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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Family Bonds

31 Aug

Life has an odd way about it.  The threads that weave our existence are varied in color & texture yet there are so many similarities among us.  The foundations of our experiences my happen at different stages but celebration, mourning & the emotions that come with them are universal.  Family (in its many forms) is one commonality with which we all deal.

You’re probably wondering what brought all this on…the short answer is death.  The long answer is seeing two people whom I know (one is a cousin, the other is a friend on Twitter) deal with the loss of family members over the past two weeks.  My cousin lost her husband; my friend a sister.  Two vastly different situations on the surface yet I see this faint connection in family bonds (or lack thereof).

My cousin had a hard life growing up. I won’t go into details but I will say that she lost her mom when she was in her early teens.  For reasons that are complex she & her younger sister moved in with my family.  As you can imagine there was plenty of conflict.  The extended family has issues aplenty as well so that didn’t help the situation.  My cousin is now in her 20s, a mom of two beautiful children & going to school.  She built a life (and family) for herself where she feels secure.  That security was badly damaged recently when her husband died last week.  It was a sudden loss; one that wasn’t exactly expected though we all knew it was possible (her husband had sickle-cell anemia).

As I kept up with my cousin via Facebook I saw an outpouring of love from people I don’t know but who obviously care deeply for my cousin.  Family (blood relatives–uncles, aunts, cousins) also expressed their sympathies for the loss.  Several of them expressed their intent to attend the funeral as a show of support.  However, there was a pre-planned family weekend…all the aunts & uncles were getting together.  Since this weekend had been planned for a year suddenly nobody was free to attend the funeral.  I can’t begin to express my irritation at that attitude.  Yes, there has been plenty of turmoil & whatnot.  Still how much would really have been missed by taking a couple hours out of a weekend to support a niece in the middle of a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching tragedy?

While I was hearing/seeing this play out in my family I also listened to a friend on Twitter as she grieved the loss of a sister.  Again in this instance family turmoil (to put it mildly) is making a time of sorrow that much more difficult.  Rather than rehashing my friend’s tale in my own poor words I encourage you to go here & read what she has to say.

The point of my post is that family bonds are what we make of them.  Both my cousin & my friend have created their own families.  When faced with the option of being part of dealing with blood relatives that are less than congenial or finding their own way they both chose the 2nd option.  This has allowed them to surround themselves with a “family” of people who may or may not be related by blood but are definitely related by love. Not only have they created a family structure that fits their needs but they value themselves enough to know it is necessary.

What family bonds do you cultivate?  What family bonds have you replaced? For me I cultivate the bonds with my immediate family & Abe’s family.  I have added in people who are like sisters.  There are some bonds–like those of my grandparents who are no longer living that can never be replaced.

 
 

Family Reunion 2010

24 Aug

This past weekend we attended my family reunion in New Ulm, MN.  We’ve had the Lee family (my maternal grandmother & her brothers et al) reunion as long as I can remember.  I talked about it in this post.

We haven’t gone in the past few years as it was a long trip for a few short hours.  This year we are closer & we were anxious to show off Magnus to the extended family.  There weren’t many people in attendance & unfortunately it appears that this will be the last year we have the reunion.  I’m saddened by this…so many of my childhood summer memories are tied up with this event.  I would love for my child (and my nieces/nephews) to have a similar experience.  However, the family circle has drifted to all corners of the country & a yearly reunion just isn’t feasible.  It remains to be seen what will happen. In the meantime I got a few pictures that I really want to share from this year.

 
 

A Little Night Music

19 Aug

Last week was the regional fair.  There were a lot of musical acts performing & we decided to check out the Friday night concert.  Lifehouse was the main act with The Spill Canvas as the opening act.

The Spill Canvas is a local band that I was just introduced to a couple weeks before the concert.  After listening to their new album I was very excited to see them live.  I’ve been aware of Lifehouse for several years & so we decided that this would be a great time to take Magnus to his first concert.  (Okay his first concert since he was born.  We attended RockFest 2010 in Kansas City, MO this past May.  He bumped & grooved in my belly throughout that event.)

Anyway here are some photos of us in the grandstand before the concert. Enjoy!

 
 

The Birth of Magnus Troy

19 Jul

When we last saw our heroine she was lying in an extremely hard birthing bed on day 3 of being induced for the health of both Baby & momma. As we resume the doctor has decided to break the water in hopes of speeding up the labor & subsequent delivery.

It was apparent that I was going to need an epidural before my water was broken. I was incredibly happy to hear that as anything that would ease pain for even a short time had reached DefCon 5. Abe stood in front of me & held my hands as the epidural was placed in my back. I abhor needles so having a giant one inserted into my back was not one of my most favorite things but I did much better than I thought I would. There was very little flinching & no embarrassing crying or fainting.

While we waited for the epidural to take effect & the doctor to come back Abe headed out into the waiting area to tell some family what was happening & to take care of some business with his paycheck. In the meantime the doctor came back & a team of people were with her. It was time to break my water. Of course I immediately wanted Abe with me but he was not to be found. The procedure was completed (I will spare you my description of it) and suddenly I was rolled onto my left side while a nurse slapped an oxygen mask on my face & began talking me through some slow, deep breathing. I could tell something was wrong but didn’t know what. Through all of this my cell (my Blackberry, my tether, my line to the outside world) was clutched in my right hand. When I was rolled onto my side I remembered the phone & quickly sent a text message to Abe. The gist of the message was “Get your ass in here RIGHT NOW!”.

Abe showed up right quick & was there when the doctor came back to discuss our options. The doctor explained that when my water broke Baby’s heart rate dropped to 50. It came back up but would decelerate every time I had a contraction. They stopped the pitocin for a while and the heart rate remained where it was supposed to be but I stopped having contractions. Dr U explained that we could continue the pitocin & try for a natural delivery but that every time the pitocin was used it would take a toll on Baby. On the other hand there was the option for a c-section. As with all surgery there are inherent risks but we concluded that taking time to do a c-section while Baby wasn’t in distress made the most sense for everybody’s well-being.

The team got right to work getting me ready to head down to the OR for surgery. They worked on increasing the epidural along with getting me to sign all kinds of release forms. Then I was wheeled down the hall to surgery; Abe had been ushered off to scrub & don the gown, mask and hat so he could join us. Once in the OR the anesthesiologist worked on getting a new IV placed so that I could handle the drugs. It took a bit of work but the new IV went in perfectly & soon I was taking all the drugs that were needed. With the epidural flowing (like a trickle of cool water sliding down my back) I was soon numb to my sternum. The blue barrier went up & the doctors came in with Abe.

Abe was seated to my left & could reach out to hold my hand which was very necessary as I was freaking out in a corner of my mind though I was working very hard to breathe & remain calm on the outside. Waiting for the first cut was nerve-wracking — Dr. F & Dr. U were great though & soon put me at ease. There was this wonderful atmosphere of joy in the OR. The whole team was chatting, smiling & laughing. Abe & I joined in on the chatter discussing whether the baby was a boy or girl, name choices, how long we waited to become parents etc. Dr. U told me she was going to have to perform a vertical incision which “will mess up your bikini line”. “Right, because I’ve worn a bikini so much recently”, I retorted.

As the surgical team went about performing the C-section I was talking with them, Abe & generally feeling better than I had in several days (mostly due to the fact I could lie flat on my back & I had an excellent supply of drugs being pumped into me). In what seemed like a long time but was really only 6 minutes Dr U commented on how wrapped up the baby was. Then came the big announcement… “It’s a boy”! Abe & I were surprised & overjoyed. I had thought for sure that we would be having a girl. Of course it didn’t matter at all…a healthy baby was all we really wanted. As the doctor held the baby up over the blue barrier I glanced up to see our son — beautiful & perfect with just a bit of dark hair. The nurses quickly cleaned him off a bit & wrapped him up in a blanket before handing him off to the proud father.

While the nurses were getting him clean they asked if we had a name. Glancing at Abe I said Magnus Troy is his name. We had started out joking about naming a boy Magnus as it is such a strong name & we figured it was a name that could be for any profession. Who wouldn’t love to hear a kickass prog rock/metal band called Magnus? Cheering for a ball player (football, baseball or basketball) named Magnus… absolutely! However, what started out as a bit of a laugh for us quickly became a name that just seemed to fit; it grew on us & one look at the little man sealed the deal.

Anyway, I’m still on the table and can “feel” the doctors working on me. I can feel tugging & pulling in my abdomen. I heard someone ask “Can someone cut this suture left-handed”? “Yes, Dr F can cut that left-handed”. Me, being the smartass that I am, pipes up with “Just don’t let Dr. F use the kindergarten plastic safety scissors”. Dr U chimes in, “Oh, didn’t we tell you? We only let Dr F use the kindergarten safety scissors”. “Well in that case I am out of here,” I laughed. Leave it to me to joke with and taunt the doctor who is in the middle of stitching me back up.

At the same time part of me is detached & watching Abe with Magnus. It was a surreal feeling to be gazing at my husband & newborn son while a bunch of people were cutting & sewing on me. I was absorbed in seeing the two of them together…it was (and will always be) one of the best most complete moments of my life. We were a family — after years of hoping, praying & trying — there was a child in our family.

The surgical team was finishing up on me and the nurses came over to take Magnus for weighing, measuring & a better bath. I could see them out of the corner of my left eye & realized there was a lot of whispering. Just as my brain started to panic the nurses announced that due to a lower level of oxygen then they really liked Magnus was going off to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Before Magnus was whisked off (Abe went along) I got to have him rest on my chest for a few seconds as we had our first family picture taken. Then I went back to the room I had been in earlier to recover over night & Magnus was off to NICU where he was put on oxygen, had a chest x-ray & had antibiotics etc through IV.

There’s more to the hospital stay…several more days for both of us as I tried to recover from the preeclampsia & c-section and Magnus was weaned off the IV & onto breast-feeding. Maybe I will share all that another time. Right now I have a little boy who needs his mom….

 
 

Baby Time!

10 Jul

As you may or may not already know, I gave birth on June 25th, 2010. I’m going to start at the beginning of the road to delivery with June 23rd. I had been having problems with my blood pressure for the last month so the doctor was having me in twice a week for non-stress tests to make sure Baby was doing well in spite of my elevated blood pressure. I also had to do 24 hour urine collection for protein testing to make sure that my kidneys were functioning properly.

 
 

Plus Eight

06 Jun

So here’s the deal…eight is rather a magic number in my family. My dad is one of 8 kids (2 girls, 4 boys, 2 girls); I am one of 8 kids (2 girls, 4 boys, a girl & a boy) and now my child is going to be one of 8 grandkids (2 boys, a girl, 3 boys & 2 yet to be determined).

It’s funny that it has worked out this way. In fact after four years of no new grandchildren suddenly we are doubling them in a matter of months. Two new additions in the last 2 weeks alone. Grayson Joseph Jay was born 5/25 (3 weeks early) weighing in at 6lbs 15oz & 20″ long. He has fuzzy dark hair & is perfect. We were glad to see him & rejoice with my brother R & his wife as they had a long hard road getting pregnant. Thankfully the pregnancy went pretty well. Then on 6/3 Micah Joel made an appearance (2 weeks early) weighing in at 6lbs 14oz & 20″ long. He has long brown/blonde hair & looks like he’s recently had some highlights added. Micha joins his brother Asher who will be 2 this fall. My sister-in-law J went in & had her water broken at 12:30 pm…she delivered at 2:38 pm after some serious back labor but since she only pushed 4 times I don’t feel too badly for her.

One very special thing about Micah’s delivery is that his brother Asher was in the delivery room the whole time. He helped J with her breathing at the start. He would stand by her shoulder & go “hee hee hee hoo” with her. By all accounts he was a big help & even managed to sleep through the most intense parts of the labor. Asher woke up just as Micah was being delivered. After catching a VERY quick glimpse of the birth he pointed, made a face & pointedly said, “Mess”! I love how honest & forthright kids are even if they don’t know all that’s going on. Other than that Asher seems to have embraced being a big brother (we’ll see how long it is before they fight over trucks).

So now we wait….it is a month to the day until my official due date. I am hoping that this last month goes smoothly & I’m refusing to think about labor & delivery or I may just refuse to give birth. After my (our) little one makes an appearance we have to wait until September for the last baby to arrive. It is going to be a busy Christmas for the family this year but we are excited to have all these little people joining the older cousins.

 
 
 

Baby Talk

13 Apr

While I’m assuming anybody who knows me knows that I am pregnant I haven’t really talked much about being pregnant.  Partly because life (as you well know) has been a crazy disaster of insanity but also because I don’t want to bore ya’ll with the minutiae of the pregnancy.  I figure if you call yourself a part of my life in even a small way you know what a big deal it was for us to discover that we were expecting.  In fact words can’t describe the feeling we had (have still) when we got a positive test.

Anyway this post if going to be full of crazy talk about Baby Fred (we don’t know the sex but my 7 year old nephew Squash has decided he thinks our names are boring & that Fred is a much cooler name), how I’ve been feeling about being pregnant, the fact that my brain is turning to mush & other fun things.  Indulge me as I really don’t talk in depth about this very much….mostly I’ve limited it to an occasional status update that I’m tired/feeling fat/sad/cranky/going to the doctor.

Today I had my 4th doctor’s appointment, my 2nd ultrasound & a glucose test.  The doctor’s appointments have been very routine & the doctor is very pleased with how I am doing.  I have excellent blood pressure & have maintained my weight to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I’m astonished by this particular feat but very thankful because I’d hate for someone to mistake my pasty whiteness as some sort of exotic giant water mammal when Baby Fred makes an appearance.

I had another ultrasound (I’m guessing ‘cuz I’m nearly 35 & the size of a 3rd world hut) & Baby Fred looks good.  Well what I could see…Baby Fred is as active as ever & very camera shy.  In a bid to keep us guessing about looks, Baby Fred managed to hide behind both hands before impressing us by hiding behind a foot.  Good to know the little one is flexible but rather frustrating as I’d like a picture.  Of course I can’t complain too much….after all I’m liable to hide behind my hands too when someone attempts taking a picture of me.

We got to see the bones in the arms & legs which was cool as well as the heart beating.  Heart rate is very good & strong.  All the fingers & toes are in place so barring a bizarre in utero accident I fully expect to be able to count them one by one in a few weeks.  I am scheduled to have another ultrasound in six weeks just to check on growth etc.  They aren’t expecting anything out of the ordinary but are being cautious since I fall in the “high-risk” category.

The best thing is feeling how active Baby Fred is lately.  Over the last two weeks the belly acrobatics have increased dramatically.  What was an occasional flutter or bump has morphed into a serious punchkick routine.  The other day I was lying on the couch reading Chaucer when suddenly my book was jolted so hard I lost my place on the page.  I’m not sure if that was a judgement of my reading material or a warning that giant books rested on my belly are fair game for Baby Fred to punt about.

Baby Fred also enjoys the music that plays throughout the house.  We’ve played a variety of music to see what type of  reactions we get.  Classical usually results in a sort of swaying, rocking motion.  80s music causes a boppy sort of Molly Ringwald/George Michael dance which is entertaining but quickly starts to feel uncomfortable.  Rock (especially metal & prog rock) sends Baby Fred to new heights with all sorts of wiggling, jamming & punchkicking.  Since we are going to RockFest in KC next month we’ll see what happens there.

Mostly I’m doing well being pregnant….though I am always exhausted it seems.  Health-wise things are normal & though I have caught every virus/bacteria that has come along that is to be expected.  At least I’m building Baby Fred’s immunity to colds, stomach flu, bronchitis etc.  I got my glucose test back & I’m completely normal (well at least my blood sugar is normal) so that means one less concern.

I guess now the only thing to do is keep on with what I’ve been doing, find a few baby items (I’ve got nothing right now but a swing, a pac ‘n play & my old baby quilt) and hope that things continue to go this smoothly.

 
 
 

The Marriage Strain

07 Apr

When I met Hubby it was one of those things that you know at the time are going to affect the rest of your life.  I was proven correct in that within a few short months.  By the time we had known each other for a year we were engaged & had 6 months to plan a wedding.  It was a challenge & there were times we both thought about just running away to somewhere new.

After the wedding (which mostly went pretty well) we were immediately thrust back into the harsh light of reality.  Not that it wasn’t great but nothing was different other than I had to remember what my last name was.  He worked long hours at various construction sites & I searched for a job (I had been laid off 6 weeks before our wedding when the e-business I worked for went belly up).  After a month or so I found a job & off I went to the office every other day.  I worked part-time for an eyeglass frame company.  We sold wholesale to distributors & shops around the globe…and it was stressful at times.  Then I’d get home & try to be a housewife. (I’m awful at housewifely duties…I detest cleaning, doing dishes etc. I am always willing to procrastinate until it MUST be done.)

After a couple years we decided to make a big change & move out of the city to northern Minnesota.  That little thing threw a whole new spin into our marriage.  We went from being together every day to seeing each other only on the weekends.  Abe would leave early, early on Monday morning to commute to the Cities & stay there until after work on Friday.  Then after a 2 hour drive home I’d finally get to see him.  We spent two years with that routine.

Talk about putting strain on a marriage. (Yes I know people do that all the time.  That doesn’t make it any less hard on their relationships or on mine.) I would spend all week alone, taking care of the puppies & the house.  We both learned to sleep alone…something that was a challenge to overcome some nights when we were together.  With my inability to lie in one spot & his talking while kicking and punching it was a free-for-all.  Mostly we managed to take it in stride though I was often lonely.  Finally we reached the point where the stars aligned & Abe found a job near our home.

Sometimes I wonder how much strain a marriage can take though.  After getting a really decent job near our home, I also got a part-time job & things seemed to be heading toward something good.  Surprise!! but not so much.  Instead after a year Abe was suddenly without a job & no prospects on the horizon.  Job opportunities got more & more scarce.  He went to work with his dad on their own company while I continued in my office job.  We made ends meet for the most part, then I got sick.  I pushed on for over a year after my first vicious gallbladder attack.

Then this past August I ended up hospitalized for a week.  I had dozens of tests & after 5 days was sent home with some meds for pain.  At the same time we were making the decision to move again…this time to a different state.  As we began working on that plan I struggled to deal with a work environment that was more than difficult.  The stress was palpable everywhere I went.  Abe did what he could to help me & encourage me to recover from being so ill.

Then in the midst of finding a place to live, jobs and all we got what is the most amazing, joyful news–we were pregnant.  More stress piled on as we processed the idea of becoming parents.  Then we moved, I continued to fight different illnesses, Abe interviewed for different jobs & finally found one.

There’s so much strain & stress that we’ve gone through the last few years.  Now it seems like there’s more piling up every day.  He works long hard hours building houses & I’m dealing with a challenging pregnancy.  On top of that I’m battling depression which sucks my ambition & joy right up.  It’s all I can do to get out of bed many days.  Abe struggles to understand what I’m going through and what his role as “Dad” will be.

I’m not saying that we’re breaking up or that things are awful.  Rather there’s this strain…a stretching of our bond that doesn’t seem to have an end.  We are more irritable toward each other; less forgiving that the dishwasher isn’t empty or there’s muddy footprints on the floor.  Life has inundated us with a lot of the ick & the good is drowning.  We push back but are getting tired of it.  The strain is starting to tell & while it is just a phase it is a phase that can’t end quickly enough.

 
 

Some Scenery & A Little Football

29 Mar

This past weekend (from Saturday night to Sunday night) we had the opportunity to play host to Hubby’s brother Greg & Greg’s friend Michael.  It’s always good to have Greg visit & now that we live so much closer it is a lot easier for him to make a trip up.  The guys got to our house about midnight on Sunday morning & we decided to head into Sioux Falls so they could check out Senor Weiner. (You can see what I said about them in a previous post.)  This time the experience was only slightly better than the first one.  They seem to have improved their service & they guys were okay with their meals.  It was a late night & we all crashed once we got back home.

Sunday morning I got up & made breakfast.  With my new, large kitchen I decided to try something new & made chorizo, scrambled eggs & got all the fixings out for some burritos.  Based on the rate at which they disappeared I’d say they were a hit.  I had some too & am glad I tried them.  I’m not very adventurous with food right now as I don’t know how Baby will react.  Anyway after cleaning up the kitchen a bit we got ready & headed into Sioux Falls.

It was a gorgeous spring day & we spent time at Falls Park enjoying the sun & taking photos of the waterfalls.  After spending a nice time at the park we headed over to the Arena & watched our first ever arena football game.  The Sioux Falls Storm are the local arena team & have won the championship 4 of the last 5 years.  It was fun & funny to watch how into the game the fans were.  There were people tail-gating in the parking lot a couple hours before the game (we stopped to pick up tickets at the box office) & there were lots of people all decked out in team gear.  It’s definitely something we will be checking out more as tickets are pretty reasonable & it’s a fun way to spend a couple hours on a lazy Sunday.

Here are some of the photos from our day out.

 
 

Baby Pictures

24 Feb

Here are the ultrasound pictures of Baby.  I must say that the pictures are quite blurry ‘cuz the little one was moving around like crazy.  One of the most active times so far….except for when I play music.  Seems this one likes to dance just like the rest of the family.  Of course we also found out that Baby is just as camera-shy as I am….as soon as the tech went to try for a pic of the little face Baby flipped right over & faced my back.

Seeing Baby was wonderful & everything looks great so we are feeling very happy about that!  July 6th (or so…never really know for sure) is the due date so that means no travel/parties for the 4th this year.  We are looking forward to all the years to come though & are praying that the remaining months of pregnancy go well.

 
 
 
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