Okay folks buckle in…this is gonna be a ranty ride. For all you men out there you may want to find something to shoot, or fix or build. For all you ladies who can walk into Victoria’s Secret, reach into a tiny little black lacquered drawer & pick out a perfect fitting bra I say I don’t want to hear how tough it is for you. I’m here to talk to (and for) the ladies who have actual boobs. No members of the itty bitty titty committee here. I’m talking to you girls with the melons, jugs, tatas & cans.
What the hell is the deal with bras? Seriously??!! I mean all a girl wants is cute underwear that function. I don’t want some old lady beige thing with the sex appeal of a dead slug. I want something cute, with fancy lace & embroidery. Something in soft pink, midnight blue or crimson. I want a bra that is silky, slinky & sexy. I don’t give a good damn about anybody else seeing it. I want a bra & panties that match in cute girly patterns & colors. And I don’t want to have to wait 3 freaking weeks to order something that may or may not actually fit off the internet. Why in hell does it take 3 weeks to ship a bra? I can get an in-ground pool put in my backyard in 2 days…but for a bit of lace, satin & thread it takes an age. And they cost a fortune!! I’m sorry but it doesn’t weigh that much why do I need to pay $10 in shipping charges???
Bra shopping for me is a task that makes me rip out clumps of hair. The amount of time, research and general irritation it takes is beyond reason. We can send people into outerspace for extended periods of time & yet we can’t design a proper bra for anybody over a 36C? I mean come on people! How hard can it be?! Find a woman with big boobs, use her as a model, get some fancy fabric & sew the damn thing already! I’m so tired of trying to buy something that’s been guessed at. It does NOT work to just make the damn bra of a 32A cup bigger.
I can’t belive with all the technology available to us, all the study of physics that someone somewhere is unable to provide me with a decent bra. Okay so I’m not a teeny little stick with razor sharp clavicles…I don’t want to be a stick girl. (That’s a whole other rant believe me.) I mean I look like a woman should…all nice round, soft places where they should be. I’m sick to death of having to wear the undergarments of a 90 year old lady. I may not be the hottest ticket in town but I’ve got a pretty great rack (ask Husband….he’ll back me up on this) and I just don’t get what the problem is. I want some support, some comfort & some style.
Oh sure there are a few decent bras here & there…all you have to do is just hope it’s in your size, spend about a week’s pay, and wait forever for it to arrive. So I say we ladies of cleavage band together, march on Washington and demand our government bail us out of this bra nightmare. Why should we be discriminated against? We have rights for goodness sake.
And for all of you out there reading who think you know me, think you have the answer, think you can show me a bra I haven’t tried yet…..I say HA! I have tried on more bras in my life than you can possibly imagine. I don’t want to hear all my options for making do, learning to live with it or slicing my body open to make them smaller. Hell, it’s been drilled into us to hate what God gave us & fix it with surgery. Well not this girl! God blessed me (and I mean how!) and there is no way I’m giving it up when some poor socialite in the world is feeling flat-chested.
I shall press on with my search for the perfect, sexy, lacy, cleavage enhancing, support giving bra of miracles….and when I find it you better believe I’m gonna tell you all about it. I won’t let my girls linger in the dark ages of bad bras for spectaular tatas!
Kathy Hagle
April 22, 2009 at 22:03
Thanks for posting this, as you are able to put into words how I have felt for awhile now. I avoid Victoria Secrets for this reason, as I can’t find something nice looking that fits me well. So I have given up on getting nice bras, and I know I shouldn’t have. Thanks for this rant!
terry
April 22, 2009 at 22:24
I really dont “See” what you mean, I mean, if it only “stood” out a little more, I might be able to get my mind around it.
Sorry, that was the best I could do on short notice.
I hear much the same lament at the home place. It’s NOT just you well stacked gals either, we husbands would like it to be a lot easier to buy sexy, even slutty clothing for our ladies, without feeling the whole subject must be engineered from scratch.
Amy @ Taste Like Crazy
April 23, 2009 at 05:33
You may hate me for asking this, but have you checked out Cacique? It’s Lane Bryant’s lingerie line and they have some freakin’ hot things.
That’s what I wear and love it.
Nil17
April 23, 2009 at 05:50
LMAO– No hating here. In answer to the question…Yes there are some amazing, gorgeous bras at Cacique….just never in MY size.
S
April 23, 2009 at 07:26
I so totally agree with you on all your points. I hate bras and hate shopping for them even more.
My biggest pet peeve is when they put a seam diagonally right.across.the boob. Seriously?? that itches and shows through clothes. GAH.
Victoria’s Secret, to me, is like torture. Nothing in their fits me and I don’t even go in anymore.
I did find some decent one’s a couple of years ago at lane bryant, but of course had to spend my life savings on them.
Rick
April 23, 2009 at 15:42
you go, girl! March on Washington with your boobs falling out of those cheap, Chinese bras. We men promise to line the the sidewalks and cheer you on. We may even throw sympathy beads you can wear! Please let us know that date of your March so we can make arrangements for our wives with itty-bitty boobies to go visit their bestest little short stack girlfriends. Then we will go to Washington to give you all the support you need!
lena
June 12, 2009 at 08:52
I know this is late to post but I’ve come to the conclusion that there are 2 types of bras – uncomfortable and itchy. And that is the only 2 choices.