on the rest of my stay & what I think of the whole crazy business in another post. (That is of course if you still want to read it…I promise to write about something else very soon.)

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Posted in Oh WOW!, Out & About, Patently Ridiculous, The Life We Lead

The One Where I Go to the Hospital II

22 Aug

So a few posts back I gave a recounting of my visit to ER & admission to the hospital. It went smoothly (no big scary horror stories about not getting treatment or aid) and I was soon ensconsed in my own ER room, carefully tucked in with a wonderful IV & pain meds. I dozed a lot lying there…I hadn’t slept very well in the preceeding days plus the combo of drugs made me sleepy. Abe sat in the room with me — for 7 long hours… I’m sure he was bored out of his mind (I know he was worried too) though I kept asking him how he was, if he needed anything. I also remember apologizing A LOT for being sick & asking to go to the hospital (not to mention the fretting I did over not taking the time to shave my legs before we left home).

So after several exams, lots of waiting & no answers I was admitted to the hospital. They wheeled me up to 4West and into room 403. There I answered about 5,000 questions (well I tried…I was after all on a pharmacy worth of meds) about my health history. I remember asking the nurse (who was VERY patient) to repeat some of the questions several times. Fortunately Abe was able to help out with the answers. I also managed to get a different gown…I went from one that was too small to one what could have been used as a circus tent for the Lollipop Kids.

Once settled in I finally got some water which I’d been asking for all day but was allowed because of the tests. Abe & I just hung out for a while but eventually it was getting to be late & he still had to drive home. I never like saying good-bye to Abe. Lying there in that hospital bed, saying good-bye & watching Abe walk out the door was one of my least favorite moments. Part of me wanted nothing more than to pitch a hysterical crying fit & make him stay with me. Knowing that would be far too selfish I waited to do most of my crying until after I was sure he was gone. (Besides there was no way Abe could sleep in the one chair all night & the bed was too small for both of us. Plus the dogs needed to be fed, watered & let out for a run.)

I passed a less than restful night Monday night. Tuesday morning started with a visit from someone taking more vials of blood for testing & another individual checking my vitals. I drifted back to semi-sleep for a while. As I was having a hida scan on Tuesday sometime I was not allowed to eat. (I’ll explain a hida scan in a bit) Now I knew I was having a hida scan & that there’s no food beforehand….but that didn’t stop at least 3 people from trying to give me a breakfast tray. I told the first person I was not allowed food because of the test. They said ok & left. A few minutes later a second person tapped on the door & asked if I wanted breakfast. I declined in a somewhat grouchy manner although I did my best to be polite. When the third person came barging in with the breakfast tray I refused it in a less polite & intensely more grouchy manner. The third person argued with me, demanding that I should eat. I brusquely explained that I was not allowed to eat because I was scheduled for a hida scan. Person #3 (most likely thinking I was crazed with medication) huffed out of the room & returned with my nurse who (fortunately for me) backed me up on the no food allowed. The tray was then quickly removed & I was left in peace. Abe arrived shortly thereafter & I was very happy not to be alone with the crazed breakfast gang.

After a while I was wheeled down to nuclear medicine for my hida scan. The hida scan is a terribly uncomfortable test. First you are strapped to a narrow metal table. I do mean strapped as there must be no movement for the duration (about an hour) of the test. Then you are injected with a radioactive dye. After that you lie still in a very uncomfortable & artificial position while a giant machine is moved over you & takes pictures of your gallbladder. The dye slowly fills up the gallbladder & then spills into the small intestine…once that happens a second drug is administered which makes the gallbladder contract. This is where it gets incredibly painful (at least for me). For the next 6-15 minutes (depending on the person giving the test) you feel as if your insides are being squeezed through a bendy, swirly straw. Did I mention that you’ll want to curl up in the fetal position, curse the doctor & then die…’cuz that is exactly what you can’t do–because you are strapped down.

When I was finally unstrapped & allowed to sit up I barely managed to slide down off the table. {oh yeah, me = 5′ 2″…I needed a step stool to climb onto it. The geriatric man who administered the test neglected to aid me in getting down. This is the same man when told that I needed an new IV (the first one infiltrated) and that it’s quite hard to find a vein proceeded to stick me on the inside of my left elbow & dig around ’til he hit a vein…it took until just this past week for the bruise from that to disappear.} Needless to say I was happy when I managed to get back in the wheel chair & he left me sitting in the hallway for someone to find.

That was just the morning of my second day in the hospital…I’ll tell you about the rest of my adventures in another entry.

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Posted in Oh WOW!, Out & About, Patently Ridiculous, The Life We Lead

June 16, 1993

16 Jun

Mom called me tonight with a bit of poetic circumstance…apparently my hometown area is under a severe weather warning–specifically a tornado warning. Now unless you are VERY familiar with my life this statement will seem quite random. Allow me to elucidate.

On a hot, muggy June morning in 1993 I woke up & went off to my summer nanny job. I spent all day with the kids & we had a couple of tornado watches throughout the day. The sky was that two-day old bruise color…faint blue with mottled green & dark purple. Angry heavy clouds swirled in every direction & every so often you’d see a finger of darker cloud push toward the ground. As the afternoon wore on the sky lightened to a yellow-greenish color & the clouds thinned a bit. We got news that two towns (Chandler, MN & Lake Wilson, MN) not far away were almost completely destroyed by tornados in the afternoon.

I got home from work & helped out around the house (hey this is my story so if I say I helped I did…truth is I probably went to my room & read) ate supper & who knows what else. I do know that by 9:30 or so I was ensconsed in my room (lying on my stomach in bed) reading. I was starting to think it was time to take my contacts out when suddenly the power went out (it was about 10:30). I got up off the bed & looked out my south window which faced the yard.

As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw something straight out of a movie… a calf hut (a large white poly dome structure for keeping baby calves penned up…keeps them healthier than if in a community pen) was moving across the yard at a rapid pace. Oh yeah & it was a couple feet off the ground. I could hear yelling downstairs so I turned & vaulted my bed without touching it (I’m 5’2″, it was a queen-size bed…I discovered later that I put my heel throuth the window yet managed not to get cut.) & flew down the stairs. Dad was keeping an eye on the storm while Mom was grabbing my baby sister (who is nearly 21 now) & I headed back upstairs to wake my 4 brothers. My sister M was helping Mom & we were all to meet in the basement. I got TJ, Dan & Robert grouped together & pointed downstairs. Andy was asleep so I flung him over my shoulder & headed for what I thought was the stairs. In all the confusion I got turned around & nearly ended up going back into my room. I ran into the door frame & whipped around it onto the stairs. I don’t think my feet really touched them but I know I jumped at least half way down when I heard a window get blown out somewhere in the second story.

As I pelted through the kitchen I handed Andy over to M & grabbed my youngest sister as Mom held her over the railing to the basement. We flew to the relative safety of the southwest corner & huddled there crying & scared. Mom joined us & Dad checked in on us a bit before creeping up to lie on the landing & peer out the screen door window. One of the basement windows blew open, ripping the latches right off so I jumped up & stood bracing both arms across it to keep stuff from blowing in.

(As I write this I am reliving it all in slow motion…in fact everything took far less time than it is taking me to type it up.)

Then just as quickly as the storm began it was calm & almost deathly silent. We were all shocked by the sudden cessation of noise. When people describe the sound of a tornado as comparable to a freight train they aren’t kidding. It’s as close to a good description as I’ve got. The howling of the wind coupled with the grinding, breaking, cracking, tearing sounds of all you own being battered by a force of nature is beyond clear comprehension unless you’ve been there first hand.

Slowly we emerged from the basement; everybody moved into the living room & huddled on the sofa. Dad, Mom & I cautiously poked our heads outside to survey the damage. Dad went to check on the barn & dairy cattle. Mom & I were horrified to see that one wall of the garage (which was maybe 6 feet from the house) had been peeled back like a banana skin & the roof and fallen down on Dad’s truck. The power line from the pole to the house had been ripped out & was tangled in a group of trees on the far side of the garage.

Dad came back–he was shocked & crying–the barn was gone. It was nothing but a pile of match sticks. One corner of the barn was resting on top of the milk tank & the rest was as flat as if it had been steamrolled. Thankfully the cows were out in the pasture or we’d have lost every one of them.

As we wandered back inside I headed to the bathroom to remove my contacts by candle light. As I turned from the sink I glanced out the window into the back yard. My scream brought everybody running. Our row of pine trees was gone. The first was snapped off jaggedly at about 6′ and the last in the row was cleanly cut off right at ground level.

The local sheriff showed up at one point to check on us & see if there were any survivors…we were beyond jubilant to report that there were no injuries to any of us. It was a less than restful night when we all finally laid down for some sleep…

Daylight revealed the full extent of the destruction: a swath of debris lay the entire length of our farm & some 2 miles beyond. Wagon & tractor frames were bent from the force of the winds. We found all manner of bizarre things that are typical in any story of a tornado. Still we counted the things that had survived without lasting damage; namely each member of the family.

Things were difficult & it took a few months to figure out what direction the family would end up following. Oddly enough the path of destruction led to the farm where we moved and my folks still live. I guess the most difficult thing was I had a pretty good idea how bad things were (oh did I forget to mention that we also got hailed out about 2 days after the tornado…yep almost all our crops were destroyed too) & yet didn’t have the means to help. But that’s something to be discussed at another time (maybe).

Which brings me back to the phone call from Mom…when she called to say they were under a tornado warning the last 16 years vanished in a backward rush. It was like being sucked backwards in some fancy movie special effect to that dark hallway at the top of the stairs with my sleeping brother over one shoulder & the feeling that the world was being ripped apart. One thing that has been a lasting effect is that often when a wild storm is approaching you can find me standing outside, head thrown back to track the clouds in their race toward almost certain mayhem.

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Posted in Family, I AM, Memories, Oh WOW!, The Life We Lead, What's in my Head

Help! I’m 92 & I Need to Flatten My Stomach

13 May

It’s that time again folks…yup, I’ve got a rant & it’s a doozy. This rant has nothing to do specifically with bras so you can relax. I’m not going to discuss my cleavage today. However, I am going to talk about women, their bodies & what the hell is wrong with people!

Mom called me the other night to relate the following story. She & my younger sister B went to visit my 92 year old grandmother. Grandma J does pretty well by herself although she is more forgetful than she used to be. Grandma still does a little (very little) driving, washes her clothes (at 5 am every Saturday, don’t try to use the machines then…she’ll cut you), and all the various other chores that a woman who lived her life working hard finds to keep herself busy.
(Yes those are stacks of bodice ripper paperbacks in the back closet. No you may not read them as she will be passing them along to the next old lady in her reading circle.) Anyway, Mom & B were visiting Grandma J and they were visiting in the living room. Grandma started to complain about how she feels, her health (remarkably excellent for 92), and her appearance.

Grandma’s specific complaint…Her stomach isn’t flat enough. Yes that’s right ladies…all that insecurity you feel over the flatness of your tummy is being felt by a woman in her 90s. She has lived through WWII, the Great Depression, the 60s, the death of family & friends, financial difficulties, raising kids, working on a farm (I could go on for ages with this) & yet her worry is whether or not her stomach is flat.

Of course I understand the desire to look good…and who doesn’t want one of those impossibly flat stomachs with nary a ripple or spot of unsightly flab. Still it disgusts me that we women are so conditioned by our culture that an elderly woman is trying to find the perfect exercise to achieve this impossible dream. Seriously! We live in a society where women who do not fit a specific ideal are treated like lower class citizens. As a height challenged, non-stick person I’ve learned that I can expect less from the general world than my tall, semi-stick acquaintances. It’s something I struggle with a lot–and yes I should put down this delicious croissant & cup of coffee with cream– but I’m too busy indulging in the sensory delights of fluffy, buttery delight chased with the dark creamy flavor of South American caffiene.

One thing this “ideal” doesn’t even come close to considering is basic genetics. It is impossible for all of us to be a perfect 5’8″, 110 lb stick person. As far as I’m concerned it’s good we aren’t all this “ideal”…(that’s not to say that sometimes I don’t curse my looks) I mean the world would be an awfully dull place if there wasn’t some variety. Can you imagine what it would be like if we only had one kind of tree? Just imagine if the only tree were a 30′ white pine. Or what if there was only 1 flower…only pansies (I love panises by the way. They hold a very special place in my heart & on my body). Creation would indeed be a very dull, dreary place if we determined to make everything fit some “ideal” that was randomly decided upon & then sold to the world at large as the way it should be.

I know so many women who are beautiful in their own unique ways. It really has very little to do with their physical appearance or at least JUST their physical appearance. There is much to be said for character, brains & a wacky sense of humor. I’ve known many women who had the physical ideal down solid…looking at them is breathtaking. It’s almost hard to belive they are real people…and after talking to them for 5 seconds I feel my own IQ plummeting like the stock market on Black Monday.

Back to Grandma J for a bit though…This is a woman who has trouble bending over & can’t touch her toes (it’s ok, she’s elderly & we don’t want her putting a hip out). However, in a bid to attain that flat tummy she will lie down on her living room floor & work on crunches. I’m 60 years younger than she is & I won’t do that. (Yep I don’t have a flat stomach.) It seems ridiculous to me that by the time I reach my 90s there is a distinct possibility that I will feel the need to follow this behaviour.

Kudos to Grandma J for attempting it though, she’s a better woman than I am. Of course she puts up with a lot more than I ever would. She had a colonoscopy not that many years ago ‘cuz they wanted to be sure they caught an cancer “early”. Really?!?!?!?! At 80+ years old she had a colonoscopy. At 91 she had a mammogram (see my post on that here). I’m sure by the time she reaches 95 (if we are lucky enough to have Grandma J around that long) she’ll need a complete face lift, a tummy tuck (‘cuz the crunches aren’t working) & some laser eye surgery.

So tell me what you think….let’s see some comments on this. (I’m going to be avoiding the mirror as I don’t want to think about crunches & I can’t seem find a single thing about me that isn’t in need of a major overhaul. If I don’t look in the mirror I can lie to myself that I’m a cute girl with some kickin’ curves & some awesome cleavage…Now where did that 1 bra that fit me go???)

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Posted in Family, Oh WOW!, Patently Ridiculous, The Life We Lead

Homicide Investigation

19 Mar

This is quite a long story & it requires some background for those of you who don’t know me. Bear with me because the truth is in fact much, much stranger than fiction…

We live in a small town in northern Minnesota. We moved to the house we now live in on January 1st, 2006. It’s a small one story house on 17 acres right on the city limits. We are recessed off the highway & have many trees surrounding us so we aren’t visible from the road. We really like it here & wish we could buy it. At the time we moved in Hubby was commuting to the Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) every week for work. He would leave around 4 am on Monday & be home in the late afternoon on Friday. I hated it but there wasn’t another choice. Of course that meant I had to deal with everything on my own….house, yard, dogs, work…and a homicide investigation.

It was late March or early April & I was at work. I was in the back when I heard an authoritative male voice up front ask for me. I nervously walked around the filing cabinets & was confronted by a tall man with gray hair dressed in solid black. He had a large walkie-talkie on one side of his belt & a very large gun on the other. He brandished a sheaf of papers at me & asked if we could talk somewhere private. The man introduced himself as a detective with the Minnesota BCA (Bureau of Criminal Apprehension) & explained the papers were a search warrant for my house, yard & outbuildings. Needless to say I was stunned. He explained that I had to go with him immediately as there was a search team waiting for me to clear out of my house. I was offered the opportunity to stay at the local hotel (which wouldn’t take my dogs) or find a friend’s house. I went back to my desk, grabbed my purse & keys & followed the detective out to my house with a county deputy behind me.

(Some quick background on the why of all this. In November 2006 a local man went missing. He was last seen north of town on Halloween night. His body was found near the road in early March 2007. He was without clothing etc. Foul play was immediately suspected. A local couple were the last people to see him alive. The couple are often in trouble with the law for various reasons. The local couple was hired to clean up & repaint our house to work off some money they owed our landlord. The BCA believed that the couple were using our house as a base for drugs during the time it was supposed to be getting cleaned & repainted. The BCA believed that an argument over drugs is what caused the homicide.)

As I pulled into my driveway I saw a team of about 12 people all dressed in black satin baseball jackets standing the middle of the yard. All of them looked anxious. My 2 dogs were freaking out inside, running around, hitting the patio door and barking. I managed to squeeze through the front door with a deputy right on my heels. I rounded up the dogs & got them into the car. Then back into the house with 2 deputies to follow my every move. Seems they suspected that the local man who had been missing & subsequently found dead had been murdered in my house. The sheaf of papers I now took the time to read said the BCA was looking for evidence including but not limited to human tissue, blood, hair and many other things. I had to pack up & leave for 3 days. They would call me when I was allowed back.

I was bawling by this time. Home alone with no possibility of Hubby coming back early, kicked out of my house & now possibly having tampered with evidence in a homicide case (although they assured me I couldn’t have known that so they were going to follow me while I packed to make sure I didn’t disturb anything further….of course we had been living in the house for just over 3 months so I’m sure any evidence was already gone)

Now I am trying to think what all I will need for 3 days (plus anything I don’t want a bunch of strange men pawing through), crying hysterically and being followed around my house. Part of me wanted to wander in circles just to see what the officers would do…the rest of me was afraid I’d have a stroke. As I’m about to walk from the bedroom into the adjoining bathroom one of the deputies starts to follow…he did pause for a split second to make sure I wasn’t going to use it. I grabbed my toiletries & threw them in the suitcase. I tried to think about clothes for work. I had a heck of a time trying to determine the amount of underwear that I would need. Not to mention trying to keep the officers from seeing it. (By the way, very uncomfortable pulling your delicates out of drawers while strangers watch….also, it’s hard not to feel judged on your choices.)

I finally managed to pack what seemed like an adequate wardrobe (I was grossly mistaken I found out later) & get everything out to the car. The deputies did help me carry stuff which was nice. As I drove out of the driveway I could see the doors being propped open & a swarm of black flooding into my home, my haven, my quiet place.

I drove to a friend’s house where I proceeded to become more distraught at the thought of a man’s life having ended brutally in my house. After calming down a bit I looked in my suitcase to discover I had packed no pajamas, 2 bags of coffee beans, no socks, 3 times the underwear I would need in a month, 2 pairs of heels, some work clothes & miscellaneous stuff I couldn’t possibly need in 3 days.

I did drive out to the house late afternoon on day 2 just to peek in the windows. I was appalled at what I saw. All my bedroom furniture etc was piled in my living room like so much stuff at the dump. Too heartsick & scared to look further I left.

Finally on day 3 the detective heading up the investigation stopped by my office in the afternoon to return my keys, have me sign a paper & inform me that they had indeed found evidence in my bedroom. He promised to keep me posted & that he would send someone over to repair the one wall.

Reluctantly I went home that night to my barely put together house. I vacuumed the carpets, made the bed & snuggled with the dogs. I did my best to ignore the two gaping holes in the west wall where the BCA had cut the drywall out as evidence. It took a couple weeks to get the patching done & the wall repainted. I had the painter use an accent color since there was no way we were going to be able to match the rest of the room. It took considerably longer for me to feel comfortable sleeping in a room where a man had been shot & killed. For a long time (and I’m still not totally comfortable with it) I was almost completely unable to go outside alone after dark. I had to stand w/my back pressed to the side of the house. Sometimes I felt I could see the outline of a man standing off shed in my backyard. I did determine (and with God’s help have managed) that I was not going to let fear ruin my haven here. I am thankful to still feel safe here in this house. We enjoy our time here & the privacy it offers. My prayer is that one day the people responsible for this horrendous act will be brought to justice.

There still have not been any arrests in connection with this case. The evidence that was found (a blood pool seeped into the concrete under my carpet & blood splatter on the drywall) was not enough without the weapons (a shotgun & some sort of blunt instrument) to get arrest warrants. The police believe the body may have been stored in a building across the road from our house until it was dumped by the road that March. When people start to talk about a “bad day at work” I have been known to say “Unless you got served with a search warrant in connection with a homicide investigation, followed by an officer while packing your underwear, kicked out of your house while people rummaged through everything & then discovered somebody was shot in your bedroom it wasn’t so bad.”

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Posted in I should be in therapy, Oh WOW!, Patently Ridiculous

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