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A Little Bit of Patting My Own Back

23 Oct

As you may have noticed I don’t have a lot of positive stuff to say lately….tough is my first response to that observation. I’ve never been Ms. Positivity to begin with….the fact that things are craptastic right now hasn’t done anything to improve my outlook. For all you “count your blessings” people out there I say *blows raspberry* Jog On!

There is one small area that is going in the direction I want. I’m not going to look the gift (? really not so much a gift as my damn gallbladder…) horse in the mouth on this one but it seems I’m shrinking. I started out the year with the intent of getting into a better shape…well a more fit shape….I love looking like a girl & don’t want to lose all my nice round parts. However, I did decide that I needed to be more fit & have more stamina if I wanted to continue hike etc. So with a goal in mind & a WiiFit in my living room I embarked on my mission.

I did pretty good for a few months…slowly working up the length & intensity of my workouts until I was doing about an hour of rhythm boxing & step aerobics coupled with yoga. I felt pretty good about it too…coming home after a day in workhell & strapping on my Rykas, stepping on the Fit & off I’d go.

Then as spring progressed I started to feel more fatigued no matter how much sleep I got, stress piled up & my gallbladder bothered me to where I just couldn’t push myself to work out every day. It wasn’t long before the workouts came to a screeching halt. As you know I got a trip to the hospital in early August & that little “vacation” induced 2 weeks of nothing but clear liquids. Let me tell you that’ll make the scale seem friendlier in a hurry.

Anyway, now nearly 3 months later I’m still very careful what I eat (most of the time…if I do indulge in something it’s just a teeny bit ‘cuz the pain if I don’t would fell a hippo (which I’m resembling less all the time) so I avoid that like the plague). As a result I have shrunk a noticeable amount since January…I’m quite happy with the results. The slight downside (yet best indicator of my progress) is that none of my pants fit…I mean seriously it’s a little dangerous ‘cuz one good yank & the pants are at my ankles. Even the pair of jeans I bought that were 2 sizes smaller than my old ones are getting to be on the big side. I’m going to have to win the lottery at some point to get some better fitting attire…even if that means having everything I own altered to a smaller size.

I have a new goal in mind & part of that is to increase my flexibility with more yoga. Once I feel ok about having my picture taken (read NEVER, you can’t pay me enough to do it) I’ll post pics of me in my more compact size…. Overall though in spite of all the difficulties, struggles, depression & generally challenging times right now I feel like I deserve a little pat on the back.

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Posted in Clothes Make the Woman, What's in my Head

The Great Bra Rant Continues…

24 Apr

Yesterday we went to Duluth to do some much needed shopping. All the usual things on the list: toilet paper, paper towels, dog food, laundry soap, clothespins etc. We also needed to get some new khakis for Husband & I intended to look for something fun & girly to wear to a wedding this weekend. It was a nice spring day. Lake Superior looked magnificent: tiny white caps frothing on top of slate blue waves. Inviting to spend a few hours sitting in Canal Park by the Lift Bridge. (Another time, and soon too.)

Anyway, we went to one of the few stores in which I will shop. It was not the best trip. I’m not sure what the fashion people are thinking these days. Seriously, everything has either been time warped from a Bill & Ted movie or it looks like it came from a bowl of sherbet. And the ruffles, dear lord the ruffles…I mean do I look like I need to draw attention to my cleavage? I can do scoop neck, low cut etc but I do NOT do ruffles. My cleavage needs no enhancing…just some truly sexy support (see Bra Rant for the beginning of all this).

To add insult to injury the saleslady (who knows me, I shop here frequently) proceeded to show me the most gorgeous new bra. Yep, that’s right, she went there. Of course it looks amazing, just exactly what I want…too bad it doesn’t come in my size. I’m not kidding when I say I went on a 10 minute rant in the middle of the store.

Husband was slowly but surely inching his way out the door. I’m waving my hands, beyond totally outraged at the indignity of having to endure this line of conversation. The lady tried to say “Well, have you looked online? We carry larger sizes there” and “Well we do have this style here that may work for you.” Needless to say this only incensed me more. I went on a tear. It went a little something like this:

Ummm yeah, that doesn’t really work for me. See I’m not looking for a white/black/beige bra. I’m looking for something stunning, in a demi cup with satin & bows, or a plunge in silk with embroidery. I am sick to death of wearing these old lady bras that either flatten by boobs our or turn them into some creepy bullet shape last seen at a Madonna concert sometime in the 90s. It’s completely unreasonable to expect me to tolerate these ugly, sex appeal-less things. I cannot be the only woman in the world who thinks she deserves some lingerie (panties, bras & other delicious naughty things) that make her feel amazing, look gorgeous & walk like she’s got a secret. Not to mention the men….why in the world would they want to see this crap. It’s off-putting! And think about them trying to purchase it…forget it. No man in his right mind would attempt to give it as a gift…he’s better off getting a new blender.

After a few more minutes of the same course I threw my hands in the air, marched into a dressing room & beat my head against the wall. (None of this stopped me from trying on stuff that was obviously inferior.) This just made me mad at myself, bad that I’m not a Madison Ave fashion plate & sad that I fell into the same trap women have been falling into for years.

Well no more…it’s not easy when I’m bombarded by people telling me I should be less than what I am (they’re just jealous…they wish they had my cleavage!) However, I have been reminded that I’ve got more than a few people (plenty with the women they love in the same cup as it were) who will give me all the support I need. Thus I shall press on…stay tuned for more insane ranting.

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Posted in Clothes Make the Woman, What's in my Head

Bra Rant

22 Apr

Okay folks buckle in…this is gonna be a ranty ride. For all you men out there you may want to find something to shoot, or fix or build. For all you ladies who can walk into Victoria’s Secret, reach into a tiny little black lacquered drawer & pick out a perfect fitting bra I say I don’t want to hear how tough it is for you. I’m here to talk to (and for) the ladies who have actual boobs. No members of the itty bitty titty committee here. I’m talking to you girls with the melons, jugs, tatas & cans.

What the hell is the deal with bras? Seriously??!! I mean all a girl wants is cute underwear that function. I don’t want some old lady beige thing with the sex appeal of a dead slug. I want something cute, with fancy lace & embroidery. Something in soft pink, midnight blue or crimson. I want a bra that is silky, slinky & sexy. I don’t give a good damn about anybody else seeing it. I want a bra & panties that match in cute girly patterns & colors. And I don’t want to have to wait 3 freaking weeks to order something that may or may not actually fit off the internet. Why in hell does it take 3 weeks to ship a bra? I can get an in-ground pool put in my backyard in 2 days…but for a bit of lace, satin & thread it takes an age. And they cost a fortune!! I’m sorry but it doesn’t weigh that much why do I need to pay $10 in shipping charges???

Bra shopping for me is a task that makes me rip out clumps of hair. The amount of time, research and general irritation it takes is beyond reason. We can send people into outerspace for extended periods of time & yet we can’t design a proper bra for anybody over a 36C? I mean come on people! How hard can it be?! Find a woman with big boobs, use her as a model, get some fancy fabric & sew the damn thing already! I’m so tired of trying to buy something that’s been guessed at. It does NOT work to just make the damn bra of a 32A cup bigger.

I can’t belive with all the technology available to us, all the study of physics that someone somewhere is unable to provide me with a decent bra. Okay so I’m not a teeny little stick with razor sharp clavicles…I don’t want to be a stick girl. (That’s a whole other rant believe me.) I mean I look like a woman should…all nice round, soft places where they should be. I’m sick to death of having to wear the undergarments of a 90 year old lady. I may not be the hottest ticket in town but I’ve got a pretty great rack (ask Husband….he’ll back me up on this) and I just don’t get what the problem is. I want some support, some comfort & some style.

Oh sure there are a few decent bras here & there…all you have to do is just hope it’s in your size, spend about a week’s pay, and wait forever for it to arrive. So I say we ladies of cleavage band together, march on Washington and demand our government bail us out of this bra nightmare. Why should we be discriminated against? We have rights for goodness sake.

And for all of you out there reading who think you know me, think you have the answer, think you can show me a bra I haven’t tried yet…..I say HA! I have tried on more bras in my life than you can possibly imagine. I don’t want to hear all my options for making do, learning to live with it or slicing my body open to make them smaller. Hell, it’s been drilled into us to hate what God gave us & fix it with surgery. Well not this girl! God blessed me (and I mean how!) and there is no way I’m giving it up when some poor socialite in the world is feeling flat-chested.

I shall press on with my search for the perfect, sexy, lacy, cleavage enhancing, support giving bra of miracles….and when I find it you better believe I’m gonna tell you all about it. I won’t let my girls linger in the dark ages of bad bras for spectaular tatas!

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Posted in Clothes Make the Woman

The Shape I’m In

02 Apr

It’s been a while since I posted my intention to get in shape. Of course at that time I didn’t really say what shape I was going to get into. After a false start in February I worked hard to get into a routine in March. While I didn’t go hard every day I was consistent enough to start feeling good about my efforts. But first let me backtrack to the beginning of February.

I had decided to work on getting more fit. I have some very specific goals in mind and I’m confident that they are fairly realistic. One of the goals is to be stronger, more flexible & have more stamina as I know that will serve me well in all aspects of my life. I won’t bore you with all the other goals…if you really want to know ask me.

What I really want to mention is that February was full of good intentions & little else. By the end of the month I had done little if any exercising to justify the new shoes I had purchased. To be fair to myself (I know, I’m as shocked as you are…being fair to myself is an unusual occurance.) I started strong. I strapped on my brand new Ryka’s, put in my new Wii workout disc & set about getting fit. Of course I barely made it thru the setup process where I was tested on different exercises…let alone the 1/2 hour of aerobics I attempted to complete. This was enough to thoroughly discourage me. I was excited & set my initial goal a bit high. Going from total workout reject to an hour of shredding is insane. One attempt at that & the shoes went back into their box. I was ready to admit defeat before even getting going.

As February ended & March began I could feel the cold fingers of a spring depression creeping in on me. In order to combat what can become a viscious cycle for me (Feel bad, eatsleepread repeat), I got stern with myself & pulled out the new shoes, the workout pants & my WiiFit. Since I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress I decided that sweating & boxing were good choices to start. I’ve also added some yoga poses & aerobics to the routine so that I feel I’m covering the basics to build my stamina, flexibility & strength.

Now after a good, fairly consistent month of exercise I find it has done me some good. I feel more energetic (when I get the appropriate amount of sleep but that’s another story). I have noticed that my posture has improved & I walk more fluidly although I am not (and probably never will be graceful). Some people have even mentioned that I’m starting to look more toned in some areas (I don’t see it but that’s no surprise…I have a blind spot where any of my good qualities may reside). I do feel a teeny bit pleased that my legs seem to be getting more toned, my derriere is starting to show the advantages of all the step work I’ve been doing (I have a long way to go but it’s a start) & my ab area feels much stronger. I don’t pant when I jog across the parking lot to my Jeep at the end of the day. Don’t think I’m really putting a ton of effort into running (This would be sheer insanity on my part if for no other reason than my ankles have been bad since high school track).

Lately I’ve increased the intensity of my workouts as I can tell that I’ve become used to how I started & I need to continue to push myself. I do longer, harder boxing routines, more step aerobics (with standing crunches, toe touchies & leg kicks added in) & more than the basic side stretch & warrior pose yoga. In fact I have come to enjoy doing the downward facing dog, palm tree, sun salutation & bridge moves.

My next goal is to feel okay about how I look in dress clothes as I have a dinner date in 4 months. My sister-in-law Anne & her husband (who is currently in basic training at Ft. Knox) want to go out on a fancy, adults-only, night on the town to celebrate his triumphant return. Since I don’t want to be the only one wearing a burlap sack I must continue in my quest for fitness…I have some great girl clothes hanging in my closet. My hope is that come July I can don my fancy duds, my highest heels & get a great pic before dancing & partying the night away.

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Posted in Clothes Make the Woman, I AM, I should be in therapy, The Life We Lead, What's in my Head

My Pink Coat

09 Apr

I can’t really think of much to write about today so I’m going to talk about my pink raincoat.

I spent most of my childhood & teenage years as a tomboy. I grew up on a farm & spent endless days outside playing in the dirt. I preferred to play with tractors than my Barbie doll. I enjoyed playing with the piglets in the back yard.

As I reached my twenties a curious thing began to happen…suddenly I’d find myself liking lusting after an item girly & pink. Usually I’d quash that feeling & if I had to have the shirt, pants, skirt etc I’d buy blue. Pink was too girly & I was better than that. (I know, I know I was insane.) When I met my better half I noticed that more pink, girly things began to appear around me. Nail polish (I’ve always kept my nails nice just never pink), clothes, shoes, purses, and tchotches made an appearance.

The culmination of all this pink-ness came about 2 years ago when I was *gasp* shopping in Wal-Mart. (I do try to avoid this as usually my sense of style is exceedingly horrified by it but sometimes a girl needs a huge package of toilet paper!)

To my delight I saw the most perfect coat. Bright, bubble-gum pink with slash pockets, trench coat styling & a fantastic silky lining with a white background covered in daisies. Oh, it’s also waterproof…perfect for the wet spring days. And in a size that fits! Wonder of wonders…. Alas I did not have the shekels to purchase this most sublime representation of all that is feminine. Now my most amazing spouse had noted all this delight over the coat. He snuck off one day from work & brought the coat home as a gift. He was well rewarded for such charming behavior!

I’ took that coat out of the closet earlier this week & carefully buttoned it up. I tied the sash around my middle (let’s face it I don’t really have a waist). My confidence skyrocketed! “Wow!! I’m stunning”, said the little voices in my head. At work several people told me what a great coat I had. “That’s right, it’s great, I’m great, life is great”, said the voices.

From now on when ever I need a little ego boost I’m heading right for that coat so I can remind myself how confident & feminine a little pink can be.