Amazon, City Hall & UPS

On Friday 4/10 I placed an order with Amazon.com for a book I’ve been lusting after for a short if passionate time.  I was all set to receive my copy of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales (Penguin classics edition) today.  It was not to be however.  With a combination of incredible incompetence, ignorance & bad policies Amazon & City Hall have managed to deny be the ecstasy of a new book. (Yes I said ecstasy! There are few things I love better than the smell of ink on paper, the smooth texture of unread pages sliding past my fingers tips…truly bliss to me).

A year ago our little slice of heaven was annexed by the city.  We received notification that our address was changed effective immediately.  However we’ve continued to use the old address as that’s what the bank knows, the post office recognizes it etc.  Recently we were told we should start using the new address. Being someone who occasionally follows the rules (Ok, I try to follow the rules. My life tends to run much smoother when someone else is running it.) I decided that using the new address would be prudent since I was so desperate for this new book.

Fast-forward through the weekend to this morning. After getting to work I took a quick moment to log in to my Amazon account and track my package.  All systems appeared to be go and UPS had sent it out for delivery today.  Certain that nothing could go wrong I eased into my day & left thoughts of the book to flit in and out.  Such momentary thoughts made me smile & look forward even more to lunch when I could take the first opportunity to look for the delivery.  Lunch flew past as it always does & back at my desk I checked for a tracking update.  Much to my surprise it showed the package had been delivered at 11:59:00 to my front door.  Odd I thought as I had been home at 11:59:00 and there was no large brown truck that visited me (I was in the shower but the dogs would have barked) nor was there a package anywhere near my front door.

Of course I could not let this stand.  My book had been delivered to someone entirely undeserving of such a gift. (Besides they’ll probably not appreciate the book).  With all the CDO (yes OCD to you “normal” people) I abandoned any pretense of work to devote myself to the capture of my wayward parcel.  After much searching, several phone calls home (to order for more phone calls to the post office, the neighbors, & UPS), & a visit from my husband; the following was concluded.  Wherever the package is we can’t find it.  UPS was very helpful—to a point—and said normally they would do an auto-trace, speak with the driver & fully investigate where the package had landed.  However, being hamstrung by Amazon policy I must contact Amazon directly.  Off I flew, fingers a blur as I entered my account information to send an email to Amazon.  I politely (get more flies with honey…) explained the situation & asked for a replacement at no cost ASAP.  I was rewarded with the notice that someone may or may not respond within 12 hours.

In a bid to find out why nobody but the city recognizes the new address (not UPS, USPS, Google Earth or any other “authority” we could think of gives us acknowledgement that the address is valid), Husband stops at city hall.  Of course in keeping with the completely backwater appearance they try so hard to maintain the office is closed—FOR. THE. DAY.  Yes that’s right…our city hall is open for the convenient hours of 9-Noon Monday thru Friday.  No wonder nobody knows about our new address…city hall hasn’t been open long enough to make the appropriate notifications.

As it stands now I am hoping my good friend at the local winery will be able to flag down the local UPS driver and detain him until Husband arrives with the bare light bulb & rubber hose.  I’m going to get answers I don’t care if I have to go all Gitmo on somebody!  Moral of this little tale is two-fold. One don’t listen to a damn thing city hall says, EVER. Two, don’t screw with me over books because it will not end well for you friend.

Codicil: As of 4 pm the package was located. Due to the brilliance inefficiency of city hall there is no sign marking the new address (even though they’ve had a year to do it).  Our UPS driver who is amazing & was not subject to Gitmo type treatment accidentally marked the package as delivered.  He was unable to rectify the error from his little delivery confirmation thingy.  My friend at the winery obtained the package for me & held it until I was done with work. I am now in possession of my new book & quite content with the final outcome.  I will however be speaking to city hall….if I can get an appointment within the next year.