Something Creative

Empathy: em·pa·thy Pronunciation: \?em-p?-th?\ Function: noun

With all the emotions that have churned up lately I’ve been on a less than even keel. (I know you’re shocked by that as I”m sure you couldn’t tell from all the crazy that’s been bleeding out around here…)

It’s been a down couple of days for me again.  There are a few obvious reasons (cold cloudy weather fit for late October, PMS, exhausted (damn gallbladder), stress (damn job) & of course general life.  I also have been contemplating a less apparent but no less real reason for my emotional turmoil.

I’ve always been emotionally volatile.  No matter how much I may try to close off that part of me it never lasts long… I talk a pretty tough with myself at times. “Brush it off”, I’ll scold myself. “It’s no big deal”, I’ll tell my reflection when I feel some depression or giddiness setting in.  And I do get giddy…it just may not be as apparent  as teh depressed/sad/blue/cryinginthebeer times.  Maybe it’s due to me finding the joyful times more natural.  I want to feel that joyful, heart-swelling emotion & I loathe the dark, sinking in the mattress emotion.

Not that I’m a Pollyanna–far from it! I’m naturally pessimistic; just in a sort of jovial way.  I’m the one who ALWAYS looks the gift horse in the mouth.  Usually someone is drinking my milkshake (pardon the obvious over-used cultural reference there).

So what’s all this have to do with empathy anyway?   Well it sort of goes back to what I was saying about perspectives a few posts back.  Lately I’ve been seeing everything through multiple perspectives…it’s how I view the world really.  Not just through my own filter but I also try to look at it from others’ as well.  I’ve really begun to think that all this emotional hurricane I’m caught in isn’t just coming from my own life.

Yes I’m manifesting the sadness, irritablity, anger, frustration, and weighed down feelings of depression but how could this massive tidal wave be generated by a single person?  It’s becoming more clear to me that one person can’t produce the crushing weight I’ve felt these last months. However, one person, closely linked emotionally with other can…

For instance, I know that when Abe is upset, frustrated & feeling angry (I’m guessing…the man does not share his emotions in an open manner) about the lack of jobs; I will reflect those feelings even if my beginning mood is light & happy.  I also know that when Mom is feeling that “sinking in the pit of the stomach” feeling I will also feel it.  Often we’ll end up on the phone questioning each other–trying to figure out the source of that sinking feeling.  Usually when this happens it bodes ill for someone to whom we are close.  Not always in a total doom & gloom sense either…sometimes it just means a very inconvenient flat tire, a fall off a stepladder or a broken limb.  Mom & I always breathe a deep sigh of relief when the crisis is recognized & nobody’s dead.

Yet this empathy that I display isn’t always negative.  A couple weeks ago I was positively bouncing with glee at the prospect of Pete coming home to his family.  Naturally I would be glad to see him…he’s my brother-in-law.  My level of excitement was beyond that though–it came not only from me but also Abe (happy to hang out with his brother again), Anne (SO excited to be reunited with her husband); & Alec who literally bounced off walls & furniture in his eagerness for Dad to be home so they could play hide-n-seek.  All that emotion seemed to channel straight into me.  When Anne called crying & disappointed at an unforeseen delay I immediately felt her deep letdown.  Hearing that disappointment made me want to cry too.

Funny (in an odd awkward kind of way — not haha kind of way) enough it’s not just those that I spend time with “in real life” but also my extended group of friends that I am close with through the wonder of the interwebz.  If I happen to catch a blast of some emotion being felt strongly my spirit will reflect it in short order.  I identify with emotions I’ve never experienced.  The loss of a child causes me to grieve…no matter that I don’t have a child of my own.  A birth, an engagement & job promotion & my spirit soars to join in the joy.

Now that I’ve recognized this empathy that I’m experiencing I need to find a way to deal with it.  While I feel it’s a gift to identify with others & their emotions it tends to drown out ME.  I need to create a way to show those I care about that I identify with them in their emotional state without letting it overcome what I am personally feeling.  How I go about that I don’t know.  I do know I can’t let go of the empathy…that would be doing a disservice to those who need to know that someone, somewhere understands what they feel in a given situation.  While I can’t always articulate my empathy I can be there to hold a hand, provide a shoulder or ear, open my arms  for a hug, let my tears give voice to grief or anger & my smile can share the joy.  Now if only I could find a file cabinet for all this & sort it alphabetically into color-coded folders….that would sure help in dealing with it all.