Protected: Untitled #21

you words in both poems reflect your emotions at the time you wrote them. I sense a clinging to individual words, to adjectives in place of flow. Sharp and stilted, they attack in small bursts, requiring the reader to read the whole piece as a singular sentence. Stark and distant, relinquishing beauty for pain. It works, although I would kill the second poen at “self-praying” or add the pleading in paranthesis, as that last stanza appears to step outside the poem, begging for understanding. But the first poem leaves me wanting, has me guessing, and forces me to stay when I should be carried away.

I love your writing. If I appear to be too harsh, it is only because I want your absolute best.