A Burst of Spring

A year ago I waxed (somewhat) poetic about the joys of spring.  I was often found sitting on my front patio (sometimes wrapped in a large blanket) enjoying the sounds, scents & sun of that time.  I reveled at my country dwelling & all the charms present.  Flowers blooming, trees flowering & heavy with the scent of promised fall apples.  The nearby water offered up the choral performances of frogs calling for mates.  It was a heady time full of desire & I was stepping out into an unknown realm.  I was more than ready to embrace it & my exuberance was obvious. This year is a world apart from that time.  I’m feeling much more jaded with life (not that I’ve ever been much of a wide-eyed girl) and find it hard to look at anything like I did then.  My summer took a turn when I ended up in hospital for a week at the beginning of August.  That set me back physically as expected but the mental aspect I was something for which I was NOT prepared. With my plans & dreams of the spring wilting under the heat of late summer & my body betraying me I was lost.  For the first time I was enveloped in a fog of depression.  I wasn’t ready to deal with it nor even to admit it (not even in my own head) for a long time.  I pulled into myself, avoiding as much contact/interaction with people as I could, and felt the promising blossoms of spring turn with the oncoming fall weather. Work was more than a difficult situation, life at home was increasingly frustrating as we tried to find a solution to Abe’s jobless status & I felt like hibernating.  We made a big decision to start looking for jobs & housing outside of our current area.  This led to several trips back to my hometown area as jobs were more available and housing was much less expensive.  Soon we had agreed that a move to another state (near where I grew up) was in order & preparations began. Now we are moved in if not settled in & things are going okay.  With the oncoming warm weather I find that glimmer of light encouraging me that I will find the end of this feeling (whatever it may be…I’m hard pressed to define it).  Life is about to go around another sharp curve this summer when I finally become a mother.  July 6th is fast approaching & I am totally unprepared for the event.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there really isn’t a way I can be prepared…and we all know how I like to be prepared, organized & ready for any eventuality. Right now I’m sitting on my new patio in our tiny little backyard feeling the wind from the prairie whoosh through town & enjoying the sun, blossoming trees & occasional birdsong….a burst of spring to remind me that nothing remains unchanged.