Something Creative
Okay folks buckle in…this is gonna be a ranty ride. For all you men out there you may want to find something to shoot, or fix or build. For all you ladies who can walk into Victoria’s Secret, reach into a tiny little black lacquered drawer & pick out a perfect fitting bra I say I don’t want to hear how tough it is for you. I’m here to talk to (and for) the ladies who have actual boobs. No members of the itty bitty titty committee here. I’m talking to you girls with the melons, jugs, tatas & cans.
What the hell is the deal with bras? Seriously??!! I mean all a girl wants is cute underwear that function. I don’t want some old lady beige thing with the sex appeal of a dead slug. I want something cute, with fancy lace & embroidery. Something in soft pink, midnight blue or crimson. I want a bra that is silky, slinky & sexy. I don’t give a good damn about anybody else seeing it. I want a bra & panties that match in cute girly patterns & colors. And I don’t want to have to wait 3 freaking weeks to order something that may or may not actually fit off the internet. Why in hell does it take 3 weeks to ship a bra? I can get an in-ground pool put in my backyard in 2 days…but for a bit of lace, satin & thread it takes an age. And they cost a fortune!! I’m sorry but it doesn’t weigh that much why do I need to pay $10 in shipping charges???
Bra shopping for me is a task that makes me rip out clumps of hair. The amount of time, research and general irritation it takes is beyond reason. We can send people into outerspace for extended periods of time & yet we can’t design a proper bra for anybody over a 36C? I mean come on people! How hard can it be?! Find a woman with big boobs, use her as a model, get some fancy fabric & sew the damn thing already! I’m so tired of trying to buy something that’s been guessed at. It does NOT work to just make the damn bra of a 32A cup bigger.
I can’t belive with all the technology available to us, all the study of physics that someone somewhere is unable to provide me with a decent bra. Okay so I’m not a teeny little stick with razor sharp clavicles…I don’t want to be a stick girl. (That’s a whole other rant believe me.) I mean I look like a woman should…all nice round, soft places where they should be. I’m sick to death of having to wear the undergarments of a 90 year old lady. I may not be the hottest ticket in town but I’ve got a pretty great rack (ask Husband….he’ll back me up on this) and I just don’t get what the problem is. I want some support, some comfort & some style.
Oh sure there are a few decent bras here & there…all you have to do is just hope it’s in your size, spend about a week’s pay, and wait forever for it to arrive. So I say we ladies of cleavage band together, march on Washington and demand our government bail us out of this bra nightmare. Why should we be discriminated against? We have rights for goodness sake.
And for all of you out there reading who think you know me, think you have the answer, think you can show me a bra I haven’t tried yet…..I say HA! I have tried on more bras in my life than you can possibly imagine. I don’t want to hear all my options for making do, learning to live with it or slicing my body open to make them smaller. Hell, it’s been drilled into us to hate what God gave us & fix it with surgery. Well not this girl! God blessed me (and I mean how!) and there is no way I’m giving it up when some poor socialite in the world is feeling flat-chested.
I shall press on with my search for the perfect, sexy, lacy, cleavage enhancing, support giving bra of miracles….and when I find it you better believe I’m gonna tell you all about it. I won’t let my girls linger in the dark ages of bad bras for spectaular tatas!
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